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You Want To Lecture ME About Being On Time?!

, , , , , , , | Working | April 1, 2022

In 2013, I started my first “real job” as a security guard for an industrial storage facility in Central Oahu. At the time I had a coworker who was habitually late to work. This was a massive problem before I had been hired and it continued to be a massive problem while we worked together.

The nature of our site meant that there needed to be a guard twenty-four-seven, so if she was late, the guard working the shift prior to hers would be forced to stay until she arrived. In my first month, I was held back more than sixteen times for anywhere from thirty minutes to three hours due to her tardiness. She never called to say where she was, why she was late, or when she would be in, and it was always a gamble as to what time I would actually get off work.

Within the next month of working, my sixteen-year-old car decided that having an alternator was no longer on its list of priorities, and while I was waiting on getting paid to buy a replacement part, I was fortunate enough to have my father to take me to work. I maintained my standard of not being late for work until the second week when there was a car accident on the freeway and we got stuck.

Three minutes after my shift was supposed to start, [Coworker] called me to ask me where I was.

Me: “It appears there was a bad accident on the [Freeway]. We are trying to push to [Valley] to get off and continue to the site on surface streets.”

[Coworker] immediately went off.

Coworker: “You need to be on time! It’s incredibly important that you’re here to relieve your coworkers! It’s about work ethic. You have a responsibility to be at work not only on time but early for the pass-down of information between shifts!”

I absolutely lost it.

I knocked her down several dozen pegs and told her in no uncertain terms that she, of all people, did not belong talking to anyone about being on time. I outlined all of the times she had been late and how late she had been. I pointed out the fact that I had never said a thing to her about it and asked her how she could have the balls to speak to someone that she had been screwing over since day one about “responsibilities”.

She didn’t have a response. Apparently, prior to my arrival, the other guards had just taken this kind of thing in stride. In her pause, I continued, telling her that she was not a supervisor or an assistant supervisor and that she did not belong calling me and trying to level corrective actions, especially on my personal phone.

She was pissed and ended up hanging up on me after sputtering some nonsense about “tact” and “manners”.

By the time I got to work, she had left, leaving the supervisor at the time manning the guard shack. The supervisor asked me what in the world had happened as [Coworker] had asked him to handle it for her and I told him straight up, verbatim, the entire conversation.

The supervisor laughed. He agreed with me on every point and was actually happy that someone other than him had finally put their foot down with her.

[Coworker] didn’t last much longer past that day. She ended up getting eliminated when Hawaii enacted the Guard Card later that year as she did not possess the required high school diploma or GED to qualify for the license.

Unfortunately, she was replaced by the biggest problem to ever set foot on that property, but that’s a story for another time.

What Crawled Into His Luggage And Died?

, , , , | Working | March 28, 2022

My husband and I go on a vacation to Mexico. When we land, I’m surprised to see a tiny dilapidated set of stairs to get off the plane and lead us to customs. Our baggage goes through the scanner system, which I find odd because we had to scan it to get on the plane.

The person loading bags into the scanner is not watching the other end, and people’s bags are rolling off the end as one of the other passengers is having all of their bags searched and we are backed up. Some of the others try to tell the scanner official to stop, but he doesn’t. Instead, we have to pick up our bags off the floor. I’m irritated, and I guess it shows because [Official #1] comes up to us.

Official #1: “You are selected for search. Do you have any food, lithium batteries, or electronic cigarettes?”

Husband: “I have an e-cigarette, yes.”

Official #1: “Take your bag and go see that gentleman.”

She points to another official.

Official #2: “What do you have?”

Husband: “An e-cigarette.”

Official #2: *Rolls his eyes* Where? Which bag?”

Husband: “Oh, in the small pocket there.”

He goes to point it out but the official swats his hand away.

Official #2: “I will conduct my search. Do not touch.”

[Official #2] proceeds to dump out all four of our bags on the table and drop our luggage on the floor, sifting through all of our clothing before coming to my medicine bag.

Official #2: “What is this? Needles?”

Me: “I’m diabetic. I have a note from my doctor in—”

Official #2: “You need needles?”

I’m getting impatient but trying to stay polite.

Me: “Yes. It’s insulin.”

Official #2: “Hmm.”

He takes the medication and puts it on a table behind him.

Official #2: “Where is this cigarette?”

Husband: “Where I pointed in the beginning. In the bag on the floor.”

Official #2: “Sir, you do not get rude with me. I am doing my job.”

We say nothing. He picks up our bag and finally opens the small pocket with the e-cigarette. Without even picking it up, he closes the pocket.

Official #2: “You may go. Pack up, hurry!”

Me: “I need my insulin back.”

Official #2: “No. No drugs in Mexico.”

I almost laugh.

Me: “I’m not moving without it.”

[Official #2] calls out in Spanish.

Official #3: “Miss, you have an issue? You must go—”

Me: “He asked where my husband’s e-cigarette was but didn’t even look where we told him until the very end. He made a mess of all of our clothing. He took my insulin and put it over there.”

Official #3: “Insulin?”

Me: “I have a doctor’s note.”

I show him my note. [Official #3] speaks to [Official #2] in Spanish. [Official #2] picks up my medicine and slaps it on the table in front of me.

Official #2: “Now go.”

Me: “Thank you.”

We quickly stuffed all of our clothing in our luggage and left. The rest of the visit was great, but that one interaction made me wonder if I want to come back at all.

Follow The Rules And You’ll Feel Lighter

, , , , , | Working | March 1, 2022

Many years ago, I worked in the UK for an American company that made adhesive tape. Making the glue involved some very flammable solutions, so smoking was restricted to a specific area and, after some problems with people smoking outside, all lighters and matches were banned and we were all subject to possible searches at the gate.

One day, a taxi pulled up at the gate, and [Security Guy] asked the passenger if he had matches or a lighter. Back then, most people smoked. The passenger said he had a lighter, so [Security Guy] asked him to hand it over. The passenger refused because A) it was gold and valuable, and B) because he was too important to obey the rules.

[Security Guy] stuck to his guns, and eventually, the VIP handed the lighter over and was let in. A few days later, [Security Guy] got a letter commending him for his diligence. Apparently, the VIP was well known for his arrogance, and the site manager was well pleased to see him taken down a peg.

This Guest Is REALLY Outstaying His Welcome

, , , , , , , | Legal | February 28, 2022

I work security for an office building that includes its own warehouse. The setting is similar to what you would see in “The Office”: a moderately-sized warehouse used for company product and supplies, just big enough to warrant having a forklift and a loading dock.

While viewing the cameras, I watch as an Audi SUV pulls into the dock. Obviously, we don’t want normal-sized vehicles in there since the area receives shipments pretty randomly all day. I watch to see if the individual driving it has large items in the back to unload, and he doesn’t, just a singular bag that looks like a Christmas gift.

I call the phone on the dock from our security line, but he ignores it as he is allowed access to our kitchen by one of the line cooks.

That’s fair; he’s not an employee after all.

My next call goes to the kitchen. I inform them that their guest needs to move his vehicle if he is planning on being here long-term or if a truck arrives. They tell me that he will be fast, but before I can even hang up the call, a forty-foot flatbed loaded with pallets of product appears out of nowhere. I quickly tell the person on the phone that if the individual isn’t loading or unloading, he needs to move his vehicle to allow our warehouse to utilize their forklift to unload the truck.

No one comes out.

I call the kitchen again and I am informed that the guest has gone to the restroom. After twenty minutes, I call them again. Now, they don’t know where he is. Apparently, he has gone up into our office spaces to talk to a friend while this truck is outside. Displeased with this news, I ask the kitchen staff to get the make, model, and license plate number down for me, and once the information is provided, I use our building PA system to make a general announcement to the building, asking the driver to return and move their vehicle to our guest parking lot.

No one comes out.

It has now been thirty minutes. I make a second announcement, and as time goes on, a third. Now there are two trucks in our lot which are backing up our parking traffic.

It is time to make “The Call”.

I pick up the phone and summon the lot shark, a spotter that we use to tow vehicles when need be and, unfortunately for the driver of the Audi, not only is he already IN our parking lot but he has preemptively dispatched their tow truck which is almost to the property.

Utilizing the PA, I make another announcement, calling to the driver of the SUV and informing the building that the vehicle will be towed shortly.

The driver doesn’t make an appearance until the second truck is almost done being unloaded, a full two and a half hours after his initial arrival.

He is absolutely pissed that his car is gone and shouts abuse at our warehouse workers before making his way to security where he demands that we bring the vehicle back, telling us that we had no right to tow him from private property.

Now, I don’t know where this poor, poor man learned the law, but it takes a concentrated effort to keep my customer service face on.

Me: “Sir, we made several announcements. Were you able to hear them in your area?”

Guest: “Of course, but towing from a private lot is illegal! You can’t do that!”

Me: “I can assure you that it is perfectly legal, sir. The loading dock is clearly marked as not only a no-parking zone but a tow-away zone with several signs. In compliance with state law, we also have signs clearly displaying the company information for our towing contractor.”

Guest: “You can’t tow from a private lot! I need my car back now or I am calling the police!”

Me: “I am sorry, sir, but I do not work for the towing contractor. Once they have your vehicle, I can’t make them surrender it unless it was towed in error, as they have generated a bill that needs to be paid.”


I have to admit, at this point, my resolve slips a little bit.

Me: “No.”

Guest: “EXCUSE ME?!”

Me: “No.”


Me: “Let me know how that goes for you.”

The police show up about five minutes later. I’m not sure what he told them to get them to arrive that fast, but they do. The Audi driver wastes no time shouting at the officer and waving his hands around exaggeratedly almost as soon as the officer gets out of his patrol car.

Whatever it is he says strikes a nerve.

The officer takes one casual look around from where he is standing and seems to take a deep breath before holding up a hand, stopping the Audi driver’s shouting.

I watch on the cameras as the officer literally takes this man to every. Single. One. Of our no-parking signs and points them out individually, very obviously going over every word on them and reading them off loudly. He then shows him the red curbs, the stripes on the ground, and the signs within our loading dock itself. The best part is that, while our cameras have no audio, the officer’s body language strongly suggests he is breaking down every single parking control implement as if the man he is speaking to is two years old.

The officer then pulls out a small red book, flips it open, and reads from a page. Once he puts it away, the Audi driver stalks off, taking out his cellphone as he starts reading the information on one of the signs.

The officer shakes his head and comes upstairs.

Me: “Good morning, Officer!”

Officer: “Not when you have to deal with people like that right at the start of a shift!”

Me: “Are you going to arrest me for illegally towing a car off of private property?”

Officer: “Don’t… don’t do that. Would you like to trespass him?”

Me: “No, sir, I don’t believe that will be necessary.”

Officer: “You’re nicer than me.”

Me: “Unfortunately.”

Officer: *Sniffing the air* “Can you let me in through the lobby gate so I can get some of that coffee?”

Me: “I’d be glad to.”

Our kitchen staff gave the officer a full breakfast and a company travel mug of coffee for free, probably out of guilt that their guest had caused such a scene.

We’re So Exhausted On Your Behalf

, , , , , | Healthy | February 25, 2022

The lack of support from security at my hospital is insane. We have limited visitation due to rising health crisis cases.

Once, a whole family showed up when a patient was really only allowed one person. On top of it, they refused to follow the masking rules. How they got by screening, I’ll never know. Even if they wore masks downstairs, there’s no way a whole group should’ve been let up.

And when staff confronted them on the floor, they threatened to get violent with the nurses. When security finally showed up, they talked to the family for maybe ten minutes and didn’t even escort them out, saying, “They promised to leave in five minutes.” What a joke.

My favorite is [health crisis]-positive patients refusing to stay in their rooms and threatening to walk the halls to give everyone their illness, coughing in your face if you argue with them.

Then, there was an old man refusing to pull up his mask when asked, saying, “Honey, I would if I could,” rolling his eyes, and walking away. Surely, it’s more uncomfortable and inconvenient to wear it improperly?

I have more stories than I could possibly recount.