Thinking He Was Home Free

, , , , | Right | May 11, 2020

In the UK, you can tell what type a phone line is by the first two digits. 01,02,03 and 08 are landline phones while 07 is always a cell phone. I work as an outgoing cold call agent in the UK where we see the phone numbers listed as we call them.

Me: “Hello, sir, I am calling from [Cell Phone Company] regarding your cell phone plan.”

Customer: “I am on pay-as-you-go; I don’t have a cell phone monthly plan.”

Me: “Yes, I noticed and you could be getting a much better deal for your cell phone.”

Customer: “I’m sorry, but I’m driving. Could you call back later?”

I take a second to look at the number I dialed before I respond.

Me: “Sir… are you telling me that you’re driving your house?”

It was an 01 house landline number. The customer paused for a couple of seconds, stuttered, and hung up.

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Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 36

, , , , , | Right | April 25, 2020

I support routers for a fairly well-known company. Usually, customers are quite pleasant and trust that we know our devices well enough to know what they can and can’t do. Some people, however:

Customer: “My router isn’t giving me Internet over its Wi-Fi!”

Me: “Right, let’s check the cable, shall we? Is the Internet cable in the internet port?”

Customer: “No, this one doesn’t have a cable; it’s receiving Internet wirelessly. Are you stupid?”

Me: *Pause* “Your model does not come with that functionality. Either you put a cable in there, or you installed another software on there that does allow for that. Are you sure there isn’t a cable nearby that was unplugged accidentally?”

Customer: “Clearly, you don’t know your own products. You’re useless. You can’t even help me, can you?”

Me: “Evidently not. Have a lovely day.”

I hung up, because I’m not forced to deal with people like that.

Related:
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 35
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 34
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 33

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It’s All Greek To This Rep

, , , , , , , | Working | March 21, 2020

(I work in a call centre for a mobile phone network. I hate it. It is a monotonous, dead-end job with no discretion. I find it frustrating. One day, a Samsung rep from a phone manufacturer comes to train us on their new products. For some reason, I give him a hard time.)

Me: *entering the classroom* “Annyeonghaseyo!”

Trainer: “Pardon?”

Me: “That’s Korean for ‘hello.’”

(His employer is Korean. The class sits down. Later…)

Trainer: “I want to start with a quiz. Does anyone know when Samsung was founded?”

(I raise my hand; the trainer points. I recently read the Wikipedia article.)

Me: “1937.”

Trainer: “Well done. Does anyone know what it was founded as?” *I raise my hand* “Anyone else?” *points* “You again?”

Me: “A grocery store.”

Trainer: “Well done again. What does ‘Samsung’ mean in Korean?”

Me: *without raising hand* “Three stars.”

Trainer: “Well done…”

(The quiz continues. Out of 20 classmates, I am the only person to get a single question right. Later, he is explaining a new feature. Without warning and mid-sentence, I interject.)

Me: “What are you going to do about the argument that a Samsung S4 is just a backward iPhone?”

Trainer: *speechless*

My Manager: *shocked* “Hey, [My Name]! Give him a break!”

(My classmates don’t know what has happened. The trainer is bewildered. The only person who knows what happened is my manager, who is well used to my antics. At the time, the market is dominated by the Apple iPhone 4S and the Samsung S3. Samsung is developing the Samsung S4, hotly anticipated by analysts. I am implying that Samsung copied the name of Apple iPhone 4S, except backward. Later, when leaving…)

Me: “Kamsamnida!”

Trainer: *confused*

Me: “That’s Korean for ‘thank you.’”

(They didn’t put me into any more training with manufacturers after that. I left shortly.)

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The Telephone Line Is A Hard Border

, , , , | Right | February 12, 2020

Me: “Can you bring photo ID, like a passport, to one of our stores?”

Customer: “I know; I’ll email you a copy of my passport.”

Me: “There are two problems with that. Number one, I can’t receive emails, let alone attachments. Second, I can’t see you down the telephone line.”

Customer: “Fair point.”

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Getting That To Fit Is A Pipe Dream

, , , , , | Working | October 29, 2019

(The waste pipe under my sink is leaking, so I need a component to join two pipes. It is hard to find what I need because the pipes are weird sizes. So, I go to a specialist plumbing store.)

Me: “I need a reducer to go from 36mm to 40mm.”

Cashier: “Huh? They don’t make them that size. We have a 32mm and 40mm if you like?”

Me: “No, that won’t fit. Have you a tape measure?”

Cashier: “Here you go. Come round the back and I’ll show you the reducers we have.”

Me: *starts measuring my pipes to check the sizes*

Cashier: “Look, I’ve been in the business 35 years. They just don’t make pipes in that size.”

Me: “All right, show me.”

Cashier: “Anyway, you shouldn’t go by measuring them with a tape measure.”

Me: *thinking* “Are you serious?”

(We go into the warehouse.)

Cashier: “This is what you need. This will go from 40mm to 32mm.”

Me: “Here are my pipes. Show me.”

(He tries. Of course, the 40mm fits. The 36mm doesn’t.)

Cashier: “Huh? Let’s try… Something’s not right here. That should fit in… How about [useless component #2]?”

Me: “Sir, I never questioned your experience. However, your experience doesn’t change the size of the pipes in my house. As I explained, my pipes are 40mm and 36mm across the inside diameter. See for yourself; here is your tape measure. Can you sell me something which will connect these two, or not? Or can you suggest a workaround?”

Cashier: “I think I have a 38mm to 38mm upstairs. It might fit if we force it.”

Me: “Go and get it.”

(We try and force it on. The fit isn’t perfect, but it works.)

Me: “Close enough; it will do. How much?”

Cashier: “£1.60, please.”

(My sink waste is no longer leaking.)

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