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A Very Localised Delusion

, , , , | Right | August 18, 2021

I worked at a locally owned grocery store for several years. While I was stocking in the front of the store, a customer I didn’t recognize walked in. The following conversation happened as I continued stocking. 

Me: “How are you today?”

Customer: “I’m okay. I do have a question, though.”

Me: “Okay, what can I help you with?”

Customer: “My son put in an application, and I think you should hire him, but [General Manager] won’t because he’s not from Chicago.”

She used the manager’s actual name. The general manager didn’t hire new employees; he hired the managers that hired them. Also, we are in a town at the opposite end of the state.

Me: “Well, we do keep applications on file. And I think we’re only hiring for the bakery right now. Do you know what department he applied for?”

Customer: “It doesn’t really matter because I know [General Manager] won’t hire him anyway. [General Manager] only hires people from Chicago because that’s where they are from.”

Me: “Well, [General Manager] doesn’t really do most of the hiring; it’s the other managers here that hire for their departments. Also, I don’t think that where someone is from is a priority when we hire people here.”

Customer: “Yeah, I bet you’re from Chicago, too. [General Manager] never hires local people!”

Me: “No, I’m from the area.”

Customer: “I bet you just say that because you came here to go to the university.”

Me: “Not that it’s really your business, but I was born in [Neighboring Town]’s hospital and raised in [Local Nickname For Rural Area ten miles south of the store].”

Customer: “Well, I know [General Manager] never hires local people! And I’ve never heard of [Local Nickname For Rural Area].”

Me: “It’s between here and the town just south of here.”

Customer: “I think that [General Manager] should hire my son!” *Walks away*

A Man Out Of Time

, , , , , | Working | August 5, 2021

We are hiring for a new admin assistant. There’s a good showing and we manage to get them booked in all on the same day. The first interviewee doesn’t show but calls in fifteen minutes later to see if there is any point in turning up. We tell him that if he is interested, we might be able to fit him in after the next interview. He says fine.

The next interview is going well, and the first guy shows up about ten minutes before we planned to end, so we tell him it will be about ten minutes. The interview goes on a little longer than expected, but nothing too long. 

We call to reception.

Me: “Could you please let [Interviewee] out and bring in the first guy?”

Receptionist: “He left.”

Me: “What?”

Receptionist: “I told him it would be about ten minutes, and after ten minutes was up, he tried to let himself in.”

Me: “Really? What then?”

Reception: “He became very restless and kept asking every minute or so when he would be let in. He stormed off in the end saying something about being busy and not keeping waiting.”

Me: “Please add him to the ‘do not hire’ list.”

We keep the name of every candidate we have previously interviewed, especially when it is such a bad experience. Apparently, he didn’t realise this, as he applied twice more for other roles. He never got an interview.

Counting Your Interviewees Before They Hatch

, , , , | Working | July 30, 2021

I accept an invite to a job interview. I have several lined up over a few weeks and don’t get a chance to do the normal background checks I normally do, so I go in a little blind. Halfway through the interview, I realise that the job doesn’t match the description at all. I stick out the rest of the interview to decide if it is something that I could make work.

After a night’s sleep, I realise that, no, it isn’t something I am interested in, and I will let the recruiter know when I speak to them next.

It isn’t long until I get a call from the recruiter.

Recruiter: “Hey, how did it go?”

Me: “Well, the manager seemed nice and the company looks solid. But the job isn’t for me.”

Recruiter: “What? Why? We spoke the other day and the job role was perfect for you.”

Me: “It is, but that’s not what they are looking for. In fact, it was like I was interviewing for a completely different job.”

Recruiter: “No, that can’t be right. I spoke to [Manager] and clarified everything.”

I’m thinking, “Okay, I’m not lying; I was the one in the interview.”

Me: “What can I tell you?! He was talking about legal and claims. I’ve never worked on anything to do with that stuff.”

Recruiter: “Well, there might be some of that, sure, but you could pick that up quickly.”

Me: “I’m not interested.”

Recruiter: “But I’ve already told them you would take the offer!”

Me: “Why did you do that?”

Recruiter: “They loved you and offered you the advertised rate.”

Me: “As I said, the job didn’t match the description at all. So, no, I won’t be interested.”

Recruiter: “Fine!” *Hangs up*

Not only did the recruiter waste my time, but I would bet money that he blamed me for turning down the job!

Good Luck With That, Buddy

, , , , | Working | July 26, 2021

My dad is the head of the chemistry department at a small, rural university. He is looking through resumes for an open faculty position. One candidate wrote this as the reason for leaving their previous position.

Candidate: “I wanted to work in a fast-paced, urban environment.”

The Shower Couldn’t Wait?!

, , , | Working | July 8, 2021

I’m the hiring manager for a new role in my company. As part of the hiring process, I give promising applicants a call to get more information. I reach out to a young fresh graduate by email and manage to set up a time for a call. At the agreed time, I call her up.

Me: “Hi! This is [My Name], calling from [Company].”

Applicant: “Oh… hi?”

Me: *Noticing the confusion* “We agreed on this time to discuss the role you applied for?”

Applicant: “Oh… Sorry, I can’t speak right now; I’m going to take a shower. Can you call back in half an hour?”

Me: *Annoyed* “I’m afraid I can’t. I’m sorry, but we did agree on this time, right? I got your confirmation by email.”

Applicant: “I’m sorry, who is this again?”

Me: “I’m [My Name], I’m calling from [Company] about the marketing role you applied for.”

Applicant: “Oh, right! Hi! Yeah, I’m sorry, I’m going to take a shower, so I can’t speak now. Can you call back tomorrow?”

Me: *Trying not to lose my temper* “I’m afraid I can’t.”

Applicant: “Oh, but I’ve already taken off all my clothes!”

Needless to say, she’s not getting the job.