I paint in my spare time, and so I frequent a nearby arts supply store. I am looking for a specific size of canvas— 10″ x 20″ — to finish the third of a three-piece series I’m working on. However, the only 10″ x 20″ canvases I can find are in a package of six. This isn’t a problem, but the top canvas has about a one-inch tear in it, rendering it unusable, so I really would only get five canvases out of it. I take the pack to the cashier.

I’ve worked retail before, so I know of the possibility of damage discounts, and I am decidedly NOT a jerk to cashiers when I ask about these things.

Me: “Hi. I wanted to see if you’d be able to give me a damage discount on this pack of canvases. These are the only 10” x 20”s you have, and I can’t use this top one because of that tear.”

Cashier: “You’re sure that’s the only one? There are no others on the floor?”

Me: “Yeah, I walked around to all the places you’ve got canvases a couple of times to make sure. I need this size, and this is the only pack you’ve got. Not even singles.”

Cashier: *Very hesitant* “I don’t know if I’m allowed to do that. I’d need to talk to my manager.”

Me: “That’s fine.”

The cashier calls a manager and he comes to her register. She explains the situation and my request. The manager frowns.

Manager: “And there weren’t any other canvases in this size?”

I’m a little annoyed but understand that they have to ask.

Me: “No, I’ve looked all around.”

Manager: “Well, our only other option would be to open up the package and resell each one by itself. We could let you buy one that way.”

Me: “What? No. I’ll still use all the good ones. You don’t have to unpackage it. I just don’t want to pay for six canvases when I’ll only be able to use five. Do you see what I mean?”

The manager pauses, and I’m confused as to exactly why they’re so hesitant. If they can’t do it, they could just say so. And if they can, why the reluctance? Both he and the cashier seem uninterested in giving me an answer at all, let alone granting my request. Finally, the manager speaks in a “you’re not going to like this” tone.

Manager: “Well, it’s not going to be a very big discount. You’re not going to save much at all.”

Me: “Well, how much would you take off if you were to do it?”

Manager: *In the same tone* “Probably only ten percent.”

Me: “Oh. That’s fine. I don’t need a huge discount. I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t paying for product I wouldn’t use.”

The manager pauses again and shrugs.

Manager: “Okay, then.”

They finally put the discount through, and I left. It was the weirdest transaction, like they were just acting like they were trying to accommodate me by giving me a “low” discount, and hoping I’d just tell them to forget it. I wasn’t rude and I wasn’t pushy. I just wanted to know if it was an option. I wouldn’t have even cared if they’d said no, so long as they gave me an answer instead of playing games!

Me: “Good morning, [Office].”

Caller: “Good morning! This is [Caller] with customer service, and I’m calling in regards to your copier!”

The office did get a new copier a few months ago. However, we are often in contact with the business, and we have a specific customer representative who works with us, and his name is not [Caller].

Me: “Okay…”

Guy: “Yes, we need the make and model of your copier so that we can send you an updated invoice!”

Me: “So, you’re with [Copier Business]?”

Guy: “Yes.”

I glance at my caller ID.

Me: “Then why does my caller ID show you as ‘Unknown Caller, Blocked Number’?”

There was an indrawn breath on the other line and then he hung up.

I have to go get routine blood work and I am not required to fast. I normally get lightheaded and dizzy when doing blood work but only when I have to fast. Still, I’m not the best with needles so I always try to warn the phlebotomist ahead of time.

Me: “Hey, just so you know, I’m not good with getting blood drawn and I have nearly fainted in the past once.”

Phlebotomist: “Nope, not again. Stand up.”

She has me get up off the chair so she can recline it so I’m less likely to get woozy. 

Me: “What did you mean not again?”

Phlebotomist: “I’ve had three appointments already today where people have fainted because they neglected to tell me they had issues with getting blood drawn until after they were on the ground.”

This story was featured in our May 2020 roundup!

Click here to read the next story!

Click here to go back to the roundup!

One day, my siblings and I go with my mother to pick up my little cousin from daycare. My cousin mispronounces his last name as “Captain,” which my mom finds adorable. When we get to his daycare, a woman announces over a loudspeaker, “[Cousin’s Full Name], dismissal! [Cousin’s Full Name], dismissal!”, and they bring him out.

As we’re walking through the parking lot, my mom, as usual, asks my cousin, “What’s your name?” This time, he answers, “[Cousin] Captain Missile!”

My siblings hate going to the movies with me because they say I cry or laugh way too easily, and they’re right.

After working in fast food, tutoring, and offices on campus, I get my first retail job in an office supply store at the beginning of summer. Before I begin, they warn me that 1, the Back-To-School Season starts as soon as the school year ends, meaning now, and 2, the Back-To-School Season is their busiest season. They’re obviously worried I’ll find it overwhelming, but I love the fast pace; the busier the day is, the faster it goes, after all.

After I’ve been there for less than a month, I’m checking out a woman with two small kids. Two managers are talking at the print center counter several yards away. The woman’s little girl absolutely cannot keep still. She’s not messing up anything, just jumping all over the place and chatting away, obviously annoying her nice but harried mother.

Finally, she just takes off her shoes, which, for some reason, I find hilarious, but I restrain my laughter. After the mother finishes paying and gathering her bags, I find the way she sighs and says, “Okay, put your shoes back on,” even more hilarious; it’s taking all my willpower not to laugh, but I successfully hold it in, not wanting to offend her.

Fortunately, the entrance is right by my register. As soon as the door closes behind them, I burst out laughing so hard, I double over, clutching my stomach. As I stand up, one of the managers hurries over to me, looking frantic.

Manager: “Are you all right?”

Me: “I’m fine.”

The manager lets out a sigh of relief.

Manager: “Oh, we thought you were crying.”

Me: “What? No, I was laughing, I’m sorry.”

Manager: “Oh, good. That’s all we need: another cashier breaking down. It’s too early in the season for crying.”

I never did break down or cry, although, before I graduated and left, I gasped in horror when I heard how a customer threw a hard drive at my manager’s head.