Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

All The World’s A Book

, , , , | Right | February 12, 2009

Customer: “Excuse me, I’m wondering if you can help me?”

Me: “Sure, how can I help?”

Customer: “I’m looking for a book.”

Me: “Right, what book is that?”

Customer: “I’m looking for a dictionary.”

(I take the customer to the dictionary section, but she shakes her head.)

Customer: “No, it’s not a dictionary; it’s just a book.”

Me: “Well, I’m afraid I need to know a bit more than that to find it for you.”

Customer: “Well, it’s not a book; it’s a box.”

Me: “A box?”

Customer: “Not really. It’s kind of a box and you put things in it. Like a box.”

Me: “So it’s not a book?”

Customer: “Yes, it is also a book.”

(Turned out she was looking for a safe.)

The Only Thing Toasted Is His Mind

, , , | Right | February 12, 2009

Customer: “I don’t want my sandwich toasted.”

Me: “No problem, sir. We actually don’t have a toaster here, so you don’t have to worry.”

Customer: “OH, YES, YOU DO! The last sandwich I got was toasted!”

Me: “Um. Are you sure it was from this store?”

Customer: “Yes. It was from this exact store, and it was toasted so bad I almost couldn’t eat it.”

Me: “I’m not sure how that’s possible, sir. We honestly don’t have a toaster, and we never have.”

Customer: “Oh, so now I don’t know what toasted bread looks like?”

Me: “I–”

Customer: “The top of my bread was brown. And do you know what makes bread brown?”

Me: “The crust?”

Customer: “A TOASTER!”

(Seriously, no toaster. Ever. At all.)

Stairway To Nowhere

, , , | Right | February 10, 2009

Customer: “Excuse me, but I can’t seem to find the stairs to your second floor.”

Me: “Ah, well, ma’am, that’s probably because we don’t have a second floor.”

Customer: “Yes, you do, I’ve shopped here for five years. I’ve been to your second floor several times. If you look at this store from the outside, you can see that it’s big enough to house a second floor.”

Me: “But there are no windows to show the second floor. No, ma’am, we have that high ceiling instead. We never had a second floor.

Customer: “YES, YOU DO! Now stop screwing around with me and tell me where it is!”

Manager: *overhearing this conversation* “Ma’am, I’ve worked here since our store opened ten years ago. We’ve NEVER had a second floor.”

Customer: “You’re lying! Tell me where the stairs are or I’m going to report your behavior to your corporate offices!”

Steam Cleaner On Elm Street

, , , , | Right | February 10, 2009

Customer: “Can you show me where the carpet cleaning stuff is?”

Me: “Sure, right here.” *leads him to the aisle*

Customer: “Which one is good for getting blood out of carpet?”

Me: “Well, this brand works well for spots. How much blood are we talkin’ here?”

Customer: “About a bucket full…”

Me: “You may want to rent a carpet cleaner…”

Pre-Pre-Pre-School

, , , | Right | February 6, 2009

Me: *on the phone* “Good afternoon, this is [School].”

Caller: “Hi, I need to see if I can get my son into your school?”

Me: “All right, that’s easy. Come over anytime next week, when we’ll be taking applications.”

Caller: “Can you fax it to me?”

Me: “No, I can’t, but you can print it out from our website, along with all the information there. Is that okay?”

Caller: “Yeah…”

Me: “We only accept applicants for 7th through 9th grade from this school district, just to let you know.”

Caller: “Oh, what is your district?”

Me: “[Name] high school district.”

Caller: “Oh, where is that?”

Me: “[Name] and its neighboring cities.”

Caller: “Oh. That’s where we’re moving.”

Me: “You don’t live in the district?”

Caller: “No, we live in New Jersey. We’re going to move to California so my son can go there.”

Me: “Ma’am… I’m afraid that you need to live within the district to put in an application.”

Caller: “Yes, we’re moving there.”

Me: “You need to be in the district when you put in the application.”

Caller: “When are applications due?”

Me: “They’re due the third week of January through the second week of February.”

Caller: “Oh. We’re not moving for a little while.”

Me: “Yes… you need a copy of a gas or electricity bill so we can verify your address is in the district. If I may ask, ma’am, what grade is your son in?”

Caller: “Oh, he doesn’t go to school.”

Me: “…”

Caller: “My son will be one year old in a few weeks!”