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Misery Demands Company, Part 2

, , , | Right | November 7, 2023

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]! You’re talking to [My Name], and I would be happy to help you this morning!”

Caller: “God d***, you sound chipper!”

Me: “Just happy to help you, sir!”

Caller: “Nope. Not buying it. I don’t want my call center workers to sound happy. I’m having an issue, and it shouldn’t be ‘fun’ for you.”

Me: “I can… try to sound less happy, sir.”

Caller: “You’d better! I’m not happy ’til you’re not happy!”

I resolved his issue. He remained miserable throughout the call. I sounded miserable, but I spent most of the call doodling cats in the margins of my notebook, so… that made me happy. 

Related:
Misery Demands Company

Perhaps He’ll Proceed More Gingerly In The Future

, , , , , , , , , | Friendly | CREDIT: LadyBugGal95 | November 7, 2023

Since there’s only a week left of summer, I decided to take the kids to the local amusement/water park today. As I’ve gotten older, the rides have gotten a little tougher on me. In addition, my daughter tends to get motion sick rather easily. I don’t like the way motion sickness pills make me feel, so I always take a ziplock baggie full of ginger candy to prevent and soothe nausea.

Today, I had chewy mango ginger candies, hard plain ginger candies, and hard lemon ginger candies. For those who’ve never had ginger candy, it is SPICY. The lemon ginger is probably the mildest. The plain ginger is just plain hot. The mango ginger are sweet and spicy, but they also stick to your teeth like crazy. They’re definitely an acquired taste.

As we are standing in line for the log ride, I pull out my baggie. I choose a lemon one, as does my son (thirteen). My daughter (twelve) asks for a mango one. While I’m fishing a mango one out, I hear the seven-or-so kid in front of us talk to his mom.

Kid: “I want some candy!”

Mom: *Distractedly* “I don’t have any candy.”

Kid: “But she does.” *Turns to me* “Can I have a candy?”

Me: “I don’t really think you’d like my candy.”

By this time, his mom has focused on the interaction.

Kid: *Whining* “Of course I’d like your candy!”

Mom: *Huffing* “You’ve got a whole baggie. Can’t you give him just one? Come on, don’t be greedy.”

Oh, you said the magic word there, lady.

Me: “All right.”

I dig out a lemon one. (I’m not completely heartless.)

Kid: *Still whining* “I want mango! Mango is my favorite!”

Me: “Lemon is better.”

Kid: “I want mango!”

Me: *Handing one over* “It’s kind of sticky.”

The kid rips it open, shoves it in his mouth, and gets in three quick chews while my kids stare at him. Then, he actually starts to taste it and a look of horror comes over his face. He screams and tries to spit it out. He’s jumping around and flapping his arms. His mom is panicking.

Mom: “What’s wrong?!”

Kid: *Screaming* “It’s bad! It’s hot! I want it out!”

Mom: “Spit it out!”

That’s when I pipe up helpfully.

Me: “It’s really sticky. What’s left is probably stuck in his teeth. He’ll have to wait for it to melt off if he doesn’t want to chew.”

The mom looks at me in disbelief and I shrug.

Mom: “What in the h*** did you give my son?”

You probably should have asked that sooner, lady.

Me: “Ginger candy. It’s good for nausea.”

I’m pretty sure I’d be dead if looks really could kill. We got to move up in line two spaces, though, because she whisked her kid off to a water fountain. I’d like to think the kid will think twice about demanding things from strangers. Plus, it was entertaining. Overall, the kids and I counted it as a win.

Doing The Ron Thing

, , , , | Right | November 7, 2023

A customer has been waiting in line during a busy stretch at my convenience store. I am finally serving him.

Customer: “What’s your name?! I want to call corporate!”

Me: “It’s Aaron.”

Customer: “Erin?”

Me: “No, sir, Aaron.”

Customer: “Ron? Just say Ron! None of this extra crap! It’s worse than pronouns, I swear!”

Me: “Sir, my name is Aaron.”

Customer: “No, you’re Ron! Stop trying to be all fancy!”

Me: “Wait, sir. If I may ask, why are you going to call Corporate?”

Customer: “To complain about you, of course!”

Me: “Then, in that case, you can call me anything you like, sir.”

More Time Equals More Money. This Is Simple Stuff, Folks.

, , , , , | Right | November 6, 2023

A friend of mine put me in touch with her relative for a logo for their new company. Since it was a friend referral, and I was excited about the project, I offered a discounted rate (almost 50%) from what I normally charge businesses.

Me: “Great. The logo should take around three or four hours at my rate of [amount].”

Client: “Okay, but I don’t want to pay more than that.”

Me: “Sure. I’m confident that I can create a logo in that time frame quoted.”

Client: “Wait, how many options will I get?”

Me: “The quote above is for one logo. It takes around three or four hours. If you want more, I can create options, but I’ll have to bill each at three or four hours for a total of [higher amount].”

Client: “That is not a competitive market rate. Best of luck.”

Now I wish I could bill my full 100% rate for the time it took to negotiate and explain how math works.

At Least They Didn’t Just Tell You To “Figure It Out”!

, , , , , , | Working | November 6, 2023

I am the author of this story, and I’ve had another stunning interaction with our telco.

It’s September, and the new iPhone is about to be released, so many retailers are having a fire sale on the older models. My mother decided it was time to upgrade her dinosaur to a now-obsolete iPhone 14. I convinced her to add it to her bill so she could pay it off monthly.

[Provider] also has a price-match policy, and that day, another retailer was advertising the same device for $200 cheaper. I’m authorised on my mother’s account, so I offered to call to set it up.

Consultant: “The account will need to be set up as direct debit/autopay to add the new phone.”

Me: “Is that necessary? I didn’t need to last time. And as a pensioner, Mum isn’t overly happy using direct debit.”

She placed me on hold, checked, and came back.

Consultant: “Your mother’s current plan is eligible, so direct debit won’t be necessary. And as a bonus, she will keep her pensioner discount!”

The order proceeded, and we finished the call. (Those familiar with the provider know they switched to direct debit a while ago and there is no other option, but we weren’t told that.)

Two weeks later, I asked my mum if her phone had arrived yet as I needed to set it up for her. It hadn’t, so I contacted [Provider]. They came back and advised me that the order had been cancelled because a direct debit agreement had not been set up — and nobody had contacted us to advise this before it was cancelled.

After trying to discuss it with a supervisor, I asked to lodge a complaint. (It’s worked twice before now, so why not?) The consultant took down the details and read it back as, “Customer not happy with direct debit”. I corrected him to ensure that it wasn’t just the direct debit but also the fact that nobody had contacted us to advise what the problem was, and we’d had to chase it up.

Twenty-four hours later my mother received an email.

Email: “Dear Customer: Regarding complaint [number], we are sorry you aren’t happy with our payment options. However, as direct debit is the only option we offer, we are not able to resolve your complaint to your satisfaction and consider the matter finalised.”

I saw red. I went straight to the ombudsman and explained what we had been through. The call took five minutes, and they promised we’d receive a callback shortly.

The next day, the [Provider] Ombudsman Complaints officer called back and clarified the details of our issue. I primarily explained that had someone called and said, “You need to do direct debit to get this deal,” we’d have done so.

The officer understood, apologised, and went to see what she could do.

Officer: “Unfortunately, the iPhone 14 is now completely unavailable. I cannot offer you the same deal.”

Me: “Surely, since this was not our mistake, there is something you can do to make it right?”

After much discussion that I’ll skip here, the offer was an iPhone 15, for the price of the 14.

Me: “But what about the price-match deal? We have screenshots of [Other Retailer]’s price on the day we took out the deal.”

The next offer was the iPhone 15 for the price of the 14, plus $200. But we’d lose the pensioner discount.

Me: “But we were told on the first call that we would still get the pensioner discount?”

The next offer included the discount, with thirty-six months credit, as well. 

So, after all is said and done, my mother pays an extra $5 per month than she would have had everything gone through the first time, but she also received over $500 off a brand-new iPhone.

Moral of the story: all of our telcos are bad in Australia, but if you know the system and insist on your rights as a consumer — and wave an ombudsman stick if they don’t fix the problem — you will generally make out pretty good.

Related:
Isn’t It Literally Your Job To “Figure It Out”?