I work for a radio station that presents local news, with a little world news segment. We offer a summer internship for journalism students at the local university to come and see how radio news works, and even help put together the script for some stories. Part of this involves a quick test during the interview stage, asking them to write a quick headline and copy for made-up world news events.

Manager: “Why didn’t you put [Student’s Name] through to the consideration list?”

Me: “Oh, that guy? Look, we only have two intern spaces, so they need to go to the very best.”

Manager: “What’s wrong with [Student’s Name]? He’s the son of a friend, so I kinda wanted to give him a chance.”

Me: “On his newscast copy, he said guerrilla warfare was ‘monkeys with guns’.”

Manager: “…Never mind.”

Office HR Worker: “Hi, [My Name], I’m just calling to officially let you know that your application has been accepted for [New Role]. Congratulations!”

Me: “Oh, wow! That’s amazing! Thank you!”

Office HR Worker: “Now, I’ve just emailed you some forms. We need those completed in triplicate. Sooner the better!”

I eagerly complete the forms, and I send them back in PDF. The HR worker calls back.

Office HR Worker: “Hi, just to make it clear, we need those in triplicate. Triplicate means three.”

Me: “Would you like me to print them out when I come in? I thought you needed these ASAP?”

Office HR Worker: “We do. Please send two more copies.”

Me: “Two more copies? Of the electronic PDF? That I’ve already sent to you?”

Office HR Worker: “Yes, please! Triplicate means threeee!” *Click.*

I simply sent the same email again. Twice. The HR worker acknowledged this and said thanks.

A few weeks later, I’m in the role and talking to a coworker about that experience.

Coworker: “Oh, I know which one in HR you’re talking about. One time, we were all in the office when it was low on paper, and they said, “Just put a blank page in the copier and make more!”

I’m going to be very careful if I need to use this organization’s HR in the future!

I work in the office section of a large British retail chain.

Coworker: “Have you seen all these job applications I have to go through! I can’t read any of ’em!”

Me: “I thought they all came in via an online form?”

Coworker: “They do! But they got all them immigrant names that I can’t pronounce!”

Me: “Well then, it’s a good thing it isn’t your job to pronounce their names, just to read their qualifications.”

Coworker: “It’s just so many immigrants now! Why can’t any of the British people apply for the jobs?”

Me: “You mean the minimum-wage, night-shift, checkout jobs? Yeah, good luck.”

Coworker: *Deep sigh.* “If I could find a country that didn’t take immigrants, I’d move there in a heartbeat.”

Me: “…”

Coworker: “What?”

Me: “I really don’t think you’re qualified to be judging the abilities of job applicants…”

An acquaintance of mine is looking for work. She’s good with table games, so I tell her the name of my manager at the casino where I work and say:

Me: “Go to the casino and ask for [Manager’s Name]. That’s the best way to start.”

A few weeks later, my manager stops me in the hall.

Manager: “Hey, do you know a woman named [Acquaintance’s Name]?”

Me: “Yeah, I do. Did she come in to talk to you?”

Manager: *Raising an eyebrow.* “Not exactly. She put your name and my name down on her application as personal contacts. Then, in her group interview, before she even introduced herself, I asked her, “So, how do you know [Manager’s Name]?”

I freeze. 

Manager: “She laughed and said, ‘Oh, I don’t. My friend, [My Name] told me to say I know you, so I’d get the job.'”

Me: “I… never told her to do that.”

Manager: “Yeah, I figured. Don’t worry. She didn’t get the job.”

She walks off, leaving me red-faced. Even though I think she believed me, I feel awkward every time I see her after that. That’s the last time I offer to help any of my acquaintances get a job here!

Years ago, I was part of a programming team. One of the senior team members had been promoted beyond her abilities, due to work she’d done some years before on a suite of software tools that everyone in the company was forced to use, despite them being much clumsier to use than most equivalent third-party applications.

But that was her claim to fame: getting promoted for her contribution to mediocrity. She somehow felt that this entitled her to sit in her office with her feet on her desk, reading paperback novels all day, while the rest of us engaged in various programming projects. 

The company eventually went into a tailspin, and there were multiple rounds of layoffs. Our whole division got wiped out, eventually. 

Some years later, I’m happily employed elsewhere… Ring-ring goes the telephone.

Me: “Hello, this is Mr. [My Name].”

Human Resources Guy: “Good afternoon, Mr. [My Name]. I’m [HR Guy], with [Company]. One of your former coworkers, Ms. [Novel Reader], has applied for a programming position with us and said you could give her a reference.”

Me: “Oh, did she now? Fascinating. What would you like to know?”

Human Resources Guy: “How long were you and she in the same department?”

Me: “About five years.”

Human Resources Guy: “Great! What can you tell me about Ms. [Novel Reader ]’s work during that time?”

Me: “Well, nothing, I’m afraid; I never actually saw any.”

Human Resources Guy: “You were in the same department for five years and never saw any of her work?”

Me: “In five years, I never saw any work from her.”

Long pause.

Human Resources Guy: “Does that mean what it sounded like?”

Me: “Absolutely.”

Human Resources Guy: “Thank you for your time.”

Me: “Don’t mention it.”