Being That Stupid Is Quite A Feet

, , , , | Right | February 17, 2010

Customer: “How big do people usually make fleece blankets?”

Me: “For people under six foot they’re usually 2 1/2 yards, and for over six feet, three yards.”

(The customer is silent for a moment, giving me a confused stare.)

Customer: “I’m just no good with metric yards.”

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Immeasurable Confusion

, , , , , | Right | February 5, 2010

Me: “Hi, [Pizza Place].”

Customer: “Hi, it says you have a nine-inch small pizza. How big is that?”

Me: “Nine inches; six slices.”

Customer: “But how big is it?”

Me: “The diameter of the pizza is approximately nine inches. There are six slices.”

Customer: “Like, okay, but you already told me that. How big is it?”

Me: “I’m not sure what other metric to use. The pie is slightly smaller across than a third of a meter.”

Customer: *brief pause* “Okay, what size is the medium?”

Me: “Twelve inches; six slices.”

Customer: *another brief pause* “The small has six, too. So, they’re the same size?!”

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May Be Stupid But Having A Ball

, , , , , | Right | February 4, 2010

Customer: “The stop button on your roulette wheel isn’t working.”

Me: “Let me see.”

(I put a token into the machine. I allow the customer to play to show me what’s wrong.)

Customer: “See, now when I hit the stop button, it keeps going.”

Me: “The stop button only starts it slowing down to stop.”

Customer: “No, I mean the ball.”

Me: “Sir, the button does not control the ball.”

Customer: “What does?”

Me: “Physics?”

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A Calculated Whisk

, , , , , | Right | January 22, 2010

(A customer arrives to pick up the meal he ordered over the phone.)

Me: “So, you would like to add two chocolate shakes to your phone-in order?”

Customer: “Yes, please.”

(I crack out the calculator to add the two orders and sales tax.)

Customer: “Typical! Teenagers can’t solve any problems without a calculator.”

Me: “Okay, then, what’s your total?”

Customer: “I don’t know. Let me see the calculator.”

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When Stupidity Hits The Pint Of No Return

, , , , | Right | January 20, 2010

Customer #1: “I see you changed your sizes?”

Me: “Yeah, we had to change it from pint and quart because too many people were asking which was bigger. Now we’ve got large and small.”

Customer #1: “They can’t tell by the price?”

Me: “Maybe they aren’t stressing it in schools anymore.”

(A second customer walks in and looks at a menu for a second.)

Customer #1: “But that is sad, kids don’t know which is bigger.”

Customer #2: “What’s bigger?”

Me: “Pint or a quart.”

Customer #2: “That’s pathetic.”

(A few moments of silence pass.)

Customer #2: “So, which is bigger, the large or the small?”

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