(My friend often touches up and edits photos from customers — in other words, Photoshop. One day a customer comes in looking upset.)

Customer: “Can you please restore my photo? I don’t know why my granddad’s hair is faded white. I need you to put black on it. He’s so young!”

(My friend takes a look at the photo. It’s a gritty black-and-white photo of a young man and woman. The man is Caucasian while the woman is East Asian. They look like a couple from their demeanor.)

Customer: “Please! It’s my only picture of my granddad. Read the back. And this is the first time I’ve ever laid eyes on him.”

Friend: “Ma’am… your granddad is Caucasian. He has blond hair. That’s why it looks ‘faded white.’”

Customer: “What? I’m Korean! How is that possible?”

Friend: “…”

Customer: “…”

Friend: “Well. All I can say is that this man in the photo has blond hair. There is nothing wrong with this photo.”

Customer: “I’m white? Really?”

Friend: “You’re mixed race.”

Customer: “…”

(The customer left with her mouth open.)

(I am a graphic designer working with a client on a logo. The logo has been created, but she keeps wanting to change the shade of pink.)

Client: “That’s good, but I really want that pink to be more pastel.”

(I pick something more pastel and send it back.)

Client: “No, more pastel.”

(I try again and again to get this pastel pink she wants. We’ve probably gone through fifty different pinks at this point.)

Me: “Ma’am, as I asked you the first time, do you have some sort of swatch or reference for this pink?”

Client: “Why can’t you just make it more pastel?!”

Me: “There are hundreds of different shades of pink I could pick. Some sort of reference would really be appreciated.”

Client: “Just pastel! Like a flamingo!”

(I almost had to leave the building after that.)

(I’m a graphic designer but I take on some freelance jobs outside of my regular job. A client contacts me, looking for a brochure design for his upcoming art show at a small gallery. His work is very cool and I decide to take on the job. After receiving multiple e-mails from him freaking out about how “It just doesn’t FEEL like my art. It needs to FEEL better!” I decide to meet with him to go over it in person.)

Me: “So, what aren’t you liking about the current design? We’ve discussed all the changes and up until this point you seemed ok with it.”

Client: *touching the print out* “The FEEL is all wrong! Wrong, wrong, wrong!”

Me: “Okay, can you explain a bit more? What about the feel isn’t right?”

Client: “You know! The FEEL!” *start rubbing the piece of paper on his face and flinging it all around in the air*

Me: “Do you mean the paper? This isn’t the final paper stock we’re printing on, just regular printer paper.”

Client: “Oh, okay. Good because this s*** is NASTY!” *throws all the papers on the ground and points at my computer screen* “But also, this colour here is just so WRONG!”

Me: *collecting papers* “All right, we can change that. What colour were you thinking?”

Client: “A bright blue! Oh, wait… maybe a dark and moody blue.”

Me: *makes changes on screen* “Do you like either of these?”

Client: “Are you an idiot!? Neither of those are blue! How can you call yourself a designer if you think THAT’S blue!”

(The client is now kneeling on his chair and flailing his arms in the air while screeching at me.)

Me: “Okay! Why don’t you go through the colours here and see if there’s something you like better!”

(The client calms down and scrolls for a solid 15 minutes through the colours while practically lying across the table.)

Client: “This one! It’s PERFECT!”

Me: “Umm… all right, then.”

(We settled on a lovely Forest “Blue” and concluded the project after printing. The kicker? I went to his show the next week and found that he didn’t use my design but decided to make all new brochures by finger painting them and handing out still wet pieces of paper at the show.)

(We do design and printing for various bars and restaurants around town. I’ve only been working here for about a year. I’m assigned a job to create a ‘Now Open’ banner for a tropical-themed bar, but the sales rep has returned the job with vague changes.)

Me: “Hey, [Lead Designer], I don’t understand what these changes mean. Can you take a look?”

Lead: *looks at my design* “Oh, wow! That’s so pretty and presentable! It must not be ugly enough. Sales reps like things big and ugly.”

Me: “So… change it so the text is ugly and impossibly big and crowds out the logos and background?”

Lead: “Yeah, that should do it.”

(I make the text so ridiculously huge and cramped you can’t even tell what it’s for anymore. I submit the job and the sales rep approves it.)

Me: “…”

(I’m emailing a client about edits to a letter I’ve typeset for her.)

Client: “Take out the whole sentence ‘May you use it in good health.'”

Me: “How about changing it to ‘And may the odds be ever in your favor!’?”

Client: *facepalm*