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The Chosen One Has Chosen You

, , , | Right | September 23, 2021

I work for a huge company that operates in a variety of fields, including running hotels. I, however, work at a law office. The phone rings and I answer.

Me: “[My Name] at [Law Office].”

Customer: “Hi, I would like to book a standard room with a queen-sized bed for the upcoming weekend.”

Me: “I’m afraid you have the wrong number. This is a law office.”

Customer: “No! I’m looking at the Internet and this is the number!”

Me: “Not to worry. It’s a common mistake. We are a part of [Company Group], as are the hotels you are probably looking for. The phone numbers are quite similar. Have a nice—”

Customer: “You’re not going to hang up, are you?! What kind of customer service is this? Why, I never!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I just can’t help you any further. You need to call the hotel to book a room. Bye.”

I hang up, but the phone rings again almost immediately.

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “How dare you hang up on me?! I need to book this room now. I’m going to the wedding of [Person #1] and [Person #2]. They can have only ten people attending because of the health restrictions and I am one of the chosen ones!”

Apparently, the wedding is for some celebrities, as she assumes I would know the names. I’ve never heard of these people but am also honored to speak with “the chosen one.” For some reason, I start to feel a little sorry for her. She is annoying and demanding sure, but she’s also clearly confused.

Me: “Okay. Let me see what I can do for you.”

I go to the website of the hotel chain.

Me: “Which of our hotels would be the best for you? We have six in total in the central area of Helsinki.”

Customer: “The one I called, obviously!”

Me: “We have a shared booking number. Please, just state the name of the hotel.”

Customer: “Well, actually, I’m not sure which one would be the best. Can you recommend the nicest for me?”

We spend about twenty minutes on the phone comparing the hotels and she finally chooses one. I go to the booking section of the website, get her details, and book a standard room with a queen-sized bed for her.

Me: “…and we are all done. I hope you have a wonderful stay at [Hotel] and hopefully all goes well at the wedding.”

Customer: “Thank you so much! Sorry I was rude in the beginning! I’m just so nervous to be one of the chosen for such an event. Sorry again. Have a nice day.”

Me: “Not a problem at all. Bye!”

The Return Of Mozzarella Filofax

, , , , | Right | December 11, 2020

I work for a software company in customer support. We’ve encountered a rare fault that customers are reporting and we already have a clue what might be the reason, but we haven’t yet quite cracked the problem. I’m chatting with a customer trying to get essential information from them.

Me: “Who’s your Internet provider?”

Customer: “Firefox.”

Me: “That’s good that you’re using Firefox; that’s our recommended browser. Can you tell me which company provides your Internet connection?”

Customer: “Mozilla.”

Me: “Okay, good. Do you have your Internet connection with [Company #1], [Company #2], [Company #3], or maybe with some other company?”

Customer: “I don’t know why you’re asking all these questions from me!”

Me: “I’m sorry if I’ve been unclear. The issue you’re experiencing seems to be related to certain Internet providers and we’re trying to gather information so we can pinpoint exactly where the problem is and fix it. In order to do that, it would be really helpful if you could let me know your Internet provider.”

Customer: “I’ve told you already, it’s Firefox! I don’t know why you’re making this so hard. I just want this thing to work! Make it work!”

Related:
Not Quite As Fast As A Fox In A Fire

You Say Tomato, I Say Liar

, , , | Right | May 14, 2020

The customer comes to my register, places her purchases on the lane, and shows me a plastic case of cherry tomatoes.

Customer: “I just noticed one of these tomatoes has gone bad. Could I get a discount?”

Me: “Unless that’s the only case of tomatoes left, I’m sorry, but I can’t. Would you like to go get a new case?”

Customer: “Oh, no, I’m in too much hurry! Are you sure you can’t do anything?”

Me: “I’m sorry. I’m not even authorized to give discounts. I’d have to phone someone who’d just tell you to get a new box.”

Customer: “That won’t do. I don’t want them, then. I just don’t have time.”

The customer didn’t buy the cherry tomatoes. I rang her through extra fast, seeing as she seemed to be very busy. After the customer paid, I noticed her staying around for at least fifteen minutes, happily chatting with someone, before leaving.

There’s No Place Like Home, Motherf*****s!

, , , , | Related | February 1, 2020

(The little sister mentioned in this story isn’t actually our sister, but my brother’s friend, who has been basically adopted by my family since we’ve known her for most of our lives and my mother has treated her like her own for a long time. My youngest brother lives in England and my older sister in California. My second brother is also considering moving. Our family is from Finland.)

Little Sister: “I thought of applying to [French University] after I finish my current degree.”

Little Brother: “I thought you wanted to get into [University near her].”

Little Sister: “Yeah, I did, but Dad will have peacekeeping responsibilities for at least eight years, you don’t live here, [Sister] doesn’t live here, [Older Brother] doesn’t want to live here… I have no family members here and it just feels wrong.”

(Yup, that’s how she said it.)

Me: “Okay, don’t get me wrong; I support your decision, no matter what it is. But could you, my dearest siblings, please stop solving all of your problems with moving out of the country?”

Little Sister: “Okay, first of all, adopted, so I don’t count, and therefore, I do whatever I want. Au revoir, motherf*****s.”

The Year Ended With A Karmic Bang

, , , , , , | Legal | December 31, 2019

I am working at the main railway station in Helsinki during New Year’s night when I spot two teenagers lighting up firecrackers and throwing them onto the street where people are walking. I approach them and sternly tell them to stop as they could hurt someone.

While I approach, they are still lighting one up. They throw it without looking, and where else would it land but next to a police car that has just arrived on patrol?

I leave the kids to discuss their actions with the police.