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Purple Digital Rain

, , , | Right | June 3, 2010

Customer: “Hey there, can you help me find a book?”

Me: “Of course, ma’am. Do you know the author or title?”

Customer: “Well, you see, I was at the beach and I saw this girl reading a purple book. She looked like she was really enjoying it! I want that book.”

Me: “Ma’am, you’re going to have to be more specific. There are a lot of books with purple covers.”

Customer: “Can’t you search on your computer for purple books?”

Me: “Unfortunately, no.”

Customer: “I’ll go to a bookstore that has better computers.”

Unable To Order, Drunken Disorder

, , , , | Right | June 1, 2010

Me: “Hi, what can I do for you this evening?”

Customer: *visibly intoxicated* “I need a room.”

(After arguing with her for a good ten minutes about the cost per night, the customer settles on a standard room. A few hours later, she calls.)

Me: “Front desk.”

Customer: “My phone isn’t working.”

Me: “Are you sure?”

Customer: “Girl, I am sure! My phone is not working.”

Me: “Is it not working when you are trying to dial out? Make sure you’re pressing ‘9’ before you dial the number you’re trying to reach.”

Customer: “No, I know that! I read that. It’s not working. No dial tone, nothing.”

Me: “Ma’am, aren’t you calling me from the room phone?”

*Silence for a moment.*

Customer: “While I’ve got you on here, can you order me ribs?”

Me: “From the restaurant next door?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’m not required to do that. The number for the restaurant is in your guest directory found in the drawer of the desk in your room.”

Customer: “But my phone isn’t working!”

Indoor Trees Are An Absolute Debarkle

, , , | Right | May 29, 2010

(I am working in the garden shop. Note that we’re experiencing 60 mph winds.)

Customer: “You people really have a problem out here!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, what seems to be the issue?”

Customer: “You have trees blowing over all over the place!”

Me: “I do apologize. We have been trying to contain them, but Mother Nature is winning.”

Customer: “Screw your Mother Nature! Just take them inside. It’s where they belong, anyway!”


This story is part of our Customers Versus Mother Nature roundup!

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Not So Beautiful Mind

, , , , , | Right | May 24, 2010

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a book based on a movie. Life is Beautiful, I think?”

Me: “I don’t believe Life is Beautiful” was originally a book. Are you perhaps thinking of A Beautiful Mind?”

Customer: “Yes! Yes, that’s the one! Get me that one! It’s the one about World War II. And the guy is burned. And there’s a French Nurse. That’s the book I want!”

Me: “That actually sounds like The English Patient by Michael Ondaatje. I can grab a copy of that for you!”

Customer: “Yes! The English Patient. That sounds right. But Michael Ondaatje, that sounds like a foreign name. No, The English Patient wasn’t written by a foreigner. Do you have a copy that wasn’t written by Ondaatje? I want that story, but I want it written by a Canadian.”

Me: “So you want a copy of The English Patient that is not written by Michael Ondaatje?”

Customer: “Yes! That’s what I want. Do you have any copies of that story written by Margaret Atwood? I do like her.”

Me: “No. I really don’t think we do.”

Customer: “Oh. Do you think any of your other stores might?”

Me: “I doubt it, ma’am.”


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Cinnamon Never Tasted So Bitter

, , , | Right | May 22, 2010

(I work at a grocery store where our policy is to take a customer to the aisle of the item they are looking for instead of just telling them the aisle number.)

Customer: “Um, excuse me! Where do you keep your cinnamon?”

Me: “It’s in the baking aisle. If you follow me, I can take you over to the right aisle.”

Customer: “No. Can’t you just tell me where it is? I’m sick of you people. All I want to do is buy my groceries and you all keep saying hello to me and smiling at me! Where’s the d*** aisle?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, cinnamon is located in aisle eight.”

Customer: “I want to speak to your manager. You people are too f****** cheerful. I can’t stand it!”


This story is part of the complaining customer roundup!

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