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Goodbye, Wisdom; Hello, Wit

, , , , , , , , | Learning | July 15, 2022

I am the author of this story about my son who is famous for his one-liners.

A few years ago, we had to take him out of school to get his wisdom teeth pulled before we could start the process of braces. It was the Friday before a three-day weekend, so he didn’t go back to school until the following Tuesday. When he returned to school, his best friend asked why he was absent.

Son: “I was getting my wisdom teeth pulled, so now I can speak only stupid.”

We Know The Movie Is Ten Years Old But It’s Still Too Soon!

We Know The Movie Is Ten Years Old But It’s Still Too Soon!

, , , , , , | Related | November 24, 2021

My youngest son comes up with some very entertaining one-liners. While watching “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2” for the umpteenth time, we get to the part where it is revealed that one of the Weasley twins has died, but my husband and I can never remember which twin it is. My son offers up this gem.

Son: “It’s Fred, the one who still has his ear…” *slight pause* “…not that he’s going to need it anymore.”

I ended up laughing hysterically at a normally sad moment in this movie.

Clients Into Darkness

, , , | Right | November 15, 2021

Client: “We would like the white background to be a darker shade of white.”

The Power Of Celebrity Is Nothing Compared To The Power Of Caffeine

, , , , | Right | July 9, 2021

A famous singer comes into our coffee place and orders a drink. We’re in an area of California where you would see a lot of celebrities.

Me: “That will be [total].”

The singer seems to be shocked that I have charged her.

Singer: “Don’t you know who I am?”

Me: “Yes, you’re the person holding up my line by refusing to pay for your drink. Beyond that I don’t care.”

I didn’t last long after that.

How To Make An Entrance

, , , , , , | Right | March 23, 2021

A group of three people, one of whom is using a walker, enters the foyer area of the warehouse here I work. It is about -4°C/25°F plus windchill coming in through the doors. After about twenty minutes, the gentleman in the group approaches me.

Gentleman: “We are waiting for our friend who has the card, but can we come inside? My aunt is feeling really cold.”

Me: “Oh, definitely! Tell her to sit right here.” *Points to a spot* “It’s the warmest spot at the entrance.”

With many thanks, they enter and stay put about six feet behind me. In the almost forty-five minutes they wait for their friend, they overhear me, multiple times, asking people for their membership cards.

At about the half-hour mark, I ask one “lady” for her card. I won’t repeat her response because I like to keep things family-friendly. I do not react or comment, as I have been called worse. From behind me, I hear:

Gentleman: *Loudly* “Well, ain’t she special!”

The “lady” starts swearing at him.

Gentleman: *To me* “Do you get that a lot?”

Me: “Unfortunately, yes. But all I can do is ask if they have their card.”

Gentleman: “Well, that’s not right!”

Me: “Sir, you can say that. I can’t.”

We repeat the request and response with a few more members. The gentleman has various retorts.

Gentleman: “D***! Even I know the rules, and I ain’t even a member.”

Gentleman: “Too cool to pull plastic!”

Gentleman: “Yooo! Are you deaf?”

By the time their friend showed up, this group, especially the gentleman, called out at least ten people for ignoring quite publicly-known policy for the membership-only store!

They made my normally miserable Saturday entrance shift MUCH more enjoyable! They called out the members for behaviour that I cannot — at least, not if I want to keep my job.