One Slice Of Trigonometry, Coming Up

, , , | Right | September 29, 2009

Customer: “How many slices are in your medium pizza?”

Me: “We cut it into eight slices, but if you’d like we can cut it into twelve or even sixteen.”

Customer: “Oh, no! Don’t do that. I can’t eat that much. Just cut it into eight.”

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We Want Your Braaaiiins

, , | Healthy Right | September 16, 2009

(A subject is speaking with me about a sleep-study we were doing.)

Subject: “So, I’ll just have to go to sleep for the study, right?”

Me:: “That’s correct. We’re just using those scanning machines to test brain function during REM sleep.”

Subject: *suddenly fearful* “You expect me to sleep with those machines cutting into my brain?!”

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Science, Stripped Down To A Soundbite

, | Right | August 6, 2009

Customer: “The counter is wet.”

Me: “Oh, it’s from condensation.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “When someone takes the milk out of the refrigerator, and it starts to become room temperature… it drips…”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “It’s water.”

Customer: “Oh!”

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There’s No Substitute For Brains, Either

, , , , | Right | August 5, 2009

Customer: “Do you have a pill I can take instead of drinking water?”

Me: “Um, what do you mean?”

Customer: “When I’m at work and I drink water, I have to pee so much! I know there’s got to be a pill I can take instead.”

Me: “There’s really no substitute for drinking water.”

Customer: “No! I know there has to be some kind of pill you can take instead of drinking.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there’s not.”

Customer: “There has to be something. Never mind, I’ll try to find it myself!” *wanders over to the vitamin aisles in search of water pills*

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The Outer Limits Of Entertainment

, , , | Right | July 21, 2009

Customer: “Two for ‘Ice Age’, please.”

Me: “No problem. Did you want the 3-D showing at 2:15, or the regular, 2-D showing at 2:50?”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Me: “…thirty-five minutes, and a dimension.”

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