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God Is Busy With Revelations, Fighting Evil, And Ensuring That Maude Gets Her Items On Clearance

, , , , , | Right | May 22, 2020

Every Sunday, we scan items on the sales floor and mark them down for clearance. Customers will sometimes see what we’re doing and ask us to scan items they want to buy to see if they’re on clearance, and since it only takes a second of our time, we’re allowed to oblige them.

It’s currently the afternoon and a sweet little old lady who looks like she just came from church approaches me with some jewelry.

Sweet Lady: “Excuse me, but I noticed you were doing the clearance and I wanted to buy this, but I was wondering if you could see if it’s on sale for me?”

She hands me the jewelry and I happily scan it for her. The machine beeps and prints out a clearance ticket for the item.

Me: “You’re in luck. It’s on clearance!”

The lady suddenly shouts at the floor, catching me by surprise.

Sweet Lady: “YES! Screw you, Satan! That’s another victory for the Lord!”

She then shuffled off to pay for her items while I tried hard not to burst out laughing.

The Crackers Are When You Know You’ve Cracked

, , , | Right | May 21, 2020

While changing the shelves for some inventory, I find some crackers that have expired. I am crushing the packet against the counter a bit before discarding them as per policy when a little girl rounds the corner and sees this, and her eyes widen.

Me: “Don’t worry; those crackers were evil.”

Little Girl: “How do you know?”

Me: “They went bad.”

Fresh Out Of Expectations

, , , | Right | May 14, 2020

I work in the bakery of a grocery store. Every day, we pull the items that expire the next day and mark them 50% off and put them on our 50%-off rack.

Bakery Manager: “I thought you should know, [Store Manager] said he got a phone call complaining about our department.”

Me: “Oh? What was the problem?”

Bakery Manager: “Well, it seems that a customer purchased a pie off of our 50%-off rack and was mad that it didn’t taste freshly-made.”

Preventative Procedures Protect Patients And Pets

, , , , , | Healthy | May 14, 2020

Because of the recent health crisis, our vet has decided not to allow people in the building. This is made clear when you make the appointment. You call to say you’ve arrived and someone comes out to take your pet. Then, the vet calls to discuss the visit and payment is taken when your pet is returned. It’s extra work and wait time, but I understand their caution.

I am waiting in my car for my vet to run my bank card when a woman pulls up and gets out of her car. She has a small dog in a blanket in her arms. She approaches the door and pushes, but it is locked. She looks through the window, knocks, and then steps back. I think that is when she notices the sign on the door, explaining the new procedure. The woman takes a picture of the sign using her phone camera and then knocks again, harder this time.

Finally, the receptionist comes to the door. Before unlocking it, the receptionist pulls her mask over her face. The woman on the outside — who is not wearing a mask — rolls her eyes and twirls her free hand in a “hurry up” motion.

Receptionist: “Yes, ma’am?”

Woman: “We have an appointment.”

She tries to push the door open but the receptionist holds her ground.

Receptionist: “Okay, I’ll get your paperwork together if you’ll just head back to your vehicle and—”

Woman: “No, just move. This is ridiculous.”

Receptionist: “I know it’s strange, but we have adapted a new protocol because of—”

Woman: “I don’t care. You can’t deny me entry when you’re expecting me.” *Pushes again* “Move!”

The receptionist does not move but pushes the door shut and locks it. The woman pounds on the glass so hard it shakes. A moment later, the receptionist returns with the vet. This time they do not unlock the door.

Woman: “Finally! This girl won’t let me in!”

Vet: “I am sorry, but we cannot allow you in the building.”

Woman: “This is illegal!”

Vet: “No, ma’am, I assure you it’s not.”

Woman: “How can you do this?”

The vet explains how things are currently being run.

Woman: *With her nose in the air* “Well, I’ll just go to another vet!”

Vet: “Have your new veterinarian call me for your dog’s medical history.”

The vet and receptionist walk away, leaving the woman fuming at the door. She stands there for a little while before getting back in her car and driving off. The receptionist then comes out with my bank card and receipt.

Receptionist: “Hi, sorry for the wait. I was coming out to you before… but… that woman…”

Me: “Totally understandable. I wouldn’t have come out, either.”

I don’t know what happened with that woman, but I do know that every vet office in the area is run by the same medical staff and operating under the same protocol.

About As Sick Of This As The Parents Are

, , , , | Right | May 12, 2020

I am working at a popular sandwich chain at lunchtime. While working the line making sandwiches, I notice a family — a mom, dad, and a young boy — that just sat down a few minutes ago looking nervous and getting ready to leave already. I pause what I am doing to make sure they are okay.

Me: “Was everything okay for you guys today?”

Mom: “Oh, um, yes, everything was fine!”

They then rushed out of the store before I could try to say anything else. About ten minutes later, our rush was over, and I went out to clean the dining room. I found that their young son had thrown up under the table, and they had rushed out before anyone could notice.