Seriously, Folks, No More Cuts To Education

, , | Right | June 22, 2009

(A customer walks up to me for assistance while I’m in aisle 14 of the grocery store.)

Me: “Ma’am, what can I help you with today?”

Customer: “I need to find bread crumbs.”

Me: “Okay, well there are some on aisle 7 and also some in the bakery. Would you like me to show you?”

Customer: “No, I’ll go find it. Is aisle 7 above or below aisle 14? I’m not real good at math.”

Me: “Ma’am, I better show you where it is…”

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Double Your Solar, Double Your Fun

, , , , , | Right | June 19, 2009

(I had a job on a boat, taking tourists out to sea so they could take really nice pictures of the midnight sun. One day, one of the tourists came up to me.)

Me: “What do you think of the midnight sun?”

Tourist: “Yeah, it’s really nice, but tell me one thing. On the map of our solar system, where is the midnight sun located?”

Me: “Er… the sun?”

Tourist: “No! I know where the sun is, but where is the midnight sun?”

Me: “The midnight sun and the sun are exactly the same, but when you are as far north as you are now, and since it’s summer, the sun never sets.”

Tourist: “WHAT THE F***?! I’m gonna sue your sorry a** for false advertisement! I didn’t come all the way from the US to watch the sun I have back home! *storms away*

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As The Price Decreases, So Does Brain Cell Count

, , , | Right | June 4, 2009

Customer: “I have a coupon here that says 25% off. What does that mean?”

Me: “It means you get 25% off.”

Customer: “Huh?”

Me: “You will get 25% off your total price.”

Customer: “I don’t understand. Why does it say that?”

Me: “It’s a discount. They’ll give you a cheaper price.”

Customer: “Huh? This coupon doesn’t make sense.”

Me: “When you give your coupon to the attendant, they’ll take 25% off your ticket price.”

Customer: “I don’t have a coupon.”

Me: “…”

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Solar Spaciness

, , , , | Right | May 29, 2009

(A customer is looking at light-powered watches.)

Me: “It needs to be charged with eight hours of direct sunlight or lamplight before it will keep time.”

Customer: “Does it have to be Australian sunlight, or can I take it to England and use it there?”

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Lowest Common Denominator: Found

, , , | Working | March 20, 2009

(This exchange happened between two coworkers.)

Waitress: “I need a fourth of a chicken to go, please.”

Cook: “Okay, a quarter chicken it is!”

Waitress: “NO! I ASKED FOR A FOURTH!”

Cook: “A quarter and a fourth are the same thing.”

Waitress: “Oh… is there another word for a half?”

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