In Your Hour Of Need

, , , , , , | Working | November 2, 2018

(I’m at the hardware store, speaking to a manager, since my water tank is broken and I have not heard back from the plumber.)

Me: “I’m waiting to be called by the plumber. I was told they would call within 48 hours.”

Manager: “Yeah, you have to wait for their call. There’s nothing I can do.”

Me: “But it’s been more than 48 hours.”

Manager: “No. It’s within 48 open business hours.”

Me: “Seriously?”

Manager: “Eight hours per day.”

Me: “Right, so… six days?!”

Manager: “Probably.”

Me: “But I need the tank. I have no hot water.”

Manager: “Maybe you’d like the emergency service, then? It’s $200 extra, and it’s within 24 hours.”

Me: “You mean three days?”

Manager: “Well… no. A day is 24 hours.”

He Needs A Separate Bag For His Ego

, , , , , | Right | October 13, 2018

(I work at a store specializing in magazines and newspapers. We’re located near the business center of the city, so we get a lot of business people who tend to be haughty or dismissive. One such customer is a regular who usually comes early in the morning.)

Me: “Would you like a bag, sir?”

(The customer has earphones in, and neither looks at me nor answers. I speak a little louder, moving to catch his attention.)

Me: “Sir?”

(The customer takes his purchases and leaves without a word. A few days later, I see him again. My assistant manager is stocking gum packets near the register.)

Me: *suspecting it’ll be a repeat from the other day* “Would you like a bag, sir?”

(The customer still has earphones still in, and never looks at me or answers. My assistant manager notices there was no answer.)

Assistant Manager: “Sir, would you like a bag?”

Me: “Don’t bother, [Assistant Manager]. He never answers.”

(The customer leaves with his purchases, again never saying a word. Later that day, he returns, and flags a coworker, asking to see the manager.)

Customer: “Your clerk was very rude to me!”

Manager: “What happened?”

(The assistant manager spots the customer and comes over, giving her version of the event, as well.)

Manager: “The clerk did exactly what she had to do. You can’t come in here and act like you’re above everyone, ignore them, and then come back to complain when they don’t expect it. If you don’t show respect to my employees, you can buy your newspapers elsewhere.”

(The customer didn’t cause a scene — possibly because the manager was a tall, large man — but his attitude improved radically from then on. It was met with the courtesy and professionalism that had otherwise always been offered to him.)

Tribbles Of Fury

, , , , , , | Friendly | August 31, 2018

(I recently adopted a new cat. He’s quite unusual. This leads to me having this scenario, I don’t know how many times, with just about anyone coming in my home. As I welcome my visitors — could be friends, family, coworkers, anyone — I warn them right at the door.)

Me: “I got a new cat, Sugar. He’s a little spooky, but please try to not be scared; as it is, he’ll be more afraid of you than you can be of him.”

Friend: “Of course. No problem; it’s just a cat. Is he missing an eye or something?”

Me: “No… You see, he’s a little, round, fluffy ball of black fur.”

Friend: “Oh, no worries. I’m not superstitious or anything.”

Me: “Yeah… That’s not all. He has orange eyes.”

Friend: “Oh, so unique! Must be charming!”

Me: “Yes, he is! Actually, his appearance pushed him to be rejected by people, but really, he just wants to love people, if only they would give him the chance to be loved back. He’s a little shy at the moment, but if you stay calm, he’ll purr like crazy and even will try to lick you.”

Friend: “Aww, so cute.”

(Some time passes, and as we are having a cup of tea in the living room, the cat shows up and curiously but cautiously approaches. I don’t want him to sneak up on people, as he’s already surprising in himself, so I announce him.)

Me: “Hey, [Friend], he’s coming out. Say, ‘hi,’ to Sugar!”

(My friend is smiling as he turns to look… until the orange glow of eyes on a round shaped shadow slowly moving toward us is seen, then he SWEARS AND JUMPS on the seat. Sugar, scared by the screaming human, runs for his life, hiding in another room.)

Me: “Yeah, I did my best to warn you…”

(Most people feel like fools for reacting in such a way and excuse themselves. Also, second meetings with Sugar go much better. They get to see him for what he is: a scary but sweet little fluff-ball of love.)

Pizza With A Sharp Flavor

, , , | Right | July 31, 2018

(I work in a restaurant that caters mostly to families, so we often get requests for extra napkins, high chairs, etc. I’ve been serving a family of six — three adults and two teenagers — and everything is going smoothly until I bring out their food.)

Mother: “Excuse me? Miss!”

Me: “Yes? Is everything okay with your meal?”

Mother: “Yes, I was wondering if you had any scissors?”

Me: “Scissors?”

Mother: “Yes. I need some”

(I go to the cash and grab an old pair of scissors; we typically use them to cut up old papers and open boxes. I bring them to her.)

Mother: “Thanks!”

(I turn around to check on another table, and when I go to take the scissors back, I see the mother cutting her teenage son’s pizza into bite-sized pieces with the scissors! I am mortified. At the end of the night, I go to pick up scissors that are now covered in sauce and sticky cheese.)

Mother: “Oh, well, I guess you can clean those off! Thanks again!”

Me: “Have a great night…”

(For the record, we provide steak knives for those who want to cut their pizza.)

Bad Breakup Means Bad Ice Breaker

, , , | Learning | July 27, 2018

(My girlfriend and I volunteer to help with nurse practical exams, which means we play the roles of various patients the nurses in training have to respond to. This leads to many interesting stories, but this one is the best. My girlfriend gets to play the role of a girl admitted to the ER after a suicide attempt following a bad breakup.)

Girlfriend: *jokingly to the examiner* “I hope they won’t pull the whole ‘plenty of fish in the sea’ line on me. I think that would only make things worse.”

Examiner: “They should have more common sense than that.”

(In comes the nurse in training, who, faced, with amateurishly fake crying, proceeds to give her every clichéd post-breakup line in the book. My girlfriend manages to make her fits of laughter pass as more crying, and it fools the guy well enough. To top it all off, he gives her her clothing without removing the belt, giving her everything she needs to hang herself in the scenario.)

Girlfriend: *after the nurse in training left* “Please tell me he failed.”

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