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Crying All The Way From The Bank

, , , , , , | Right | September 15, 2023

A couple walks up to my teller station in the bank. The wife looks like she’s ready for a fight.

Wife: “We want to turn my husband’s account into a joint account! I was told that was impossible!”

Me: “Yes, we can set that up as a joint account.”

Wife: “Oh! We were told that wasn’t possible! Do that, then!”

I notice the husband has stepped away, almost to the exit.

Me: “Well, I actually can’t do that from this teller station unless you’re both here and your husband authorizes it since he’s the original account holder, but you can also do it online or through our phone service.”

Wife: “What do you mean, you can’t do it?!”

Me: “Well, we can’t personally do that in the branch if it’s just you, ma’am, but there’s nothing stopping your husband…”

I trail off as I see the wife looking around and realizing her husband has wandered off. She runs to the exit and drags him back.

Wife: “He’s here! Add me to the account!”

The husband is sliding his hand across his neck, which as far as I am aware is universal gesture to stop saying what I am about to say.

Me: “I would just need your husband to…”

His hand-sliding gets more vigorous.

Me: “…to confirm some security details to turn it into a joint account, ma’am.”

The husband drops his shoulders and looks defeated as his wife turns to him.

Wife: “You told me that they said it was impossible!”

Husband: *Glaring at me* “They did! It must have been an idiot on the phone.”

I go through the process and set up the wife as a joint account holder. We finish up, and they walk out, but then the husband runs back to me, out of earshot of his wife.

Husband: “Thanks for nothing! Now I’m gonna have to unsubscribe from all my p*rn! Guys are supposed to have other guys’ backs!” *Storms off*

Let Us Teach You About Incognito Mode, George!

No Flower Will Survive That Much Toxicity

, , , , | Right | September 10, 2023

An angry-looking young man walks in and is met by my boss.

Customer: “What can I buy that says, ‘I was right, but I have to say sorry to you because you’re an annoying princess and you always need to get your own way.'”

Boss: “Lilies.”

Customer: “Oh, wow, really?”

Boss: “They’re funeral flowers, and it sounds like that relationship already died.”

Customer: “I’ll take your cheapest arrangement.”

The Realization Is Not Automatic

, , , , , , , , | Right | May 31, 2023

I see a man walk up to our store’s entrance and simply stare at the door. He approaches it, does nothing, and then steps back a few times. He spots me staring at him and calls through the door.

Customer: “Are you open?”

Me: “Yes, sir! Come right on in!”

Customer: “The door won’t open!”

Me: *Opening it for him* “You have to push it!”

He stares at me and then at the door, and then the penny drops.

Customer: “Oh, my God, I am such an idiot! I totally forgot that doors aren’t always automatic!”

We both chuckle a little bit as he walks inside. Literally seconds later, a woman walks up to the door and does the same song and dance that the gentleman did earlier.

Customer: “That is my wife. She just parked up and is following me.”

Me: “Is she going to need the same help you did?”

Customer: “Yes, but let’s wait a moment. She’s usually so much smarter than me, so I need to enjoy this for a moment longer.”

He Saw His Opportunity And He Took It!

, , , , , , , , | Right | May 28, 2023

I’m working the register, and an older couple is unloading their groceries after waiting in line for a while. I am still serving the customer ahead of them but there is room on the belt for their items.

The wife has been berating her husband pretty much non-stop since they got in line.

Customer #1: “No, no, Gerald! The cereal gets unloaded first because they’re bulky!”

Customer #1: “Gerald, are you a moron or are you trying to annoy me? That is not how I told you to stack the plums!”

Customer #1: “Good Lord, Gerald, why did you get this type of cheddar?! I told you to get the store brand, not this overpriced organic nonsense! Go back and get the right one right now!”

Poor Gerald runs off with the offensive cheddar while his wife continues to unload her items her way.

The customer behind her steps forward a little, and after a moment the woman starts complaining again, this time to the other customer.

Customer #1: “What took you so long?! I can’t believe you would embarrass me like that and have to run back to get the right cheese, but—”

Customer #2: “Ahem…”

She looks up and realizes the man she has been grumbling at is the other customer.

Customer #1: “Oh, you’re not my husband.”

Customer #2: “No, I am not.”

Customer #1: “Well, where is he?”

Customer #2: “Based on the last minute or so, I’d guess he’s very far away and getting further by the second.”

This story is part of our Editors’-Favorite-Stories-Of-2023-(so far!) roundup!

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Exes Can Drive You Crazy

, , , | Right | March 21, 2012

(Note: I am a female employee at an auto parts store. A woman walks in.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Woman: “I need a tail light bulb for my Chrysler. Oh, and could you come out and show my ex-husband how to take the old one out? I’d love for you to show him up!”

(I go outside and help him switch out his taillight. As I’m walking back into the store, I hear him say…)

Man: *to ex-wife* “You had to pick the only girl in the store to help us, didn’t you?!”