A bickering couple comes up to me as I am working behind the counter.

Male Customer: “Excuse me, but are you a Mormon?”

Me: “Uh… yes?”

Male Customer: “Excellent! We finally found one! Can you please tell my wife you’re allowed to have as many wives as you want?”

Me: “That’s… not true. We only take one wife.”

Female Customer: “Hah! See?! I told you!”

Male Customer: “Huh… I always thought Mormons were allowed multiple wives.”

Me: “It’s a common misconception, sir.”

Male Customer: “Well then, what’s the point of all that missionary stuff you’ve all gotta do if not to find yourselves some decent wives?”

Me: “It’s purely to preach, sir.”

Male Customer: “What a waste of time!”

Female Customer: “Don’t mind him. He’s just bored every Sunday at church and is feeling around for other options…”

Related:
Not A Fan Of Poly-gab-at-me

Due to my job and frequent visits to the gym, I wear silicone rings so my engagement and wedding rings don’t get banged up. I’ll wear my nicer rings for special occasions but tend to forget to put the silicone rings back on when I take the nicer rings off.

My husband and I are at his parents’ house for dinner. 

Mother-In-Law: “Where’s your wedding ring?”

Me: “Oh, I must have forgotten to put the silicone ones back on.”

Mother-In-Law: “Why wouldn’t you wear your actual rings?”

Me: “I don’t wear my nicer rings to work or the gym, or when showering and sleeping. The guy at the ring store suggested that.”

[Mother-In-Law] responds in a tone that suggests I don’t take my marriage seriously.

Mother-In-Law: “I’ve never taken mine off. [Husband], are you okay with this?” 

Husband: “Mom, no one cares. The ring I’m currently wearing isn’t my actual wedding band. It’s a beater band, and I wear silicone rings to the gym because I don’t want anything to happen to the nicer ring [My Name] got me. I don’t care if she doesn’t wear a ring. Our marriage isn’t solely tied to them. So butt out.”

During my very first month in retail, a gentleman came in with a lady from an Asian Pacific country. After talking for a while about their needs, the conversation shifted.

Gentleman: “[Lady] is about to be deported unless she can have someone sponsor or marry her to keep her in the States. Can you help?”

I politely declined. I was eighteen.

My wife and I are shopping for a few things in a hardware store chain, and I show my wife a display “shop magnet”. Basically, it’s a strong magnet on a broom pole for picking up metal filings, small screws, and things like that. I leave her playing with it while I go to grab what we need.

When I come back to the aisle, I find my wife with one of the shop magnets and a box of 100 small nails.

Wife: “Look! This is going to make an awesome birthday present for [Four-Year-Old Nephew]!”

Me: “You know, I think I get why your brothers and sisters won’t let you babysit your nieces and nephews.”

And no, we did not get the boy a magnet and a box of 100 small nails for his fourth birthday.

A couple of women approach me at the customer service desk.

Customer #1: “We’d like to look at the gifts from a wedding registry? Name is [Bride and Groom].”

Me: “Of course, let me bring that up for you.”

Customer #1: “What’s the return policy?”

Me: “It’s thirty days with a receipt.”

Customer #2: “Oh, good. We don’t think it will last that long.”

Crazily, twenty-nine days later, they were back asking for a refund!