Unfiltered Story #120915

, , , | Unfiltered | September 12, 2018

(I am with my family for a weekend to celebrate my dad’s birthday. We decide to do a guided tour of a popular tourist attraction. My wife works there but today is her day off. We arrive for the tour and meet the guide, who obviously knows my wife.)

My Wife: *to tour guide* “Hello [guide]!”

Guide: *to my wife* “Hi [Wife]! You’re here with your family then?”

My Wife: “Yes, these are my parents-in-law:” *gestures to my parents* “And this is my husband [My Name].” *gestures to me*

Guide: “Oh hello [My Name]! [Wife] has told me a lot about you!”

Me: “Oh really? Has it all been good? Because if it’s been all good, then it’s all lies!”

(The guide laughs and my wife rolls her eyes.)

My wife (to tour guide): Don’t worry, if he gets annoying just leave him somewhere! *she and the guide both laugh*

Me (to my wife): Hey, come on! You’ve been trying that for 5 years now and it NEVER works! *laughing now too*

My dad: Yeah well, she’s not trying hard enough!

We all laugh. I love my family!

The Transaction Dipped But It’s Getting Better

, , , , | Right | July 10, 2018

(I am the stupid customer in this one. On my way home from driving my wife to work, I decide to stop for food at a well-known international restaurant chain.)

Cashier: *to me as I look at the menu* “Hi there. What can I get you?”

Me: “Hi… um… Could I get a…” *glancing at menu* “…[Meal that comes with a choice of dip], please?”

Cashier: “Large?”

Me: “Please.”

Cashier: “Which drink would you like?”

Me: “Could I have a [Drink], please?”

Cashier: “And which dip?”

Me: “That’s a [Drink].”

Cashier: “Pardon? Which dip, sir?”

Me: “Oh! Sorry! I thought you said drink! Uh, no dip, please.”

(The cashier types in my order and I grin at what just happened.)

Cashier: “That’s [price], sir.”

(I reach into my pocket and get out the money.)

Me: “Wouldn’t taste nice if I dipped my food in [Drink], now, would it?”

Cashier: *laughing* “Not really, no!”

Me: “It would be a bit soggy!”

Cashier: *laughing still* “Yes, it would!”

Me: “I’ve made your day now, haven’t I?”

Cashier: “Yes, sir!” *she smiles*

Me: “Better than people coming in here swearing at you!”

Cashier: “Oh, totally!”

(I ate my meal and DIDN’T dip any of it in my drink! My head must have been elsewhere when she took my order. Still, I’m glad I could brighten up her day!)

Wants Their Meal Souped Up

, , , | Right | June 22, 2018

(I take a couple’s entrees to their table and let them know I’ll be back with their sides soon.)

Me: “Here are your salads and sauces.”

Customer: “Where is the rest of my meal?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “This can’t be all my food. My husband has much more food than I do.”

Me: “Well, your husband ordered surf and turf with a side of salad and fries. You’ve only asked for soup and a sandwich. Is that correct?”

Customer: “Yes. But why did he get more than me?”

(Facepalm.)

Got A Handle On This Management Thing

, , , , , | Working | June 6, 2018

(I am an IT technician. We have recently appointed a new operations manager, to whom I report directly. We also have a young man of school age in with us to get a bit of summer work experience. I have been asked to move several computers to temporarily accommodate some staff whose office is being renovated. I go with our student to collect the computers. When we arrive at the destination office, I ask the student to connect everything up while I supervise, so he can get a bit of experience. He’s working away — doing a very good job I might add — when our boss, the operations manager, walks in. We get on very well, and spend a lot of time joking around and teasing each other.)

Operations Manager: *to me* “Ah, here you are [My Name]! When you’ve finished, could you go and see [Person in another office]?”

Me: “Of course, [Operations Manager]!”

(The operations manager looks over at our student, who has finished connecting everything up and is about to switch on the computer.)

Operations Manager: *to me* “Hey, why are you making him do all the work while you just stand around?”

Me: “Because I’m training to be an IT manager!”

(The two other people in the office chuckle. My manager doesn’t say anything, just shoots me a dirty look and walks off. As he leaves, the office manager turns to me.)

Office Manager: “That was a good answer, [My Name]!”

Kindness Is Thicker Than Water

, , , , , , , , | Hopeless | May 9, 2018

It was the second to last day of a summer scheme my best friend and I were attending. That day they had a water fight. Even though there was a “ceasefire in the refill zone” rule, most people didn’t obey it. I had just got outside, the last to do so, and a boy with a bucket spotted me. He cornered me and called out to his friend, who also had a bucket, “Target practice!” And they started soaking me.

After I managed to escape, I grabbed a squirty-foam-pole-thingy and ran around hitting people with it because my water gun had very little water in it and I needed to save it for revenge on the boys — at this point, they were chasing me. Combined with my best friend giving me terrible advice, and a girl who was freaking out and splashing a hose at everyone whether they were going for her or not, I wasn’t doing very well.

When I managed to hide behind a bush to gather my bearings and re-organise myself, I spotted three people: two boys and a girl. The boy was squirting the girl, who was squirting back; however, she wasn’t trying to squirt the first boy. She was trying to squirt the boy’s friend, who had nothing and was soaking wet and cowering behind his friend. I threw my squirty-foam-pole-thingy at her to temporarily distract her and quickly scooted over and gave my water gun to the boy.

“Here. It’s not got much water left, but it’ll keep you covered for the rest of the game,” I told him, and he and his friend scooted off, quickly followed by the girl, without so much as a thank you. I picked my squirty-foam-pole-thingy back up, extended it fully, and went around beating people up for the rest of the game. I even braved the hose girl.

Later, in the car on the way home, my dad told me that I was very brave to “take a water bullet” for someone I didn’t know, and that he would have me by his side in a war any day.

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