Tried To Outfox The System

, , , , | Right | May 21, 2020

It is 2013. I work for a huge car brand that offers different user portals on their website, so as technical customer service, I deal most of all with registration problems.

Me: “Welcome to [Company] customer service. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hello, I cannot register my car at [Owner Portal]. It keeps saying my vehicle identification number is not in the system.”

Me: “Could you please tell me your vehicle identification number so I can look it up in the system? We can try to register it from here.”

The vehicle exists. I go on the website, click on the subscribe button, and enter the vehicle identification number. It works.

Me: “Sir, unfortunately, it is working in my system, so I would assume another cause of trouble. What browser are you using?”

Customer: “What? Pardon?”

Me: “Are you using Internet Explorer or Mozilla Firefox for entering the Internet?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Excuse me, sir, which of both are you using?”

Customer: “The foxy thing you mentioned… I guess.”

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Thinking He Was Home Free

, , , , | Right | May 11, 2020

In the UK, you can tell what type a phone line is by the first two digits. 01,02,03 and 08 are landline phones while 07 is always a cell phone. I work as an outgoing cold call agent in the UK where we see the phone numbers listed as we call them.

Me: “Hello, sir, I am calling from [Cell Phone Company] regarding your cell phone plan.”

Customer: “I am on pay-as-you-go; I don’t have a cell phone monthly plan.”

Me: “Yes, I noticed and you could be getting a much better deal for your cell phone.”

Customer: “I’m sorry, but I’m driving. Could you call back later?”

I take a second to look at the number I dialed before I respond.

Me: “Sir… are you telling me that you’re driving your house?”

It was an 01 house landline number. The customer paused for a couple of seconds, stuttered, and hung up.

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Providing Remote Power

, , , | Right | April 21, 2020

I am manning the shop on a busy afternoon. A customer comes in with a very dirty-looking TV remote.

Customer: “Hello, son. This remote isn’t working. Can I get a new one?”

Me: “Well, you are in luck. This remote is for a [Manufacturer] TV; we supply those, so if I phone our supplier they can probably send us one.”

The customer is obviously very pleased about this, and after phoning our supplier and arranging to get one sent down he says he will come back for it, so he leaves, giving me his phone number so I can phone him when it arrives. The remote arrives and the customer calls in, pays for it, and leaves. But he is back the next day:

Me: “Hello again!”

The customer tosses the remote and packaging down on the counter.

Customer: “That thing’s not working!”

Me: “Really? Well, it should work; it’s the correct model.”

The customer doesn’t sound angry at all.

Customer: “Could you check it out for me, please?”

Me: “Okay, no problem!”

I open the packaging and remove the instruction manual.

Customer: “It feels very light. Am I supposed to put batteries in it?”

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Who Says Video Games Aren’t Educational?

, , , , , | Related | April 1, 2020

I am a fifteen-year-old with autism so my mind works differently from others. I’m absolutely rubbish at maths and spend more time playing video games, reading, and watching “Harry Potter” and anime than I do studying or doing homework.

Me: “Last night, I got the Master Sword in Zelda!”

Mum: “Does the Master Sword help you with maths?”

Me: “Well… you need at least thirteen hearts to get the Master Sword without dying. You need four Spirit Orbs to get one Heart Container. You get one Spirit Orb per Shrine. Four times thirteen is fifty-two. I would need fifty-two Shrines to get the Master Sword.”

Later, I relay this story to one of my longest and closest friends who also has autism.

Friend: “I will never get your mind.”

Me: “One, I don’t think they were expecting that. Two, I didn’t even factor in the Heart Containers I got from Divine Beast Vah Ruta, Divine Beast Vah Naboris, and Divine Beast Vah Medoh. Zelda is educational for me.”

Friend: “I can see.”

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Having No Social Media Is Antisocial

, , , , | Working | March 2, 2020

Several years ago, I suddenly found myself unemployed — partially a relief as I’d been in a toxic work environment — and went to sign on for Jobseeker’s Allowance while I looked for work. The advisor I spoke to when signing on told me about something called “Job Club” that offered advice for jobseekers and taught skills like how to write a CV, how to sell yourself at interviews, stuff like that. He informed me that if I went to Job Club it would count as me being proactive in my job search, so I signed up and went along.

The “club” did turn out to be useful as it helped me to boost my self-confidence, but there was one little incident that irritated me just a little. We’d been talking about Facebook and the importance of maintaining a presence on social media. One of the coordinators explained that employers routinely check out job candidates on social media to see what they are like. 

I explained that I didn’t use Facebook and had no intention of doing so. The coordinator didn’t like this and told me that I was “reducing my employment prospects” if employers couldn’t check me out on Facebook before an interview. I politely informed her that I wouldn’t want to work for an employer who’d rather judge me on my Facebook profile — which admittedly would be rather boring because I don’t go to wild parties, etc. — than on my ability to do the job. The coordinator sulked and told me that I wasn’t being very proactive.

In the end, I got a rather good job doing something I loved, and I didn’t need a Facebook profile to get it.

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