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Code Red Alert!

, , , , , , | Right | July 19, 2022

Our lab is used by companies who want to drug test their employees or potential applicants, usually via a urine test. I sign in an applicant and direct them to their room, and they then return with the sample bag. The bag is clear and contains the collection tube inside.

Me: “Sir, I don’t think we can accept this sample.”

Applicant: *Immediately defensive* “Why not?!”

Me: “Because if you’re going to try to fool our tests, I personally wouldn’t try to replace the urine with Mountain Dew.”

Applicant: “How do you know that’s Mountain Dew?!”

Me: “One, I can see the soda bottle in your pocket, the color of which matches the sample you’ve just returned. And two, unless you urgently need to see a doctor, I would have gone with regular Mountain Dew, not their Code Red flavor.”

Who’s Wasting Whose Time?

, , , , , , | Working | July 14, 2022

I’ve been hunting for a job in my field, having posted my resume on job search websites.

I get a call from someone who has a job for me in a city over an hour’s drive away. I’m very confused, and something seems off, so I ask the lady to confirm who I am talking to.

Lady: “I’m calling from [Placement Agency].”

Me: “I think there’s been some sort of mistake. I’m not signed up with any placement agency, much less [Placement Agency].”

Lady: “Oh, no mistake. We found your resume on [Job Site]. So, we’d like to set up an interview with [Non-Medical Company]’s corporate site, and we’ll only take a cut of your paycheck for—”

Me: “Whoa, hold on a second. First of all, I don’t have a contract with you to help me find a job. Second of all, I have no idea who your company even is, so I have no idea why I would take your advice or let you have any of my money. Thirdly, as my resume clearly states, I’m applying for Medical Administrative jobs.”

“Medical Administrative” is just big words for the person at the front desk who checks you in or creates your healthcare files when you sign up with the doctor’s office for care, among other tasks.

The lady is silent for a beat and then turns up the snobbery.

Lady: “Oh. We don’t handle jobs in the medical field. We place clients in corporate positions.”

Me: “Then why did you even call me? You didn’t even read my resume, clearly.”

She is silent for another beat and then says in a snotty tone:

Lady: “I see you’re wasting our time. I’ll be ending this call and removing your resume from our potential candidates.”


I just sat there in silent frustration and disgust.

Junior-Level Deception

, , , , , | Working | July 13, 2022

A few years ago I interviewed for a job (in the US) that was labeled as a senior-level position, which is my level of experience in this field.

I went through two phone interviews and a stellar in-person interview. Shortly after the in-person interview, they called me and said they absolutely loved me and that I would be a great fit at the company. However, they thought I was “a little too green” (implying I was inexperienced) for the senior-level position, but lucky for me, they had an opening for the junior-level position (at a salary decrease).

I kindly told them that the reason I’d applied to their job posting in the first place was that it was a senior-level position and that I wasn’t going to take a step backward in my career by taking a junior-level position since I had both the appropriate experience and the work history. I also let them know that trying to trick someone with senior-level experience into taking a junior-level position by stringing them along through interviews and a job offer was deceptive and unethical.

There was silence over the phone for a moment and then the interviewer said in an offended tone:

Interviewer: “Well, we’ve all had to make sacrifices for [Company]!”

Me: “You may have had to, but I don’t make sacrifices for anyone.”

Stunned silence.

Then, the interviewer, who was so appalled that they didn’t know what to say, replied:

Interviewer: “Well… maybe you can think about it and I’ll call you tomorrow to check in.”

Me: “No, thank you, and please don’t call me.”

I hung up the phone.

They do this a lot to young females like me in a variety of industries. Don’t take crap from anybody. Know your qualifications, believe in them, and tell abusers to [bug] right off. Your talents will be appreciated and paid for elsewhere, I promise you.

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Lesbi Honest. This Is Weird.

, , , , | Working | July 12, 2022

We have interviews lined up for a new position in the office. I am tending to paperwork while an applicant is making small talk.

Applicant: “And you’re a lesbian?”

Me: “What?”

Applicant: “A lesbian? You’re a lesbian.”

Me: “No?”

Applicant: *Looking extremely disappointed* “Oh, I thought you were a lesbian.”

He turned away and sat down. He was taken in shortly after for his interview, but he left rather quickly in comparison to the other applicants. The manager came out and asked what was up with him.

He had apparently interrupted the manager, mid-question, asking if there were any lesbians working here. When she said she didn’t know, he looked distraught and said he didn’t want to bother anymore.

We’ve blacklisted him just in case his curiosity about women’s sexuality in the office was anything other than innocent.

“Yes, Ma’am” Me ONE MORE TIME

, , , , , , | Healthy Working | July 4, 2022

I volunteer at a local hospital in the Volunteer Administrative Office. I do a lot of filing and clerical work with prospective volunteers, creating files, organizing paperwork, and making sure everything is in order so the Administrative Manager can get them on board.

Part of becoming a volunteer is to complete two Tuberculosis Skin Tests (TSTs) or have proof of having them within the last year from your doctor.

We have a prospective volunteer who has completed almost everything except the TST test. I call him up to see if he’s still interested. The man answers.

Me: “Hello, my name is [My Name], and I’m calling on behalf of the [Hospital] Volunteer Services.”

Man: “Yes, ma’am.”

Me: “Are you still interested in volunteering?”

Man: “Yes, ma’am. I had my interview and orientation nearly a month ago, but I haven’t heard from the hospital since.”

Me: “Okay, well, it looks like the only thing missing is your TST test.”

Man: “My what?”

Me: “I’m sorry, your Tuberculosis Skin Test.”

Man: “What’s that?”

Me: “A test you have to have in order to volunteer.”

Man: “Where do I go to get one?”

Me: “You need to complete two. We gave you a sheet of paper in your interview packet—”

Man: “Yes, ma’am.”

Me: “—that has the hours that Employee Health—”

Man: “Yes, ma’am.”

Me: “—that has the hours that Employee Health is open to give you free skin tests.”

Man: “Yes, ma’am.”

Me: “You need to go there and get both of your tests—”

Man: “Yes, ma’am.”

Me: “—before you can volunteer.”

I’m beginning to see the pattern here. He talks over the top of me, says the same thing, and doesn’t appear to really be listening or understanding what I’m trying to tell him.

Man: “So, I cannot volunteer without these tests?”

Me: “No, sir, we cannot move forward—”

Man: “Yes, ma’am.”

Me: “—until you are cleared.”

Man: “Oh, uh, I’ve already had those tests.”

I highly doubt that!

Me: “Oh, good. Then all you have to do is go to your doctor and—”

Man: “Yes, ma’am.”

Me: “—ask them to print out a sheet. It takes only a few seconds and doesn’t cost anything.”

Man: “He’s in Pakistan. I can’t get those papers.”

Me: “Then you’ll have to retake the tests.”

Man: “I have to retake the tests?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Man: “Why didn’t the lady call me to tell me this?”

Me: “She told you this in the interview and the orientation—”

Man: “Yes, ma’am.”

Me: “—sir. After that, it’s up to you to—”

Man: “Yes, ma’am.”

Me: “—get the shots done and get us the paperwork.”

Man: “Yes, ma’am.”

My eye is twitching by now, and I’m normally very patient, but his interruptions are getting on my last nerve.

Me: “So, get those tests to us, and we’ll get you started volunteering.”

Man: “Yes, ma’am. So, I cannot volunteer unless I get these shots?”

Me: “They’re not shots, sir—”

Man: “Yes, ma’am.”

Me: “They are skin tests.”

Man: “Yes, ma’am.”

Me: “And no. You can’t volunteer until you complete them.”

Man: “Yes, ma’am.”

Me: “Have a good day, sir.”

I hung up during his final “Yes, ma’am” and facepalmed into both hands with a sigh nearly deep enough to throw out my back.

He never completed his tests and thus never volunteered.