(I work at a hotel where some of the rooms overlook the lake. I get a customer checked in and give him a key to a room overlooking the lake, but he comes back to the front desk after five minutes.)

Customer: “This is unacceptable!”

Me: “Is there a problem, sir?”

Customer: “I went down there, and there is room 144, then 146, there is no 145!”

Me: “Sir, it’s on the other side of the hotel. You have to go through the hallway.”

Customer: “So I have to walk through someone else’s room?”

Me: “No, this room is on the lake side of the hotel.”

Customer: “The lake side? Well, how do I get there? I don’t have a boat!”

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Me: “Hello, sir, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “Hi, are you hiring?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. This is a family-run business. Is there something you wanted to eat?”

Customer: “No. I wanted a job.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we cannot hire you. If you don’t want anything to eat, I’m going to have to ask you to leave. We are very busy today.”

(The customer leaves, frustrated. Not ten minutes later, he returns.)

Me: “Hello again, do you want something to eat now?”

(The customer gets down on one knee.)

Customer: “Will you marry me?”

Me: “Sir, please stand up.”

Customer: “Please? It’s my only hope of getting a job!”

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(This is an independent bank with only four loan officers.)

Me: “Here’s your receipt. Are you all set?”

Customer: “I need to speak with my loan officer for a minute.”

Me: “Okay, that’s Joe. Let me check if he’s available.”

Customer: “No! Rich is my loan officer.”

Me: “No, Joe is. He talked to you last week, remember? Tall guy with a moustache?”

Customer: “Rich has been my loan officer for eight years. I want to speak with him!”

Me: “Rich died three years ago.”

Customer: *silence*

Me: “So, I’ll get Joe?’”

Customer: “Right, Joe.”

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Me: “Our records show you’ve never had a prescription filled here before, so I’ll need an ID and your insurance.”

Customer: “Here’s my ID. I don’t have my insurance on me, but it’s through [Car Insurance Company].”

Me: “Sir, I think that’s your car insurance. Do you have health insurance?”

Customer: “You mean there’s more than one kind?”

(An elderly couple comes through my counter with some wine.)

Me: *joking around* “Are you sure you two are old enough to have this tonight?” *holds up wine*

Customer: “Kid, I have underwear old enough to buy that.”

Customer’s Wife: *laughs hysterically*

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