Taco’ Bout Crazy

, , , , , | Working | July 2, 2020

When I am a teen, I am walking down the street, enjoying the summer sun, and sipping from a Gatorade bottle that I brought from my house. Set up in a parking lot along the street is a taco truck. I haven’t come within fifty feet of the truck.

A vendor leans out of the side of the truck and points at me.

Vendor: “Hey! Hey, you need to pay for that!”

Me: “Huh?”

Vendor: “You need to pay for that bottle!”

I shook my head at this and kept walking, but the guy actually climbed out of the truck and started chasing me. I ended up booking it down the street and outpacing him, but it was still one of the scariest events of my life at that point, and I ended up avoiding that stretch of street for a couple of years afterward.

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Even This Conversation Is Out Of Tune

, , , , , | Right | June 12, 2020

Customer: “I would like to order a pack of Martin Strings in the gauge of 9-46.”

Me: “Great, do you have an item number or SKU number for those strings?”

Customer: “No, I don’t, I just thought you would have that already.”

Me: “Well, sir, we sell thousands of different musical items every single day and it’s hard to keep record of everything. I would be happy to look that up for you, though.”

Customer: “Okay, thanks!”

As I’m pulling up the item on our website, the customer is mumbling something under his breath.

Me: “Okay, sir, I believe I found the set you’re looking for?”

Customer: “Now make sure it comes in the right tuning of EBGDAE, okay?”

Me: “Well, sir, the strings come how they come and it is up to you to tune them correctly.”

Customer: “So, you mean to tell me that they don’t come tuned?”

Me: “Sir, you have to put the strings on the guitar before you can tune them.”

Customer: “Well, I believe that is bad customer service. If you expect me to order, then you must make sure they are in the correct tuning.”

Me: “Sir, the strings don’t come in a tuning; the term ‘tuning’ refers to the tension you set the string on the guitar that creates a certain pitch. There is no such thing as strings that come in a standard tuning.”

Customer: “Fine. Then I will order from a different company that will tune them for me, so I can play my guitar without sounding like a [disabled slur].”

Me: “Okay, sir, make sure the next company you order from gets the standard tuning for you on the strings!”

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Unfiltered Story #195869

, , , | Unfiltered | June 5, 2020

I was taking my sister to get laser surgery done on her eyes. She is two years older than I am. We have just sat down at the receptionist desk to give her medical card and to pay the co-pay. The receptionist is just making small talk to us waiting for the card to clear before we are seated in the waiting room. She asks me sister her name? My sister replies with her name and then she turns to me and asks me if I her daughter and that I’m so nice to help my mom today. My sister was shocked speechless but I couldn’t stop laughing. When we finally got into to see the doctor she was still mad and told him that he needed to give his receptionist a free treatment since she couldn’t see a thing. All through the appointment I would just turn to her and start laughing without saying a word. I think she told me to shut up 25 times before we went home. Best doctors appointment ever.

More Than 60% Of Customers Can’t Read

, , , , , | Right | May 21, 2020

Customer: “What are those sandals ringing up as?”

Me: “$9.99, miss.”

Customer: “Is that 60% off?”

Me: “Um… I can check.”

I check the original price really quickly, thinking how odd this request is.

Me: “No, it’s only about 40% off.”

Customer: “But your advertisement said all sandals are 60% off.”

Me: “May I see this ad?”

She shows me one of our email advertisements that says, “Up to 60% off!”

Me: “Ma’am, it says up to 60% off; it does not guarantee that you’ll get 60% off.”

Customer: “So, your ads are full of s***?”

Me: “No, they aren’t, ma’am, it just means that not all of our sandals are 60% off.”

She starts screaming at me.

Customer: “No, your ads are bulls*** and your cards do nothing useful and I want my 60% discount.”

I’m doing my best not to rip off her head and keep a calm tone.

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t further discount an item. If you want another discount, you may go talk to customer service.”

She stormed over there and the store manager eventually came up and made me give her 60% off. I’ve never been more disappointed in my manager in my life.

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Unfiltered Story #194005

, , , | Unfiltered | May 14, 2020

(I used to work for a call center and the project I was assigned to was a company that manufactured computer/internet hardware and software. About 95% of the products were made for the corporate level and those were the only customers we were trained to create troubleshooting cases for. But every now and then we’d get some home users who were misdirected to our line.)

Me: Thank you for calling *****, my name is *******. Is this call in regards to a new or an existing case?
Customer: um…I’m having trouble with my internet.
Me: Okay, just to verify: are you a home user or a small business?
(Within just a few months of working at this job, I was able to tell the difference between corporate users and home users by the tone of voice, and this old woman was CLEARLY a home user.)
Customer: Home.
Me: Alright. Could I get the model number of your router?
(After some rustling noises on the phone, she comes back)
Customer: Is that the serial number on the back? I see a serial number and a MAC address…
Me: No, ma’am. The model number is the number located on the front of the router, usually next to the logo.
(She gives me the model number, and the instructions on our internal website tell me that I have to re-direct her to her ISP for this model.)
Me: Alright, thank you for your patience ma’am. It looks like for this particular model, you will need to reach out to your ISP–
Customer: My what??
Me: Your internet service provider.
Customer: I already talked to them, and they told me to call you.
Me: Yes ma’am, I understand, but as it turns out we only manufactured the hardware. The software configuration is handled by your ISP. Since they’re the ones that provide your internet service, they will need to troubleshoot the problem.
Customer: But it’s not the internet I’m having problems with.
(She clearly told me at the beginning that it WAS the internet she was having problems with.)
Me: I’m sorry ma’am, it was my understanding that you were having problems with your internet connection.
Customer: Weren’t you listening?! I said that I couldn’t connect my tablet to the internet. It won’t take my password.
Me: Oh, I see. Well, in that case if you’re having trouble with the tablet, then I can look up the manufacturer and give you their customer service number.
Customer: You mean you can’t do it yourself?
Me: I’m afraid not ma’am, our company didn’t make that tablet, so none of our engineers are trai–
Customer: But it says [my project’s company logo] on the router! My service provider said you could help!
Me (trying very hard not to sound frustrated): I apologize for the miscommunication; if there is an issue with your internet connection, your ISP would handle that, but since the issue is with your tablet and not your internet connection, you will need to reach out to [the manufacturer]’s customer service line so they can further assist you, and I can provide the num–
Customer: Well, thanks for wasting my time!
(She hung up before I could give her the manufacturer’s customer service number.)