Helping A Customer To Help Themself

, , , , | Right | May 3, 2020

A customer walks up to the register across from mine, which is closed. My current customer is speaking to me, and I can’t interrupt, so it takes around ten seconds before I can say to the new customer:

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but that line is closed. I can help you here.”

Customer: “Well, you could’ve f****** told me that sooner instead of making me look like a f****** idiot!”

My head whips around at the not just the venom, but the volume of her voice. I put on my best customer service smile.

Me: “It doesn’t appear you need any help to look like an idiot.”

Yes, I got in trouble. Yes, it was worth it.

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Let’s Take A Raincheck On This Jerk-A-Roni

, , , , , | Right | March 29, 2020

(I am a checker in a grocery store, working after the managers have already gone home and the stockers are working the aisles. There is a certain customer who most of us dread dealing with because he says inappropriate things to the checkers as “jokes.” One night, he comes storming up to my check lane, basket in hand. Important to the story: [Rice Mix] is on sale.)

Customer: “There isn’t any beef [Rice Mix] on the shelf! This is [expletive] ridiculous.”

Me: “Did you ask the stockers? There might be more in back.”

Customer: “You ask the stockers. That’s your job. I’m not going back there for that.”

(I sign out of my register and walk to the aisle the rice is in with him following right behind me. The stockers are stocking the [Rice Mix] section and have been for a while. I ask one of the stockers if there is any more beef [Rice Mix] on the pallet or in back, and he says they are completely out and gives me the date they expect more, which is after the sale is over. I turn back to the customer.)

Me: “If you go up to the office, they will give you a raincheck for the rice.”

Customer: “I don’t want a [expletive] raincheck, I want my beef [Rice Mix]!”

Me: “The store brand is cheaper than the sale price on the [Rice Mix], and there is a beef one.”

Customer: *now screaming* “This is [expletive]! I will have your job for this!”

(I am tired and past caring.)

Me: “You can have my job. It really isn’t that good.”

(He stared at me for a moment in disbelief and the stockers started laughing. He screamed that he was going to have us all fired. Then, he walked to a different register, checked out, and left. I never heard anything from management and I never saw him again. It wasn’t a glorious triumph, but I’m counting it as a win.)

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The Holy Yo-yo

, , , , , | Right | January 22, 2020

(I overheard this in a toy store.)

Woman: “I don’t care if it’s solid gold and autographed by Jesus; no yoyo is worth thirty dollars!”

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On A Scale Of One To Ten, How Much Of An A** Are You?

, , , , | Right | December 30, 2019

(I work at a ski resort. My coworker is a surveyor on the mountain asking questions of guests and how they like the mountain. The questions are on a one-to-ten scale.)

Coworker: “Excuse me, may I ask you a few questions while you’re riding the chair?”

Skier:Oh, no! Not another survey. I’ve already answered all those long-a** questions and I am not doing it again!”

Coworker: “Okay, well, do you mind if I ask the man sitting next to you?”

Skier:No! I don’t even want to hear them all over again.”

(A few moments pass by, as it’s a long chair.)

Skier: “So, on a scale of one to ten, how pissed are you that I didn’t answer your questions?”

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Jesus Found The Old But Gold Comebacks

, , , , , | Right | December 26, 2019

(I work behind the customer service desk for a large supermarket retail chain. I’m kind of a goth girl, and today I wear my Marilyn Manson T-shirt to work. This morning, I am speaking with another cashier before I punch in and have yet to put on my company-issued “work shirt.” Therefore, my Manson t-shirt is visible to everyone. The customer the cashier is waiting on while we are talking happens to notice my T-shirt. She, herself, is wearing a “Jesus Saves” shirt.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but I really don’t think it’s appropriate for a young lady to be wearing such filth on a T-shirt to her place of work for customers to see.”

Me: *showing her my work shirt* “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I haven’t started my shift yet and I am not yet on the clock. I’ll be putting this on as soon as I punch in.”

Customer: “But isn’t he a Satanist?”

Me: “I’m not sure, to be honest with you, but I like his music and that is my personal opinion.”

Customer: *pauses before handing me a religious pamphlet* “I suggest you find Jesus.”

Me: *without missing a beat* “Why? Is he missing?”

(The customer mumbled something under her breath and left.)

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