(It’s the day after Thanksgiving, and to our surprise we see a customer holding what appears to be a huge ball of aluminum foil. She is visibly upset as she approaches our customer service desk.)

Coworker: “Hello, what can I do for you today?”

Customer: *slams the huge ball of aluminum foil on the desk* “You guys sold me a bad turkey!”

(She opens up the ball of aluminum foil to reveal the turkey bones of her last night Thanksgiving meal — ONLY the bones.)

Coworker: “I’m sorry to hear that. What was wrong with it?”

Customer: “I don’t know, but when I finished preparing and cooking it, it didn’t taste good.”

Coworker: *looks down at the bones with confusion and disbelief* “Where’s the turkey?”

Customer: “Are you stupid? It’s right here!” *pointing to the bones*

Coworker: “Yeah, but where’s the meat?”

Customer: “We ate it last night; now, are you going to help me or not?!”

Coworker: “So, let me get this straight. You bought a turkey from us that you prepared yourself, and cooked yourself, and you didn’t like how it tasted, and now you want to return it?”

Customer: “Exactly!”

(In genuine disbelief at how absurd the customer was being, my coworker called a manager to deal with the situation. Unfortunately, because of our “customer is always right ” policy, not only did the customer get a full refund, but she got a brand new turkey, AND the personal phone number of the store chef so that he could talk her through the steps on how to PROPERLY prepare and cook a turkey.)

This story is part of the Thanksgiving 2022 roundup!

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(I work at a popular drug store. I answer the phone one evening.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Do y’all sell ball deodorant?”

Me: “Oh! You mean the roll-on kind?”

Customer: “No! Deodorant for your balls.”

Me: “Um… No, ma’am. We don’t.”

Customer: “This is bulls***!”

(It’s the Fourth of July and I’m working the register. A woman in her mid-50s comes up to me.)

Customer: “Where are your winter coats?”

Me: *taken aback* “What?”

Customer: “Your winter coats! I’m looking for them.”

Me: “Um, well, we’re not selling any right now. You’re welcome to check the 70%-off rack, since that’s from last winter, but other than that, I’m afraid they won’t be in for a while.”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me! I know you get the seasons in early.”

Me: “It’s true, we do get clothing for each season in early, but it’s July.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “So… we won’t even be getting the fall stuff until the end of this month.”

Customer: “Well, then, where am I supposed to get a winter coat?”

Me: *trying to be helpful* “Well, I’m sure you could check [Thrift Store] in [Town ten miles away]. They should have out-of-season stuff.”

Customer: *angry* “I don’t drive! I need something here!”

Me: “Okay, well, you could check [Famous Outdoor Sporting Company]. I know they ship right to your house.”

Customer: “I don’t want to order anything! I want something here!“

Me: “Well, unfortunately, we don’t have any winter coats except what few are left on clearance.”

Customer: “But why don’t you have anything now?“

Me: *fed up* “Because it’s July.”

(The woman storms out. My manager comes over, having seen her leave angrily.)

Manager: “What was that about?”

Me: “She was mad because we didn’t have any winter coats.”

Manager: “Did you tell her to check the clearance racks?”

Me: “Yup. She was mad we didn’t have new ones.”

Manager: “But… it’s July.”

Me: “Believe me, I know.”

This story is part of our July 4th roundup!

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(I work in an electronics store. One day I see a man looking at small Bluetooth speakers, so I go to see if he needs help.)

Me: “Is there anything I can help you with today, sir?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for a noise-canceling speaker.”

(I’m confused, so I ask him to clarify.)

Me: “What exactly do you mean by noise-canceling?”

Customer: “You know a speaker that drowns the noise out around you, but as small as these.”

(He points at very small Bluetooth speakers.)

Me: “Oh, you mean noise-canceling headphones.”

Customer: “No, I mean a noise-canceling speaker, so that when I’m listening to music I don’t hear anything.”

Me: “That type of technology does not exist.”

Customer: “No, it does. I’ve seen it before.”

Me: “Sir, it is physically impossible for a speaker this size to drown out all the sound around you.”

Customer: “You obviously don’t know what you’re talking about. You need to find a new job.”

(At this point I just walked away.)

(My coworker and I are behind our counter working on photo orders when a customer comes up to our registers. He’s looking at the mats on our counter which explain the prices of photos. I go over to help.)

Me: “Hi. Anything I can help you with?”

Customer: “Wow! You were quick! I was interested in getting my passport photo done.”

(I’m not sure what the price is, either, since I’m newer to this department, though not new to the store, so I’m searching the mats for the price. Unable to find it, I call my coworker over.)

Me: *to coworker* “Hey, do you know the price of passport photos?”

Coworker: “Hmm, I thought it was $6.00.” *searches the mat* “That’s weird; it’s not on here. They must have left it off when they gave us new ones. Let me scan a UPC… All right, it’s $8.”

Customer: “Did your wages increase when they raised the price? Haha!”

Coworker: “Uh… Not really. Were you interested in getting a passport photo done?”

Customer: “Yep!”

Coworker: “Okay.” *to me* “Let me show you how it’s done!”

(I’ve seen her do this once before, but we don’t get many orders for it, so she shows me the ropes and we print out his photo. Later, he comes back to pick it up.)

Customer: *looking at picture* “I see she chose the one that wasn’t smiling!” *laughs*

Me: “Oh, yeah… All passport photos have to have no facial expression, so it was the most neutral.”

(All of his photos except one had him smiling, despite my coworker asking him to not smile and to be neutral.)

Customer: “I didn’t know that! So, if I don’t like this photo, what do you do?”

Me: “Well, unfortunately, the policy is that we can only fix photos, not return them. So if there’s any issues with your print, we will redo them for you!”

Customer: “Okay! No problem!”

(He leaves. Then an hour later, I get a call from the customer service desk:)

Me: “Hello, electronics, what can I do for you?”

Coworker #2: “Hey! There’s a man here who got his passport photo taken and he wants to return it. I know we can’t; I just want to know what to do.”

Me: “Why does he want to return it?”

Coworker #2: *to customer… I can hear him in the background* “So what was wrong with the photo?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m not wearing the right color shirt, my face looks weird, and my hair isn’t right.”

Me: *to coworker* “We can fix it for him; just let him know he can come in anytime to get it redone.”

Coworker #2: “Okay, no problem!”

(He ended up coming in the next day and tried to take both home with him, instead of giving me the bad one back.)