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Some Say They’re Still Searching For That Super-Skilled Sucker

, , , , , , , , | Working | September 2, 2022

I am a web project manager in a good position, with really good working conditions, a very good team, and a very good salary. I am not looking for another job, but I also said to myself that I will always try not to miss good opportunities. I’ve had several job interviews, but none of them grabbed my attention. I’ve turned down a couple that were promising around ten percent bigger salary.

I am approached by one company; I was referred by some previous colleagues as a highly professional project manager. The company is a new one and I’ve never heard about them before, but I decide to follow my rule: never miss good opportunities.

We set up an interview and they tell me about the position and responsibilities. They always emphasize that they are only looking for an extremely skilled and professional person, as projects will be huge, and the person will need to manage big groups of people. They continue talking about work, and everything seems okay but too good to be true. I sense there is something wrong here.

Me: “Okay, it seems you are looking for a very skilled person. I know I fit this position, as you can see from my experience and references. Now, let’s talk about work conditions, salary, benefits — what you are offering.”

Interviewer: “Oh, about that. It’s a five- to six-hour job per day, and currently, this position is unpaid. We also cannot grant a personal car and laptop. Also—”

Me: “I am sorry, did I hear that right? This is an unpaid position?”

Interviewer: “Yes.”

Me: “You really expect to find someone so skilled, to work for free, like a charity? I really do not get why you do not look for students or interns.”

Interviewer: “What? They have no experience! We do not want such people!”

Me: “Of course they don’t. But what makes you think someone skilled will go for it? What makes you think I will quit my [salary] a year paying job just to work for free for you?”

Interviewer: “Well, if you really earn [salary] a year, you must have some savings.”

I started laughing. Then, I suggested we finish the interview and ironically wished them good luck in their search.

Getting Shifty With The Shifts

, , , , , , , , , | Working | August 31, 2022

This story is about an ex of mine and her one-day career working for a catalogue shop in the UK, but it starts with her brother. He had taken on a job at the local branch of [Chain] and quickly proved to be an unreliable and flakey worker who was routinely late and, even according to himself, not the most diligent when he was there. To no great surprise, he got canned after a few months.

To my somewhat surprise, my ex applied for a job at the same shop and was successful! However, she was working a one-month notice period, and a few days before she was due for her first shift, she got offered a job she liked better and decided to take it. To my greater surprise, she decided to work that shift. 

Me: “Why do you think that’s a good idea?”

Ex: “Well, I don’t want to let them down with short notice.”

Me: “The first day will usually be Human Resources stuff and training anyway. I don’t think coming in for exactly one day when you’ve already told them you aren’t taking the job is going to be that helpful for anyone. To be honest, I’m shocked they’re giving you the option.”

Ex: “Well, as I said, they must be desperate!”

Me: “Just remember, then, that you’re only there for one day. If anybody gives you any nonsense, then just walk out.”

She did indeed go in for her one shift. I asked her about how it went afterward.

Ex: “Meh, it was mostly fine until the end of it, although I didn’t really get to do anything.”

Me: “What happened at the end?”

Ex: “The shift the manager called me into his office and said, ‘So, you’re leaving us after one day? I knew I should never have given you a chance; you’re even more of a time-waster than your brother.’ I did what you said, though, and just walked out. Can you believe he said that to me?”

I think she was honestly the only person that didn’t see the snark coming.

This Cool Restaurant Just Got Way Less Cool

, , , , , | Working | August 18, 2022

During some time of unemployment, I apply for a job at a new restaurant they plan to build in a nearby city. I haven’t worked in a restaurant for several years, but I know I can do it if I want to, and I need a job.

After some time, I receive an invitation by email for a general meeting of applicants. At the meeting, a presentation is given about the plans for the new restaurant. It sounds quite cool. There is also a round where you introduce yourself to the group, which seems promising. After that, they take individual interviews. During the interview, I get the usual questions about what days and hours I can work. I go into it with an open mind and am prepared to work a lot for them.

Later, I receive a rejection by email anyway. I’m not terribly disappointed — just a little bit. Hoping to learn from the experience, I ask them if they could explain their motives for rejecting me.

Their answer?

Hiring Manager: “As we said in our previous email, it’s based on your experience and traveling distance.”

Right. But you knew all of that already from my resume, so what was the point of inviting me for the job interview, anyway?

This Is Some Kind Of Prank, Right? …Right?

, , , , , , , , | Working | August 16, 2022

My girlfriend is excited about a job interview she has at our favourite sub shop. I decide to go with her on the promise that if she takes me, I’ll buy her a sub. 

She gets in and we go separate ways. She’s in business attire, and I am in casual — not a good look, so I sit on the other side of the store.

Interviewer: “I’m glad you applied; you really look like a great fit for the store! Now, we offer eighteen-hour shifts seven days a week, and we can provide an area in the staff room to sleep in if you want to do overtime and don’t have long until your next shift.”

Cue me waving my arms around and shaking my head.

Girlfriend: “That… that doesn’t sound legal?”

Interviewer: “Oh, it isn’t! Aren’t you willing to break the law? Even to work for us? We’re the best!”

Girlfriend: “No, I don’t think I’d be willing to break the law for a job.”

Interviewer: “Then this interview is over and we have no further business to discuss.” 

We left.

Job Seeking Is Just The Worst

, , , , | Working | August 1, 2022

Lately, it’s been hard for me to get a job. I apply and go on interviews, and they always say they’ll call me back and they never do, or they hire me and then hire someone else to replace me before I even start. I apply as a cook in a retirement home, and I get a call.

Lady: “So, I see you’ve worked in [Restaurant]? When did you quit?”

Me: “A few months ago.”

Lady: “Why?”

Me: “I moved here.”

Lady: “And in those few months, what did you do?”

Me: “I was looking for a job.”

Lady: “You were looking for a job?! People are hiring everywhere and you couldn’t get one?”

I explain about going on interviews and never getting called back, etc.

Lady: *Scoffs rudely* “Surrre! I don’t think you should work with us!” *Hangs up*

I wouldn’t want to work with you, either, lady. I reported her to the job platform I used and moved on.

Thankfully, I got hired soon after by someone nice! I pity the fool who gets that rude lady.