Ballymena is a town in Northern Ireland known for its very strong accent. It can’t really be described in writing. Stress can be moved to odd syllables. Words get cut off before they are completed. It can be incomprehensible even to visitors from nearby towns.

This story comes from friends of my family. They were Christian missionaries in Western Africa for many years. During a visit back home, they brought friends they had made in Africa. A farmer who had supported their missionary work invited the whole party to Sunday lunch. He lived just outside Ballymena.

This was a religious household, so everyone sat down to eat and closed their eyes while the farmer prayed. In this gloriously strong local brogue, he blessed the food and thanked his wife for making it.

On the way home, their African visitors said this:

Visitors: “It was wonderful to hear the farmer pray in his native language! I thought you only had English!”

The missionaries then explained that it was, in fact, English — although, like the Africans, they sometimes did not realise it, either!

Reading this story reminded me of a time when I lost my own keys.

I was in my first year at university, living in self-catering shared accommodation. At my university, there were no classes on a Wednesday afternoon and I was determined to spend my free afternoon being lazy. I came back to the accommodation, dropped my bag off in my room, and went upstairs to the kitchen to make some lunch.

With lunch out of the way, I came back downstairs, unlocked my room, and went inside. I sorted a couple of things out, went to lock the door, and realised that I couldn’t find my keys. I checked my bag, but they weren’t there. I looked on my bed and under it, but they weren’t there, either. Frantically, I turned the place upside down, throwing clothes, books, and other things into the centre of the room. My keys were nowhere to be found!

Panicking now, I phoned my mum. I’m not sure how I thought phoning my mum would help since I was in Belfast and she was two hours away and didn’t even have a spare key for my room, but I phoned her.

Me: *Panicking* “Mum! I’ve lost my keys!”

My mum was level-headed as always.

Mum: “Calm down. Where are you?”

Me: “I’m in my room.”

Mum: “You must’ve had your keys to get into your room. Try looking in cupboards and under your bed.”

Me: “I’ve done that! But I didn’t…”

I trailed off because I’d just looked down. There, in my left hand, where they’d been the whole time, were my keys!

Me: “I’ve found them.”

Mum: “Oh, good! Where were they?”

Me: “In my hand. I’m an idiot, aren’t I?”

My mum laughed and assured me that things like this happened and it was part of adulthood. I hung up the phone and tidied my room.

Years later, I look back on this incident and laugh, and now I have a good story to tell anyone who’s embarrassed because they’ve lost their keys!

Related:
The Key To Getting Your Lost Property Back

I once worked for a company as an IT technician. One morning, I got a call from one of our finance clerks, a lady who was pleasant enough to be around in social situations but became a little demanding when it came to IT-related matters.

Her phoning me up in itself was an IT no-no; users were supposed to use the IT self-service portal to log tickets, but that’s another story for another day. She described a relatively common issue with a relatively common piece of software — at least in our office environment.

I’d worked enough with this piece of software to know that the issue she was describing would be resolved quickly and easily.

Me: “That’s a simple fix. You just need to restart the computer.”

Clerk: “I’ve already restarted the computer. I’ve restarted it twice, in fact.”

I knew this to be false.

Me: “Can I restart it again for you?”

Clerk: “I don’t want you to do that because I’ve already done it twice.”

I remotely accessed her PC anyway and went to “Restart”.

Me: “Call me back if you still have the problem after this restart.”

She never called me back.

Related:
The Error Here Was Believing Them When They Said There Was No Error Message

A few years ago, I was hired at a large grocery store in the deli department. I was only a part-timer, but the established staff there were so welcoming and friendly, and I fit right in with my new team of coworkers. 

One afternoon, when we were quite busy, I had a customer come up to our deli counter. She was well-dressed and maybe in her fifties. I immediately went over to serve her.

Me: “Hello! What can I get for you?”

Customer: “Oh, it’s fine, honey. I don’t need anything. I just need to tell [Supervisor] that I am here and going into the restroom for a couple of minutes. Could you let her know as soon as possible, please? It is very important!” 

I was totally baffled as to why she needed my supervisor to know this.

Me: “Um… sure, I will tell her right now.” 

The lady headed for the customer toilets. 

[Supervisor] was busy with a customer, but I dutifully and politely interrupted, still baffled.

Me: “Sorry, [Supervisor], but there was a lady here just a moment ago who said it was extremely important to let you know that she has gone to use the restroom.”

Supervisor: “Great, [My Name]. Thank you for letting me know.”

She gave me no further explanation, and we went about our jobs. 

A couple of days later, the lady customer once more came to our counter. This time, she spoke to my coworker who had worked here much longer than me. I overheard their interaction.

Customer: “Oh, hey there, [Coworker]. Just letting you know ‘The Usual’.” *Smiles* “Make sure you tell [Supervisor]?” 

Coworker: “Of course, Mrs. [Customer]. I will let her know right now.” 

The lady headed for the restrooms again. 

I am sure I had a completely puzzled expression on my face, but we suddenly got a huge crowd all wanting our hot lunches, so I again put it out of my mind.

Much later, as we were beginning our closing procedures and cleaning and restocking, I suddenly remembered the customer’s strange request. Both [Coworker] and [Supervisor] were helping me clean. 

Me: “Um… guys, I know I haven’t worked here long, and you both have said that if I have any questions to never be afraid to ask, so umm… can someone please explain what happened earlier and also a few days ago? The nice lady who likes to announce to us that she needs the restroom? What is that all about?” 

Coworker: *Laughing* “I knew that was eating you up, [My Name]! Took you long enough to ask!” 

Supervisor: *Smiling* Yeah, [My Name]. We knew the curiosity was killing you there!”

They shared a smile, and then [Supervisor] explained. It seems that the customer suffers from epilepsy. She has just moved to the area and found herself shopping in our store for the first time a few months back. She felt a bit off, suspicious that she had an attack coming on. Not knowing anyone in the area or the store, she took herself off to the restroom hoping to have privacy if she did have an attack. The restroom was empty, and she had no sooner entered than she fell to the floor in a fit and banged her head on a sink on the way to the floor.

[Supervisor] happened to be on her way to the restrooms as it was her turn to clean them. She found [Customer], and as she had once been a nurse, she did her best to make [Customer] comfortable and called for an ambulance. She stayed with that lady while she came around and reassured her that she would be fine and that it was no trouble. [Supervisor] even accompanied [Customer] to the hospital, stayed with her, and made sure she got home safe once she was released.

The two had since become friends. A little arrangement they had come up with was that if [Customer] was shopping and needed the restroom, she always notified [Supervisor] in case the worst happened and it happened again, maybe being alone in the restroom and undiscovered for a while. She always let [Supervisor] know so that if she was gone longer than usual, [Supervisor] would check on her. The restroom is literally right beside our deli counter. 

Thankfully, it has never happened again since, and now that I have been let in on the little secret and also have done First Aid courses in the past, [Customer] is quite happy if I am the one to check on her if she is gone longer than usual. 

I loved that job and my amazing, caring team of coworkers, and I was sad when I left eventually for a job closer to home. I was presented with a lovely bunch of flowers at the end of my last day, and Mrs. [Customer] even came in to give me a big hug and a box of chocolates with a gorgeous “Thank You” card.

Best. Job. Ever.

I get a call from a customer having a software issue. It’s a known issue, and in all honesty, it’s solved by simply logging out and logging back in again. I advise them to try this, but even that seems to be too much effort for them.

Caller: “Can you push the big button or something?”

Me: “Excuse me, but what button?”

Caller: “The button you press to make the problems go away!”

Me: “I don’t have a button that can do that, sir, but I can help you solve the issue. First, you’ll need to log out and then log back in again so we can make sure it’s not a more complicated issue.”

Caller: “Are you sure you can’t just push the button?”

Me: “No, sir.”

Caller: “Hmph. Fine, let’s try it that way first.”

I hear the computer going through the log out sounds, and then he logs back in again.

Caller: “Oh, wow! It’s working again!”

Me: “Yes, sir! I suspected that would solve it.”

Caller: “You pressed the button, didn’t you?”

Me: “No, sir. It was simply a case of—”

Caller: “Why are you lying about the button?! Put me through to your supervisor! I want to tell them that you’re keeping the button all to yourself!”

Seriously, I can’t win…