Makes You Want To Meter Maker

, , , | Right | December 9, 2010

(I pick up the phone.)

Me: “Good afternoon, how may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, can you tell me what 130 mm is in centimeters?”

Me: “13 cm.”

Caller: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Uh, pretty sure.”

Caller: “Hmm, okay. Thank you.”

(I hang up. Thirty seconds later the phone rings again, this time one of my coworkers answers it.)

Coworker: “Good afternoon, how may I help you?”

*pause*

Coworker: “13 cm.”

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Knows Knot Of Mass

, , , , | Right | October 23, 2010

(I work for a discount store that sells bulk birdseed that the customer scoops themselves. A customer approaches the counter with a bag that’s quite full but not tied.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am, how are you today?” (I start tying the bag shut so I can lift it on the counter to weigh without spilling.)

Customer: “No! Don’t!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Don’t tie a knot in it or it’ll weigh more!”

Me: “Ma’am. I’m sorry but, how’s that possible?”

Customer: “It’s a knot! They’re heavier!”

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It Will Be All Right Angled On The Night

, , , , , | Right | September 14, 2010

(I had dealt with this customer three hours before this phone call to make a 16×20 frame. I’ve given them a copy of the bill so they can see all the information.)

Customer: “I think the girl who did my order made a mistake! I think she wrote the sizes in backward.”

Me: “Backward? Did she write 61×02?”

Customer: “No. Where it says ‘width’ she wrote 20, but the width is 16!

Me: “Did she write 16 as the height, ma’am?”

Customer: “Yes! But that means the frame will be longer than wide.”

Me: “The frame looks the same on all sides, ma’am. 20×16 and 16×20 are the same size. All they’ll have to do is turn it 90 degrees.”

Customer: “They’re smart enough to do that?”

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The Union Of Soviet Solar Systems

, , , , | Right | August 19, 2010

Customer: “Excuse me, does this planet mobile include Pluto?”

Me: “Well, there are only eight planets on the mobile. So, no, it does not.”

Customer: “I refuse to accept that Pluto is not a planet anymore. I don’t care what the socialists say!”

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When Matter Doesn’t Matter

, , , , , , | Right | August 11, 2010

Customer: “Excuse me, do you have Gatorade?”

Me: “No, but we do have Powerade.”

Customer: “Does it have electrons in it?”

Me: “No, do you mean electrolytes?”

Customer: “No, electrons.”

Me: “I hope so.”

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