Shall We Dance?

, , , , | Friendly | July 29, 2020

A few years ago, when I was twenty-five, I gathered enough courage to visit a famous local late-night club. It was a “first of its kind” for me, as I’d rather meet up with people to play board games or spend time on gaming consoles.

As expected with people looking for new friends and/or hookups, I was really nervous and silently sat in my corner, sipping on my cola. Feeling another wave of courage and energy, I told myself to at least see the whole club with every room and all of its dance floors. 

I thought to myself, “Hm… That dance floor there looks full of smoke and people. Let’s be brave and walk through the crowd!”

So, with my trusted bottle of Coke, I took a deep breath and walked until… I reached a person with a drink in his hand. No matter how I stepped to the side, we still stood in each others’ way.

With all the smoke, flashing lights, and overly loud dance music, I looked into his eyes…

…only to realise that I was standing in front of a wall-sized mirror.

I was embarrassed beyond belief and left only two hours after entering the club.

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Time To Transition Out Of This Conversation

, , , , , | Romantic | July 6, 2020

It’s been ten years since this incident and I’m still amused and confused by this situation.

My friends have invited me to drag night to see their friend sing and dance in a competition for amateur drag queens. I’m not a fan of loud music or clubs so I suggest that I drive so they can have a few drinks, and I bring a book along so I can be supportive but also have a break if it gets too overwhelming.

I’m sitting against the wall reading my book when a man in his late twenties comes and sits next to me.

Man: “Hi there.”

Me: “Hi, what’s up?”

Man: “I just noticed you over here and thought I’d come and say hi.”

Me: “Oh, well, hi.”

Man: “How are you enjoying the show?”

Me: “It’s interesting. The costumes are pretty cool.”

Man: “So, if you don’t mind me asking, how long has it been?”

Me: “I’ve never been to one of these shows before.”

Man: “No, sorry, I mean… Y’know, how long has it beeeeeeen?”

Me: “I don’t understand.”

Man: “Since you started transitioning? You look great.”

Me: “Um… I was born this way?”

The man very quickly stood up and walked into the crowd.

I asked my friends later what was going on and they explained that he was trying to hit on me. My innocent, twenty-one-year-old brain had no idea.

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Shirley Likes To Have Fun Sometimes

, , , , , , | Working | May 8, 2020

I’m tee-total, but I still like to go dancing with my friends. A Shirley Temple is one of my favourite drinks, but for some reason, some bars like to add vodka or rum, without even asking me which one. Because of this, I’ve learned to be specific.

I’m also used to non-alcoholic drinks being free at the clubs we go to.

Me: “Could I please get a Shirley Temple with no alcohol?”

Bartender: “What is that?”

Me: “Just orange juice, Sprite, and grenadine.”

Bartender: “We don’t have grenadine.”

Me: “That’s okay, just orange juice and Sprite.”

She mixes a drink and sets it on the bar.

Bartender: “That’s $5.75.”

Me: “For what?”

Bartender: “For the vodka.”

She says this as if it should be obvious.

Me: “No, I wanted no alcohol. I said just orange juice and Sprite.”

Bartender: *With attitude* “You didn’t say you wanted a virgin.”

I was especially confused because not only was I certain that I had specified no alcohol, but I had actually listed the ingredients for her. A version of this was, unfortunately, a common occurrence at clubs, but this one was definitely the worst one.

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Stamping Out Bad Bouncer Behavior

, , , , , , , | Working | May 1, 2020

Apologies to nightclub bouncers, but every job has its idiots that make everyone else look bad.

When my youngest son was about twenty or so — legal drinking age — he decided to check out a new night club that had opened about two weeks before. As the establishment was still new, there was a line out the door and about half a block up the sidewalk.

My son wanted to ask what the wait time was, so he asked the bouncer, a big mouth-breather sitting at the entrance, how long the wait would be. The guy told my son to F-off and get to the back of the line.

At that moment, the “bouncer” was called in to the club and left his station. More importantly, he left the hand stamper that allows admission on his little table. My son, a little pissed off by this guy’s attitude and by that point not at all interested in going into the club, grabbed the stamp and very politely made his way along the long line of people waiting to get in.

“You’re in, and you’re in, and you’re in…” He just went through the line on the sidewalk stamping people’s hands and they gratefully charged into the club. As the bouncer had left his post there was nobody to check them, but they had stamps, so the club ended up being full and having at least another fifty people crowded in. 

My son had got about halfway through the line when the idiot came up to him, demanded the stamp back, and informed him he was banned for life from the club. My son laughed, handed over the stamp, and left. The club closed about three months after.

I love my son; he doesn’t get mad but instead uses people’s idiocy for good.

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Danced Right Away From His Problems

, , , , | Romantic | March 26, 2020

(I am married to a fellow Marine, a man with two left feet and no sense of rhythm. He hates to dance; probably inevitably, I am a dancin’ fool. We come to terms with this early in our relationship, or at least I think so.

It’s Friday and we are meeting at the Officer’s Club. This particular club has a DJ and dancing on Fridays. I sprained my ankle earlier this week, so I come limping into the bar on my crutches and greet my husband.)

Me: “I see the DJ is getting ready.”

Husband: *in a tragic tone of voice, glancing at my crutches* “Yes, and I was just going to ask you to dance!”

(I tried to smack him with a crutch but he was too fast for me.)

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