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The Power Of Celebrity Is Nothing Compared To The Power Of Caffeine

, , , , | Right | July 9, 2021

A famous singer comes into our coffee place and orders a drink. We’re in an area of California where you would see a lot of celebrities.

Me: “That will be [total].”

The singer seems to be shocked that I have charged her.

Singer: “Don’t you know who I am?”

Me: “Yes, you’re the person holding up my line by refusing to pay for your drink. Beyond that I don’t care.”

I didn’t last long after that.

How To Make An Entrance

, , , , , , | Right | March 23, 2021

A group of three people, one of whom is using a walker, enters the foyer area of the warehouse here I work. It is about -4°C/25°F plus windchill coming in through the doors. After about twenty minutes, the gentleman in the group approaches me.

Gentleman: “We are waiting for our friend who has the card, but can we come inside? My aunt is feeling really cold.”

Me: “Oh, definitely! Tell her to sit right here.” *Points to a spot* “It’s the warmest spot at the entrance.”

With many thanks, they enter and stay put about six feet behind me. In the almost forty-five minutes they wait for their friend, they overhear me, multiple times, asking people for their membership cards.

At about the half-hour mark, I ask one “lady” for her card. I won’t repeat her response because I like to keep things family-friendly. I do not react or comment, as I have been called worse. From behind me, I hear:

Gentleman: *Loudly* “Well, ain’t she special!”

The “lady” starts swearing at him.

Gentleman: *To me* “Do you get that a lot?”

Me: “Unfortunately, yes. But all I can do is ask if they have their card.”

Gentleman: “Well, that’s not right!”

Me: “Sir, you can say that. I can’t.”

We repeat the request and response with a few more members. The gentleman has various retorts.

Gentleman: “D***! Even I know the rules, and I ain’t even a member.”

Gentleman: “Too cool to pull plastic!”

Gentleman: “Yooo! Are you deaf?”

By the time their friend showed up, this group, especially the gentleman, called out at least ten people for ignoring quite publicly-known policy for the membership-only store!

They made my normally miserable Saturday entrance shift MUCH more enjoyable! They called out the members for behaviour that I cannot — at least, not if I want to keep my job.

And That’s The Historical Tea

, , , , , , , | Right | February 12, 2021

The cafe I work in sits near several major transport links, so we get a lot of travelers, national and international, on a daily basis. One of my coworkers is somewhat notorious for having little to no brain-mouth filter and fairly anti-establishment views.

It’s late November and we have an American guest who’s making small talk after receiving her coffee. She starts talking about Thanksgiving and how the UK doesn’t have a comparable day.

Guest: “I just don’t understand why you don’t celebrate anything like it. Are you not thankful for your country?”

Coworker: “We are, but if we celebrated every time we exterminated a native population and stole their country, we’d only need to work twenty days a year.”

Guest: “…”

She made a hasty retreat to her table afterward.

This story is part of our Best Of February 2021 roundup!

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A Bloody Brilliant Response

, , , , , | Friendly | January 29, 2021

I am at a hangout with about half a dozen friends. There is one new guy to our group, and a female friend who tends to recycle Internet humor. The new guy decides to ask her out.

Friend: “Sorry, I’m taken.”

New Guy: “C’mon, give me a chance!”

Friend: “No, I already have plans, anyway.”

New Guy: “Please?”

Friend: “Shut up.”

New Guy: *Exasperated* “You must be on your period.”

Friend: “I started this day in a pool of my own blood. Is that how you want to end yours?”

Oh Navajo She Didn’t!

, , , | Right | January 26, 2021

I work for a Native American tribe. One day, a coworker of mine, who is Native American, comes in on his day off to get a drink. As he’s deciding on something to snack on, a woman comes in looking equal parts disgusted and livid. She’s very upset over something, but it’s hard to tell what.

Coworker: “Ma’am, are you okay? Did something happen?”

Customer: “I just hate having to come in here and deal with you lazy f****** Indians. I hate [Tribe], and every last f****** one of you.”

Coworker: “Well, get your a** back in your canoe and paddle your way back to England, lady; we were here first.”

This story is part of our Best Of January 2021 roundup!

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