Unfiltered Story #159113

, , | Unfiltered | July 26, 2019

(I work in a small photo studio for new born babies and toddlers. On this particular day, we had just opened up the new studio, and were having a sort of ‘grand opening’ celebration that was open to the public. We had displays and food set out for any visitors- and any visitors that came usually had children with them, as they are what our business is centred around. I had been filing loose order forms in the office when my boss ran in from the studio.)

Boss: Quick! Where’s my camera?

Coworker: (Handing her the camera bag) Here! What’s happening?

Boss: I need to take a picture of the cake!

(We had a cake set out with the company name on it, and little decorative flowers all over. It was quite pretty.)

Coworker: But… We’ve only just opened up and there’s more displays to build. Weren’t you going to photograph it later?

Boss: Yes, but a woman just came in and asked for some cake.

(A woman from one of the other businesses in the village had walked in, asked for cake, and stood in absolute silence in the studio as she ate it, then immediately left. We still laugh about it now!)

It’s Their First Time Or It’s Going To Be A Big Baby

, , , , , | Healthy | May 13, 2019

Several years ago I had a summer job working as a clerical officer in an NHS Hospital. One of my reception duties involved checking patients into the antenatal clinics. The receptionist explained to me that when patients arrived for the clinic I had to take their name, and if it was their first appointment, I had to write “no file” on their letter and bring it down to the nursing station. Women who had previously been to the clinic did have a file, so I had to pull out their file, check their details were correct, and bring the file down to the nursing station.

The receptionist showed me how to do the first few arrivals and then said I could take over. The next patient arrived for her antenatal appointment. I smiled at her and her husband, greeted them warmly, and the woman handed me her appointment letter. “Okay, Mrs. [Patient],” I said, trying to appear professional. “Is this your first appointment?”

The woman looked surprised and glanced down at her belly. “No…” she said. She was quite large by this stage! Her husband just smiled, clearly amused. “Oh… Sorry!” I stammered, then retrieved her file, checked her details, and asked her to take a seat in the waiting area. As she and her husband walked off, the receptionist leaned over to me. “Yeah, it’ll be obvious to you if it’s their first appointment!” she said, smiling. I apologised again, but the receptionist told me not to worry, as we all make mistakes!

The receptionist went on holiday, and I managed to cover reception surprisingly well. And during the next three antenatal clinics, I never again made the mistake of asking a woman obviously in advanced stages of pregnancy if it was her first appointment!

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Signing In A Scottish Accent

, , , , , , | Learning | March 20, 2019

(I have Asperger’s Syndrome. I often feel like I don’t “fit in” because relating to people is challenging for me. However, I’ve started learning British Sign Language, and I love it. It is literal, logical, and has grey areas. Deaf people are very direct, too. I also have a photographic memory, which I haven’t found to be much use… until now. I learn new signs extremely fast. Even my deaf teacher struggles to keep pace. In class, we are learning about countries. This roleplay happens in front of the class, in BSL.)

Classmate #1: “Where are you going on holiday?”

Me: “New Scotland.”

Classmate #1: “What?”

Me: *slowly in BSL and English* “New Scotland, Canada: Nova Scotia.”

Classmate #1: *confused*

Teacher: “If you want to say two countries, you need to say, ‘and.’ Scotland A-N-D Canada.”

Classmate #2: *in English and BSL* “He didn’t say Scotland; I think he means New England and Canada.”

(I am extremely confused. The signs for England and Scotland are very different and unmistakable. I have no idea where she got “New England” from. As for my teacher, he didn’t have a clear view, and missed the sign “new.” He thinks I mean Scotland and Canada. I can’t get it across in BSL, so I resort to English.)

Me: “No, I signed literally, ‘New Scotland.’ That means Nova Scotia in Canada, which is Latin for ‘New Scotland.’ In most languages, including BSL, Nova Scotia is translated literally. I saw it last week from an interpreter on TV.”

Teacher: “Oh. Nothing wrong with the sign, but maybe we’ll keep it at the right level for the exam?”

(I continue to learn BSL extremely fast. One day I hope to qualify as an interpreter.)

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Unfiltered Story #141279

, , | Unfiltered | February 21, 2019

(This has actually happened to me a couple of times, because of my accent, some people mistake me for being American, which isn’t a bad thing when you listen to the accent of my hometown, one day there was a gentleman who came into the store buying a Chromecast)

Customer: So how are you enjoying Northern Ireland?

Me: Pardon?

Customer: It must be interesting for someone from America to visit Londonderry

Me: Um, I’m not really American sir

Customer: Are you not? Where are you from then, Canada? Canada is a lovely place isn’t it?

Me: Oh I’m not from Canada either sir

Customer: Really? Where are you from?

Me: Londonderry

Customer: Oh…really? Did you move here?

Me: No, born and raised in Londonderry

Customer: Oh

Me: Have a nice day

(Customer leaves the store)

Manager: You know you should just say your from America just for fun

Me: Nah

Cat Caught Your Offending Tongue

, , , | Legal | January 20, 2019

(Children have been throwing stones at my friend’s house for years. My friend, who is disabled and has intellectual difficulties, is terrified. He calls the police. A cop is taking a witness statement from me, as I witnessed the most recent attack. Law enforcement is an extremely dangerous job here; police officers look under their car for a bomb every morning. I am EXTREMELY respectful and do what I can to lighten their day.)

Cop: “The second attack was at 1430. What happened then?”

Me: “I went outside, saw five kids, and told them to stop throwing stones because [Friend] was very scared.”

Cop: “Did you recognise any of them?”

Me: *addressing him by his rank* “No, constable. I have Asperger Syndrome and I’m face-blind. I have extreme difficulty recognising people.”

Cop: “Can you say what age they are?”

Me: “Same problem, sir. Between seven and fourteen? Hey, there’s [Friend]’s cat, Marty. He could give you better evidence.”

Cop: *grinning* “Perhaps, but I’m not sure a cat makes a competent witness.”

Me: “Did you know police in Wales tried to prosecute a guy for murder on the grounds that he confessed to his cat?”

Cop: “What?”

Me: “They had bugged his flat, and found he talked to his cat a lot. Apparently, he told the cat he killed the guy. Really, I studied law.”

Cop: *laughter* “So, anyway…”

(He talked to the other kids, who quickly turned in the culprit. He will be dealt with!)

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