I work for a beach patrol in New Jersey. Someone walks up to my guard stand looking a bit nervous.

Beachgoer: *Whispering* “The water has slowly been receding for the past few hours. I think there’s a tsunami about to hit. I’m whispering because I don’t want to scare other people around us, but you have to do something!”

Me: “We’re not at risk of a tsunami; that’s just the tide going out.”

Beachgoer: “What’s a tide?”

Me: “Oh, boy…”

They knew that water receding from a beach could mean a tsunami but they didn’t know what a tide was? I worry about our schools.

I work in the office that manages an apartment complex. A resident hasn’t made his payments for a while, so he has been making random payments throughout one month to try and catch up.

This resident storms into the office.

Resident: *Demanding tone* “Calculate how much I’ve paid so far for my rent payment!”

After I’ve calculated everything:

Me: “Sir, as of today, you have paid a total of eleven hundred dollars.”

He has a look of success on his face and starts laughing.

Resident: “I knew it! You’re trying to rip me off! Here are all of my receipts! Add it up again!”

I add up his receipts.

Me: “Once again, sir, you have paid a total of eleven hundred dollars.”

Resident: “Wow. You guys are really something else. I knew you were screwing me over. I have paid a total of one thousand one hundred dollars! Add it again!”

I thought for a moment that he was messing with me. He was not.

Related:
Turning The Stupid Up To Eleven, Part 2
Turning The Stupid Up To Eleven

I work in a gift shop. A woman buys a cute little magnet for forty-nine cents. She leaves and comes back almost immediately.

Customer: “This doesn’t work!”

I stick it to the display tin and it “works” just fine.

Me: “Where did you try to put it?”

Customer: “My dashboard.”

Me: “Your dashboard must not be metal.”

She can’t wrap her head around that possibility.

Customer: “I want a refund! This magnet is clearly defective!”

I processed her refund as I stuck the magnet back to the display.

Back when waterbeds are all the rage, I am selling one to a customer.

Me: “We recommend buying this heater to go with it.”

Customer: “Stop trying to upsell me things I don’t need!”

Me: “You don’t have to buy it from us, but I would recommend getting a heater to keep the bed nice and warm during winter.”

Customer: “I don’t need no heater! I’m going to fill it with warm water!”

Related:
Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here, Part 12
Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here, Part 11
Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here, Part 10
Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here, Part 9
Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here, Part 8

A lady buys tickets for a movie for her, her daughter, and her husband for later on in the evening. She comes back later.

Customer: “My husband can’t make it, so I want a refund for his ticket.”

Me: “Of course!”

I refund the ticket and hand her the receipt.

Customer: *Suddenly freaking out* “You just refunded $8.25 to my card!”

Me: “Yes, that was the cost of your husband’s ticket.”

Customer: “That’s too confusing for me! My total was $21.75! I need all $21.75 back and then I’ll buy the tickets again.”

I end up refunding the rest of her money, and hand her the refund receipt.

Customer: “Wait, now I have two refund receipts! This one says $8.25 and this one says $13.50!”

Me: “Yes, together they add up to your original total of $21.75.”

Customer: “That makes absolutely no sense! I need one receipt with the entire purchase on it!”

Me: “Since I had already refunded your husband’s ticket, it’s impossible to get one receipt for you.”

Customer: *Screaming* “You b****! You’re trying to rip me off! Get me your manager!”

Exasperated, I call my manager and he deals with her outside. When he finally gets her to calm down, she comes back to the box office to buy her tickets again.

Customer: “The two receipts added up to my total, obviously. You should’ve just said that.”

I smile sweetly at her.

Me: “How silly of me. I apologize for taking up your time.”

I almost tore my hair out that afternoon.

Related:
Refunder Blunder, Part 61
Refunder Blunder, Part 60
Refunder Blunder, Part 59
Refunder Blunder, Part 58
Refunder Blunder, Part 57