Dodged An Interview, And A Bullet

, , , , , | Working | October 19, 2018

(I am looking for a job and decide to try applying at a locally-owned store. Several days after dropping my resume off, I go to check and see if it has been processed yet. I am immediately directed to the office of the owner, who turns out to be in a meeting. I am told to sit and wait, but after 45 minutes I leave, telling the secretary that I will return the next day as I have other things on my schedule I can’t put off. Upon returning, I am again instructed to go to the owner’s office. He proceeds to go into an apoplectic rant about how I “couldn’t wait five minutes despite feeling entitled to barge right in,” along with some talking about how he would have given me an interview “had I had any patience at all.” Since it is obvious I’m not getting the job, anyway, and since by now I am actually feeling relief that I won’t have to work for such an individual, I decide to go ahead and say things one doesn’t normally say in a job interview.)

Me: “I came here yesterday to see if my resume had been processed. The only reason I entered your office yesterday was because that was where I was told to go by your secretary. I was not informed you were occupied at the time, nor did I leave ‘without saying a word.’ But frankly, I’m glad things turned out the way they did, because with the attitude you’ve displayed, working here would obviously be a mistake.”

(I left him sputtering in indignation as I walked out the door.)

Just One More Thing…

, , , , , | Right | October 19, 2018

(I work in a sandwich shop with an open kitchen. The customers can see every step of their food being made, from being cooked on the grill to being passed through the oven to being wrapped up and handed to them. Most customers choose to trust that we’re capable of doing our jobs, but others like to hang over the counter and pick at every detail.  One night I am working on the grill and a woman comes in to order her sandwich. After having it explained that the sandwich she wants only comes with steak and provolone cheese on it, but she can add any other toppings she’d like, she says that just the steak and cheese will be fine. Immediately after I throw it on the grill, I hear her behind me.)

Customer: “Hey! Can you add some onions to that?”

Me: “Sure.” *adds the onions*

Customer: “How about some peppers and mushrooms, too?”

Me: “Yeah, that’s fine.”

Customer: “Put some mayo on the bread. No, more mayo than that! And put a few more onions in there, I like onions!”

(She continues this until I take her sandwich off the grill — including all of her added toppings — and start to put it through the oven to finish cooking. As I’m placing the cheese on her sandwich…)

Customer: “What kind of cheese is that?”

Me: “Provolone.”

Customer: “What other kinds do you have?”

Me: “We have Swiss or American if you don’t –”

Customer: “Put some cheddar on there.”

Me: “We don’t have cheddar.”

Customer: “Oh. Well then how about pepper jack?”

Me: “Sorry, we only have provolone, Swiss, or American.”

Customer: “Fine, then I guess the provolone will do.”

(I send her sandwich into the oven, and as it’s halfway through, she flags me down again as I start working on the other sandwiches on the grill.)

Customer: “Hey, I changed my mind; I want the American instead.”

Me: “Sorry, your sandwich is already in the oven. I can remake the whole thing if you want.”

Customer: “No, that’s okay. Just take the provolone off after it comes out and put some American on it.”

Me: “We can’t do that. The cheese melts onto the sandwich when it goes through the oven. I’ll have to remake the whole thing.”

Customer: *rolls eyes* “Fine, I guess I’ll just deal with the provolone, then. I wish you’d told me it would be melted.”

(Finally, her sandwich comes out of the oven and is wrapped up by the person on the other end — after a few more last-minute additions to her “meat and cheese only” sandwich, including another request to remove the provolone and add the non-existent cheddar — and we hand her food to her. Before she heads to the door, she asks the manager one more thing:)

Customer: “Are you guys hiring?”

Perverted Young Men Become Perverted Old Men

, , , , , | Working | October 12, 2018

Customer: “Hey, will you guys be hiring for Christmas?”

Me: “We will! There’s a seasonal hiring fair scheduled in a few weeks. If you want to get on the email list, I can put you down.”

Customer: “Oh, yeah. I’m retired, looking for a little extra money. I want to work security. I used to, you know, in college.”

Me: “I don’t think we will have any seasonal loss prevention jobs available, but you can check out the jobs we will be listing.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s a shame. I used to love working security. Used to love watching the girls change in the fitting rooms through the mirrors. I can only imagine what those guys see now with cameras, ha!”

(As soon as he walked away, I crossed his email address off of the list.)

Coding Isn’t A Game

, , , , , | Working | October 10, 2018

(I work as a producer for a video game publishing company. It’s very common for us to get applications from people trying to break into the industry, as I imagine it is for other publishers. We’re currently hiring for two programmer positions, both of which pay six figures a year because they have very steep skill requirements. We get an application from a young woman currently working part time as a cashier who has an impassioned cover letter talking about how she sees this job posting as her “big chance,” how she desperately wants to break into video games, etc. She has zero related skills — nothing about coding or anything whatsoever, just a bunch of part time jobs in every day work. Ordinarily I would send her a stock response about how we’re going with another candidate, but I feel for her because I literally once was that young woman trying to break into the industry over a decade ago, so I decide to call her and explain a bit more in detail so she doesn’t get discouraged. After I’ve explained why she isn’t a fit and provided some practical advice as to how she can get more experience at an entry level, she responds:)

Applicant: “Well, I do think I’m a fit.”

Me: “Unfortunately, you’ve told me yourself that you have no programming or any type of related experience. We were very clear about the requirements we need for this job because of the duties associated with it.”

Applicant: *in an irritable, haughty tone* “Well, I’m a fast learner.”

(One of the requirements we have is minimum five years experience.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but we can’t hand off this sort of sensitive work on that type of assurance.”

Applicant: *heavy sigh* “Well, I’m willing to entertain offers on the other position.”

(The other job listing had almost the exact same requirements. I turned her down, again, and she complained about my “unhelpfulness” and said she “would have thought I would have seen the value in being willing to work with someone as a teaching experience.” Talk about entitled! Sorry I wasn’t willing to handle off a ton of sensitive work to you that you ADMITTED you were unqualified to handle due to lacking the proper credentials and experience.)

Trust Me, Best Manager Ever, Like You’ll Never Believe…

, , , , , | Working | September 22, 2018

(I am conducting interviews for a management position in our company. We’ve had our fair share of bizarre interviewees, but this one by far stands out the most.)

Me: “So, what makes you the best choice for this position?”

Interviewee: “I’m an expert at screaming at employees! I have a voice so loud it’ll make them cower in fear every time they hear me! Oh, and I’m excellent at firing people, too. At my last job, I fired twenty people in my first week! Isn’t that exciting? I’m telling you, I will be the best manager ever!”

(It was very hard for me to keep a straight face for the rest of the interview after hearing that. We knew we weren’t going to hire her after her statement, but we followed up with her previous employer after the interview as part of the mandatory process. As it turns out, she had been fired from her previous manager position after just one week for — you guessed it — mistreatment of employees and repeated violations of company termination policy.)

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