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God Ma’amit

, , , | Right | February 25, 2009

Me: “Good afternoon, ma’am; how can I help you?”

Customer: “Don’t call me ma’am; that’s rude! That’s like me calling you stupid!”

Me: “I apologize… I was just trying to be courteous.”

Customer: “I want to speak to the manager.”

Manager: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

Customer: “You’re stupid, and he’s stupid, and everybody that works here is stupid! I’m leaving!”

Me: “Have a great day, ma’am!”

Now Hiring: Omniscient Employees

, , | Right | February 23, 2009

Me: “Good morning, this is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi there! About a month ago you guys had a festival in the park, right?”

Me: “Yes, we did. It was excellent. Did you attend it?”

Caller: “No, I had just remembered seeing the ad for it in the newspaper.”

Me: “Okay. Well, that one is over but we will be having another Christmas festival in December.”

Caller: “That’s fantastic, but I was wondering… above your ad was an ad for a jewelry store. Do you remember?”

Me: “No, I don’t; I’m sorry. I just placed the ad. I didn’t really see it in the newspaper.”

Caller: “Well, it was for a jewelry store… I was wondering if you knew what store it was and if you have their number handy?”

Me: “Umm, no, I don’t. Maybe you can call the newspaper and find out?”

Caller: “Well, why don’t YOU have it?! It was above YOUR ad!”

Paranoia In The W.C.

, , , | Right | February 20, 2009

(I was just about to clean the ladies’ room when a female customer walked up to me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, how do you lock this door?”

Me: “There’s no lock on the door, but there are stalls in there.”

Customer: “But, what if someone tries watching me? I want to know I’m safe from voyeurs.”

Me: “I’m pretty sure nobody will be watching.”

Customer: “What about the men’s room? Is there a lock over there?”

Me: “Well, there’s a stall in there, but there’s two in this one.”

Customer: “But, no lock?”

Me: “Would it help if I stood guard?”

Customer: *now yelling* “Oh? So, you think you can get a little peep show?! Well, I’ll have you know that I won’t tolerate a pervert in my midst! I’ll take my business elsewhere, and you’re getting reported for harassment!”

Me: “But, I–”

Customer: “Good day!” *storms out*

Manager: *listening from his office* “What was that all about?!”

Me: “I don’t know.”

Eww, Fresh Food

, , , | Right | February 18, 2009

Server: “Um… one of our tables asked me to bring this salad back.”

Cook: “What’s wrong with it? It looks fine to me.”

Server: “He complained that the lettuce was too green in his Greek salad.”

Cook: “His lettuce was too green?”

Server: “Yeah.”

Cook: “I really don’t want to know what kind of lettuce that guy’s been eating…”

(In the end, we had to call our manager in to explain to this guy that our lettuce only comes in one color, green.)

I Hear The Gossip Columns Are Juicy

, , , | Right | February 18, 2009

(A customer walks in with a very full backpack.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to trade you.”

Me: “Um, we don’t actually trade things; we sell food.”

Customer: “Well, I’ve got this whole bag of stuff for you.”

(He opens the bag and shows me magazines, forks, and spoons.)

Me: “Sir, you have to use money to buy the food.”

Customer: “Let me talk to your manager.”

(I call the manager, who walks over.)

Customer: “Come on, man. This magazine must be worth at least… carrots.”

Manager: “Here’s a trade for you: money for food.”

Customer: *walks out*