You Can Tell From My (Dial) Tone That I Can’t Speak

, , , , | Healthy | March 25, 2019

(I am working in an ER doing office duties, including admitting walk-ins. A phone rings.)

Me: “This is [Hospital] with [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Caller: *absolute silence*

Me: “Sir or ma’am, are you unable to speak? Do you have a medical emergency?”

Caller: *still absolute silence*

(After about 60 seconds of silence, the caller hangs up. A few minutes later the phone rings again. The same thing happens again. I am getting really worried that this might be a bad emergency, like a stroke, that can leave a person without speak. I start wondering if I could communicate with the person using the phone’s dial tones and how to do it. But again, the person hangs up before I figure out a way to do it. The phone rings a third time. This time it’s the husband of a nurse, both of whom I know very well.)

Husband: “Hi, [My Name]. [Nurse] has really bad laryngitis. She can’t speak and can’t come to work today.”

Me: “Thank God. I was trying to figure out how to communicate with a person who can’t speak.”

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Unfiltered Story #137093

, , | Unfiltered | January 21, 2019

(I work for a software company. We provide document archiving services through internet and if/when customer ends the subscription they can order all the documents to be saved e.g. on a CD. This customer has done so. She calls a bit later to ask how she can search a certain document from the CD)

Customer: “I have this CD from you that has all my documents I once stored in your service. Now I need to find a certain document from here, how do I find it? There are so many documents here”
Me: “Well you need to go to your computer’s resources and use the search features your operating system has”
Customer: “But I need to find this certain document, how do I find it?”
Me: “You need to use your own computer’s search features for searching. You go to resources and type in the word you wish to search among the documents. Unfortunately I cannot give you more specific information on your computer’s search features because those can vary based on the operating system you are using and we don’t have training for that. You won’t have the search features of our service because the data is no longer on our server”
Customer: “… So…. How does my computer know what to search?”
Me: “You will choose on your resources the CD and the type in the word or words you wish to search”
Customer: “So… Do you mean that I have to put this CD into my computer first?”
Me: “…Yes, that is what I mean”
Customer: *very happily and cheerily* “Oh, good! I didn’t know where to put this CD. I was fearing that I would need some kind of special device to see the data on this CD!”

Unfiltered Story #137060

, , | Unfiltered | January 20, 2019

(I work as a customer support agent in a software company)

Customer: “I get an error message when I try to run this report”
Me: “Ok, I can help you with that. Could you tell me which browser are you using?”
Customer: “I used to have Mozzarella, but now I have Firefox”

(When I connected to her computer remotely, I found out that she used IE)

Sales Shoppers Attack In (Back)Packs

, , , , | Right | December 17, 2018

(I have gone to a sports and hiking store that has a big sale going on, and I figured they would have backpacks on sale, too. A couple of women enter the store, very fashionably dressed and looking quite out of place compared to the other customers. I overhear this conversation between them when passing them:)

Woman #1: “Hey, [Woman #2], what do you think I should buy? I just love sales!”

Woman #2: “I don’t know; just pick out something cute.”

(Most items on sale in this store can’t be described as “cute,” more like practical and comfortable, but I don’t pay any more attention to them after I have passed them. I notice a black backpack that I am looking for, the last one of that color. I examine the backpack and look at the price tag; it is quite cheap. I put it down on an empty shelf, still steadily resting my other hand on it, and flip my wallet open to check if I have enough money to buy it. Then I suddenly feel the bag being pulled away from under my hand. I look up and see one of the women from before, triumphantly holding the backpack up to check it out.)

Me: “Hey, I’m sorry, ma’am, I intend to buy that. Can I please have it back?”

Woman #1: “No! You weren’t holding on to it enough, so now it’s mine! Find another one!”

Me: “That black one is the last of its color, and I really would like to have it. I was just double-checking to see if I had enough money to buy it. And I was actually holding on to it. You snatched it out from under my hand.”

Woman #1: “Yeah, right! You’re just too poor to buy it, and you just left it there without even putting it back! You are the reason people hate working in retail because people like you never put anything back in its own place!”

(By this time she had raised her voice so much that she was drawing attention to herself from all the other customers, and I even saw a security guy on stand-by, ready to intervene. I decided to try to be firm but nice, so I wouldn’t come out looking like the crazy one.)

Me: *taking a non-menacing step forward and stretching out my hand* “Could I now please have the backpack back?”

(Even though my movement was relatively slow, the woman somehow took it as a threat and suddenly yanked me by the hair and gave me a push. I was totally unprepared for that so I crashed into a shelf, luckily not tipping it over.)

Security: “Okay, ma’am, you’re behaving in a threatening way and you attacked a customer. You need to come with me.”

Woman #1: “No! She tried to take my backpack! She probably can’t even afford it. Look at her! It’s my right to buy it!”

(She proceeded to rip down every display backpack from the shelf and tossed them on the floor. It didn’t take long for the security guy to overpower her and escort her out, while she was still screaming bloody murder.)

Woman #1: “This isn’t the end of this! I demand that I get to buy that backpack!”

(After the commotion, I got the backpack back and went to the check-out with it, where the cashier actually gave me a 30% discount on the already discounted price, to make up for the trouble I went through. I did catch a glimpse of the other woman outside the store, and she gave me an apologetic look and mouthed “sorry.” Well, the main thing is that I got my backpack, even though the process wasn’t exactly drama-free. Considering that the woman didn’t even know what she was going to buy when entering the store, she sure made up her mind in the end!)

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Let’s Finnish While We’re Ahead

, , , , | Right | September 4, 2018

(I’m the stupid customer here. I’m a Dutch tourist in Helsinki, having a particular nasty vacation due to not picking the right travelling companions. I’m at a kiosk looking at some souvenirs. I decide on a patch that says, “I love Finland,” and bring it to the counter. Because of my current situation, I’m very tired and quite grumpy. The clerk gives me my price, which I don’t pay attention to because he probably says it in Finnish, so I read it off the screen. I give him the money, and he says something else.)

Me: *low-key annoyed* “Sorry, I don’t speak Finnish”

Clerk: “Was that all today?”

Me: “I told you I don’t…” *suddenly clicks that he spoke English this whole time* “Oh… I’m so sorry!”

Clerk: *smiles* “Long day?”

Me: “Let’s keep it at that.”

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