An older woman walks in with a laptop that, according to the receipt, she purchased only a few months ago.

Customer: “I need to return this. It doesn’t work.”

Me: “What’s wrong with it?”

Customer: “It doesn’t turn on anymore, no matter how many times I press the button.”

I push the power button a few times. Nothing happens.

Me: “Have you charged it?”

Customer: “My husband used to do all that.”

I pause for a moment. It’s not too uncommon, sadly, working with older folk in tech, that one of them relies on the other for all the techy stuff. When one of them sadly passes, it leaves behind a knowledge gap. In situations like this, I try to tread carefully and patiently.

I slowly explain how the laptop needs to be plugged into an outlet, like any other electronic device, and that while it can be used unplugged for a while, it will need to be charged occasionally or this situation will happen.

I spend about ten minutes going through this, plus a few other basic items, with her nodding and politely telling me she understands.

Then all of a sudden, her husband appears, wandering in from the TV section.

Customer’s Husband: “Has he told you that you got to plug it in yet?”

Customer: *Shouting at her husband.* “Yes, but unlike you, he didn’t do it like a total a**!”

Customer’s Husband: *To me.* “Sorry about all this. She didn’t believe me when I told her it had to be plugged in, and I said that when the battery died, I would be washing my hands of it. Thank you for doing today what I could not after fifty years of marriage.”

The couple left with their laptop, bickering lovingly all the way out.

Related:
Laptop Flop, Part 46
Laptop Flop, Part 45
Laptop Flop, Part 44
Laptop Flop, Part 43
Laptop Flop, Part 42

I’m working at a petrol station. We’re one of the few in the area that has EV charging stations (there are loads now, but at the time of the story, they were quite novel). A Tesla pulls up, and the driver, a tired-looking guy, gets out first and starts charging. 

His wife/partner gets out a few seconds later, looking even more tired, carrying a screaming toddler.

It’s late at night, and they have to wait quite a bit longer before the car is charged enough to finish their journey. At least I guess this is the case, as the wife shouts:

Wife: “You just had to save the f****** world, didn’t you, Gordon?!”

Even with the supercharger, it was a loooong half hour.

A couple is dining in my section. The husband furiously waves me down.

Customer: “This dessert has nutmeg in it! I can taste it!”

Me: “Yes, sir, it’s one of the ingredients.”

Customer: “But I’m sharing this dessert with my wife, and we already informed you that she has a nut allergy! Are you trying to kill her?!”

Me: “Sir, nutmeg is a spice. Nut is in the name, but it’s not a nut.”

Customer: “She’s allergic to all nuts! If it’s in the name, she’s allergic to it! I demand you take this dessert away and get your manager to comp our meal for almost killing her!”

I sigh and fetch the boss. He comes over to hear the complaint.

Boss: “Sir, did you know peanuts aren’t actually nuts? They’re legumes.”

Customer: “What does that have to—”

Boss: “Cashew nuts are drupes, I believe.”

Customer: “Okay, well maybe some—”

Boss: “—so are coconuts, now that I think about it.”

Customer: “Are you quite done—”

Boss: “—And walnuts! Wow, a lot of nuts are actually drupes.”

Customer: “That doesn’t change the fact that my wife is allergic to nuts!”

Boss: “And she wasn’t served any nuts. When a customer informs us of a nut allergy, we remove all tree nuts, and yes, items that are considered nuts in a culinary sense, like all those I just mentioned, but nutmeg is not one of them. I see you had no problem enjoying your pine nut salad earlier, which was fine because we know they’re just the seeds of a pinecone, also not a nut.”

Customer: “Well… we don’t like this dessert anyway. Bring us another.”

Boss: “I can do that. What would you like?”

Customer: “The Dubai chocolate ice cream.”

Boss: “That contains pistachio…”

Customer: “What! Are you trying to get my wife killed again!”

Boss: “…which is also a drupe! So, I have to ask…”

My boss turns to the wife, who has been silent and looking embarrassed this whole time.

Boss: “Ma’am, what nuts are you allergic to?”

Customer’s Wife: “Thank you for asking. As I told your helpful waitress before, I’m allergic to peanuts only, which, as you rightfully said, is a legume. I’m not actually allergic to nuts. I know the names can be confusing.”

Customer: “I thought you were allergic to all nuts?”

Customer’s Wife: “Honey, you’ve seen me eating chocolate Brazil nuts at the movie theater!”

Customer: “…oh.”

Customer’s Wife: *To my boss.* “Thank you, we’ll take the chocolate. I would have spoken up earlier, but my husband never seems to believe me when I tell him what I’m allergic to, so I thought it would be easier for someone else to explain it to him. Thank you for the lesson.”

The boss nodded and went to get their new dessert personally. Every time I passed that table I overheard snippets between them, such as:

Customer: “Wait… so macadamia nuts too?!”

And:

Customer: “Wait, are none of these f****** nuts actually nuts?!”

And finally:

Customer: “So you’re telling me grape nuts have no grapes, and no nuts?!”

A lot of nutty learnin’ happening that day…

A couple is looking at our movie selection during the quiet mid-week matinee screenings.

Husband: “What’s [Movie #1] about?”

Me: “It’s an action thriller.”

Husband: “Who’s in it?”

Me: “Idris Elba.”

Wife: “Who’s that?”

Husband: “The Black guy.”

Wife: “Samuel L. Jackson?”

Husband: “No, that’s the other Black guy.”

Wife: “Well… hurry up and pick one of them! I need to sit down!”

Ah, yes, Idris Elba and Samuel L. Jackson, the only Black actors in all of Hollywood.

Caller: “Could I get like… hmm… whatchu’callit… boneless pizza?”

Me: “Uh… pretty sure all our pizzas are boneless.”

There’s a scramble on the other side of the call, and someone else takes over.

Caller’s Wife: “Sorry about my husband. He’s asking if you do crustless pizza.”

Me: “Uh… we bake them with crusts, but we could cut them off for you if you like?”

Caller’s Wife: “It’s not for me; it’s for my husband. Normally, I cut the crusts off for him, but I’m about to head out for girls’ night, so he’s ordering a pizza for himself. And before your mind wanders in that direction, he’s perfectly capable; he’s just lazy. I’m going to pass the phone back to him now.”

The guy takes over and asks for his ‘boneless pizza.’