Wisdom Teeth Do Not Make You Wise

, , , , | Working | October 15, 2017

(I am getting my wisdom teeth taken out, but have elected to have it done with just Novocaine and nitrous oxide, laughing gas, so I am awake during the procedure. This takes place immediately after the oral surgeon has injected Novocaine into the base of one tooth and is about to pull it.)

Oral Surgeon: “Jesus f***, what is this?”

Assistant: “What’s wrong?”

Oral Surgeon: “There aren’t enough teeth!”

Assistant: “What?”

Oral Surgeon: “She’s missing teeth!”

(I was born with two less teeth than normal on my top jaw, which allowed those wisdom teeth to come in just fine.)

Me: “Yup.” *lifts up my hand and taps the area where the teeth would have been* “Missing these. Thought you knew.”

(I probably should have mentioned it at the consultation, but I would have thought that the guy who had my x-rays for a few weeks and looked in my mouth during the consultation would have noticed something that strange! On the plus side, I only had to get the bottom teeth removed!)

Distraction In Action

, , , , | Right | October 15, 2017

(After a recent switch from full-time to part-time, I have been downsized from a private office to a cubicle that faces the main lobby. I’ve had the same conversation several times a day since the move.)

Client: “Hey, you moved!”

Me: “Yep, I did. Smaller job, smaller space.”

Client: “Oh, that’s too bad. I bet you get a lot more distracted out here.”

Me: “Not really; I’m good at focusing on my work.”

Client: “Oh, but don’t all the people walking by distract you?”

Me: “Only when they ask me if I get distracted a lot.”

There’s No Such Thing As A Free Lunch… Oh, Wait

, , , , , | Friendly | October 14, 2017

Many years ago, I had a weekday off from work. I was out running some errands, and I swung by an ATM to get $10 to pay for lunch at a cash-only pizza place with a great lunch buffet. I had a great lunch; I even saw an old acquaintance from high school waiting tables and it was nice to say hi. I finished my errands, went home, and had a relaxing afternoon and evening.

The next day I was at work, and I decided to go out to lunch again. I checked my wallet to see how much of my $10 I had left over, which would determine where to go and what to get for lunch. I had the whole Hamilton in there, and nothing else. It took me a minute to put together what I had done. I’ve never been back to that pizza place.

Don’t Do Coke, Kids!

, , , , , , | Right | October 13, 2017

Customer #1: “What kind of soda products do you have?”

Me: “Coke.”

Customer #1: “I’ll have a Pepsi.”

Customer #2: “Dude, she just said they have Coke products.”

Customer #1: “Isn’t Coke a Pepsi product?”

Me: “Coke is Coke.”

Customer #1: “Okay. Cherry Pepsi, please.”

Customer #2: “Me, too.”

A Sizeable Problem

, , , , , | Right | October 13, 2017

(I work at a fast food restaurant. For some reason, people don’t seem to understand sizes. I am often on the drive-thru, and you would not believe the frequency with which these exact exchanges occur, with multiple customers.)

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “I’ll just have a #1.”

Me: “What size would you like that combo?”

Customer: “[Soda].”

Me: “Okay, and what size?”

Customer: “[Soda].”

Me: “Small, medium, or large?”

Customer: “[Soda].”

Me: *over-enunciating* “Do you want the fries and drink small, medium, or large?”

Customer: “Actually, make that a [Other Soda].”

Me: *picks random size for them* “Thank you. Please pull forward.”

(Another incident: a customer goes through the process of ordering whatever food, and then…)

Me: “Small, medium, or large?”

Customer: “What does that mean?”

Me: “What size do you want [Item] in?”

Customer: “What does it come in?”

Me: “It comes in either small, medium, or large.”

Customer: “I’ll take a regular.”

Me: “So, you want that in a medium?”

Customer: “No, just give me the regular size.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll make that a small.”

Customer: “Just give me whatever size it comes in!”

Me: *picks size for them* “Thank you. Please pull forward.”

(Plot twist: sometimes the customer really wants “extra large,” which is not an actual size here, and pulls all the way back through the line to have us get their order “right.”)

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