The Holy Yo-yo

, , , , , | Right | January 22, 2020

(I overheard this in a toy store.)

Woman: “I don’t care if it’s solid gold and autographed by Jesus; no yoyo is worth thirty dollars!”

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On A Scale Of One To Ten, How Much Of An A** Are You?

, , , , | Right | December 30, 2019

(I work at a ski resort. My coworker is a surveyor on the mountain asking questions of guests and how they like the mountain. The questions are on a one-to-ten scale.)

Coworker: “Excuse me, may I ask you a few questions while you’re riding the chair?”

Skier:Oh, no! Not another survey. I’ve already answered all those long-a** questions and I am not doing it again!”

Coworker: “Okay, well, do you mind if I ask the man sitting next to you?”

Skier:No! I don’t even want to hear them all over again.”

(A few moments pass by, as it’s a long chair.)

Skier: “So, on a scale of one to ten, how pissed are you that I didn’t answer your questions?”

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Jesus Found The Old But Gold Comebacks

, , , , , | Right | December 26, 2019

(I work behind the customer service desk for a large supermarket retail chain. I’m kind of a goth girl, and today I wear my Marilyn Manson T-shirt to work. This morning, I am speaking with another cashier before I punch in and have yet to put on my company-issued “work shirt.” Therefore, my Manson t-shirt is visible to everyone. The customer the cashier is waiting on while we are talking happens to notice my T-shirt. She, herself, is wearing a “Jesus Saves” shirt.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but I really don’t think it’s appropriate for a young lady to be wearing such filth on a T-shirt to her place of work for customers to see.”

Me: *showing her my work shirt* “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I haven’t started my shift yet and I am not yet on the clock. I’ll be putting this on as soon as I punch in.”

Customer: “But isn’t he a Satanist?”

Me: “I’m not sure, to be honest with you, but I like his music and that is my personal opinion.”

Customer: *pauses before handing me a religious pamphlet* “I suggest you find Jesus.”

Me: *without missing a beat* “Why? Is he missing?”

(The customer mumbled something under her breath and left.)

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Double Order Means Double Disorder  

, , , , , | Right | December 19, 2019

(My customer admits to setting up a new account for his services at his neighbour’s property to trick us into thinking he is a new customer to get a different deal, and now he wants the service moved to his actual property where he has service with us.)

Me: “So, sir, let me get this right. As you have explained to me now, on a recorded call, that you created a new account next door to get a better deal — which in itself is a breach in your terms and conditions — and now you want me to move it to where you currently have active services?”

Customer: “Yes, but it’s not a breach in anything; I was securing a deal.”

Me: “You set up an order for yourself at your neighbour’s, so our system would think you were a new customer and wouldn’t prompt us to think otherwise, and now you want to move that to where you have services with us.”

Customer: “Well, yes.”

Me: “Okay, but I’m sorry, sir, I can’t allow this following the correct procedure. I will have to cancel your new order and manage your current active services correctly.”

Customer: “But then I can’t have the deal I want; that’s why I’ve done this.”

Me: “I know, sir, I’m sorry.”

Customer: “Well, I want compensation.”

Me: “For what?”

Customer: “For my time and effort.”

Me: “You want me to give you compensation for your effort in fraudulently setting up an account in an attempt to play the system?”

Customer: “You wasted my time!”

Me: “I’m not giving you compensation.”

Customer: “I want to speak to your manager.”

Me: “I’ll save you the effort; they are not giving you compensation, either.”

Customer: “I’m reporting you; give me your name.”

Me: “Okay, and that’s your account cancelled. Again, my name is [My Name].”

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If You Act Like A Child…

, , , , | Right | December 19, 2019

(I work at a small fast food place. There’s this regular who comes in every Saturday and seems to think everyone knows him and what he wants, often saying, “I’ll have my usual.” My coworker is new and aims to get a teaching license one day.)

Coworker: “Hello, sir, what can I get you?”

Regular: “I’ll have my usual.”

Coworker: “Most of the people here today are new and are not familiar with your usual order, sir. Can you be more specific?”

Regular: “Where’s [Former Employee who got fired for giving away free food]?”

Coworker: “He was fired. Please tell me your order so we don’t hold the line for too long.”

Regular: “I come here often and order the exact same thing; you should have it by the register, little miss.”

Coworker: “Sir, if we did that for you, we’d have to do that for every regular. We have a lot of people coming in every day, many of whom have similar physical features to you and possibly order a similar meal. If you continue to act like a spoiled toddler, no one here will be getting their food anytime soon.”

(He finally told her what he wanted and paid. He tried complaining to the manager but he too has dealt with his crap before and stood by my coworker.)

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