A Self-Labelled Idiot

, , | Right | July 26, 2021

I work in the print department of an office store, and I’m in charge of the [Shipping Company] shipping station, as well. Customers can ship packages in our store or drop off packages if they have a prepaid [Shipping Company] label. One day a customer comes in with a box, onto which she has written the address and return information. I greet her, thinking things will go normally.

Me: “Hello! What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “I have a package for [Shipping Company].”

Me: “Am I shipping this out for you, or do you have a label?”

Customer: “The label is right on the package.”

Me: *Looks for it* “There’s no label here. I can create one for you, but you will have to pay for shipping.”

Customer: “Why would I have to pay for shipping? Can’t I just drop it off?”

Me: “No, I would have to create a label because it has to be a [Shipping Company] package.”

Customer: “This is a [Shipping Company] package.”

I was silent for a few seconds. I don’t know how she got the idea into her head that she could just write down the information on the box to mail it through [Shipping Company]. I explained, again, how shipping services work, just for her to leave the store because she didn’t want to pay for shipping.

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Those Impossible Demands Will Come Back To Bite You In The Face

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: TankDiveGirl | May 26, 2021

I work at an office supply store. I have a man come in and snap at me about wanting a heavy-duty chair mat. Okay, fine. The guy DEMANDS that I roll it up. We don’t usually roll the heavy ones because it’s dang near impossible to do, especially for smaller people. I’m 5’2″ and 120 pounds on a heavy day, and I have a hard time maneuvering heavy stuff, as you might imagine.

So, I tell the guy that we don’t usually roll this type, and he snaps at me again.

Customer: “I just bought one last month and the guy had no problem rolling it!”

Okay, fine. I take the mat over to our print center to get one of the ladies to tape it while I roll it. The man follows me.

Customer: “What’s taking so long?! Last time, they took it in the back and used a machine to roll it! Only took a minute!”

I look right at him.

Me: “Sir, we have nothing like that in the back.”


Me: “Okay, sir.”

I rolled his mat up with the points facing out. He smacked himself in the face with it on the way out. I’m not gonna lie; I laughed.

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Insert Several Clapping Emoji Here

, , , , , | Right | February 11, 2021

I am shopping for supplies for a charity I help run. There is one other customer in the same aisle as me: a young woman in a polo and dark pants. Employees of this store wear a different color polo and khaki pants. Another customer turns down the aisle and makes a beeline for the young woman.

Customer: “You. Where are your [product]s? I’ve been all over and I can’t find it. Your store is horribly organized.”

Young Woman: “Oh, I don’t work here, but I think—”

Customer: *Cutting her off* “I insist that you show me where they are, now! I am in quite a hurry!”

The young woman abruptly claps her hands several times, right in the other customer’s face. She looks startled and stops talking.

Young Woman: “Li-sten! I. Don’t. Work. Here.”

Customer: “Uh… but I need—”

Young Woman: “I. Don’t. Work. Here.”

She clapped a couple more times when the customer tried to speak, and finally, the customer slunk off to find someone who actually worked there. I gave the young woman a golf clap and we shared an eye roll before we both got back to shopping.

This story is part of our Best Of February 2021 roundup!

Read the next Best Of February 2021 roundup story!

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Jew You See What I See?, Part 2

, , , , | Right | January 22, 2021

It is the middle of our back-to-school season, and I recently acquired a second job teaching Sunday School at a local synagogue. I am nearing the end of a transaction with a customer, who is purchasing several of our weekly sale items.

Customer: “You have such great sales! We already got our school supplies for the year, but at these prices, I just want to stock up!”

Me: “Yeah, our back-to-school prices are pretty great. I’m a student, and I actually just got a teaching position, so I stocked up on a bunch of supplies myself. Some for me and some for my classroom!”

Customer: “Oh! That’s amazing! What do you teach?”

Me: “I teach Hebrew and Torah School at [Synagogue].”

Customer: “Wow! That’s so great! But…”

She pauses to give me a knowing glance.

Customer: “Do you believe in Jesus yet?”

Me: “Actually, I’m Jewish, and belief in Jesus isn’t a part of Judaism.”

Customer: “Well, you need to believe in Jesus if you’re going to be teaching religion.”

Me: *A little tentatively* Well, ma’am, I am Jewish and will be teaching Jewish children, and Jesus isn’t actually a part of our religion.”

She smiles knowingly and reaches out to put her hand on my wrist.

Customer: “It’s okay. You’ll be spending plenty of time at your church once you start teaching. The love of Jesus will come to you eventually.”

She takes her purchases and leaves. I turn to a coworker.

Me: “Did that just happen?”

Jew You See What I See?

This story is part of the Back To School roundup!

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Customers Like This Should Be Illegal

, , , , | Right | December 28, 2020

I work at an office supply store that also has a print shop. This particular day, our lead has called in sick, so I started early and am on my own for the day. We don’t normally do on-the-spot service, and today will be worse; I won’t be able to take as many same-day orders for the evening since I’m alone manning the counter and doing orders.

About halfway through my twelve-hour shift, a lady comes in needing a job done. It’s late afternoon, so it’s pretty dead traffic-wise and she is the only one at my counter.

Me: “Hello, I’m [My Name]. How can I help?

Customer: “Hey. I’m in a pinch and need to file these before the court closes in a few hours. How fast can you get these done?”

Me: “Unfortunately, I can’t take any more on-the-spot orders as we had a sick call and I’m alone all day. If it’s just a straight print job, you’re welcome to use self-serve. Otherwise, you’re looking at tomorrow morning at the earliest.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll do that. I’ll be back.”

I say okay, not knowing what she meant. I probably should have taken a hint that this would turn into more. But in my defense, I am running around and stressed.

After about twenty minutes, she comes over with three copies of a 250-page document.

Me: “Hey, did you get your stuff printed okay? Do you need a box?”

Customer: “A box would be good. I’m going to browse the store until you’re done.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “I need them bound. I can’t file them like this.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I really can’t. As I explained, I already have a bunch of orders and I’m by myself.”

Customer: “What do you mean? There is no one here!”

Me: “No, there isn’t right now, but we were busy all morning and it took up all my availability, unfortunately. Sorry about that. You could try [Store about fifteen minutes away] since I know they aren’t as busy. I could call them quickly to check, too.”

Customer: “No, I want you to do them!”

Me: “Ma’am, I really can’t at the moment. I’m really sorry.”

Customer: “Well, sorry doesn’t cut it. I’m a f****** lawyer who needs them done now, or I swear I will sue your a**. Get me management!”

I call a manager who comes up immediately.

Manager: “What seems to be the problem here?”

Customer: “I need these files in two hours and your lazy employee here won’t do it! It would only take like ten minutes, and there is no one else here, so I should get priority because I’m here!”

Manager: “Unfortunately, ma’am, we had a few sick calls, so this young lady is alone today.”

Customer: “Don’t give me excuses! You have a duty to do my order or else I’m calling head office!”

I immediately shudder because, for base-level employees, a call to head office, no matter how unjustified and ridiculous, results in a write-up.

Manager: *Sighs* “I suppose we can pull someone from the floor; however, you will have to pay additional labour fees and rush fees.”

I know exactly what my manager is trying to do and I’m interested to see what will happen.

Manager: “So, in total, we are going to charge you twenty for the three binds, and since it will take about twenty minutes to bind them the way you want, twenty dollars in labour fees. Does that work for you?”

Customer: “That’s insane! I’m not paying that much.”

Manager: “Well, there isn’t much else I can do. Sorry, ma’am.”

Customer: “You’re not f****** sorry! I swear, I will sue you all! How dare you treat a representative of the law like this?! I will have all your jobs! I’m never coming back here!”

She then stormed out after pushing all her documents on the floor. About twenty minutes later, she sheepishly walked in and asked for them. I gave them to her and she walked out, saying profanities. She was back a week later and acted like the whole thing had never happened.

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