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Students Don’t Hit The Books Like They Used To

, , , , , , | Right | May 18, 2011

(It is the first week of classes, so the bookstore is absolutely packed.)

Student: “Can you help me?”

Me: “Of course. What do you need?”

(The student hands me her book list.)

Student: “Find all of these for me.”


This story is part of our Libraries roundup!

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Luncheon And On And On

, , , , | Right | December 11, 2010

(I quit working at this store for seven months and then returned.)

Customer: “Oh, so how are things? I haven’t seen you for a while.”

Me: “Oh, good. Yeah, I actually haven’t worked here for the last seven months. This is my first day back.”

Customer: “Oh, I just thought you were on a lunch break or something.”


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Pride Goeth Before A Deal

, , , , , , | Right | November 9, 2010

(I work at a call center in Canada dealing with American cell customers. This is a call from a customer in Seattle.)

Me: “Hello, thanks for calling [Company]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Does your company outsource to India?”

Me: “I don’t know for sure, but I know it does hire companies out of the USA.”

Caller: “I’d like to cancel my service, then.”

Me: “I can do that for you. May I ask why you’d like to cancel?”

Caller: “I don’t support companies that don’t support America. If they’re hiring out of America, then I don’t want to support them.”

Me: “All right, I’ll process that cancellation for you.”

Caller: “Am I calling to India?!”

Me: “No. I’m actually in Canada.”

Caller: “Oh, I love Canada! I do all my shopping there. Everything is so much cheaper!”


This story is part of the Customers-Who-Can’t-Hear-Themselves roundup!

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Not Suitable For Those Who Can’t Count

, , , , , | Right | July 22, 2010

(I work at a theater, and this shift I am in the box office selling tickets. A customer approaches me who has just gotten out of a movie.)

Me: “Hi, what can I do for you today?”

Customer: “I would like to lodge a complaint with your manager.”

Me: “She isn’t actually working today, sorry, but if you tell me what you need to complain about, I can make sure it gets passed onto her right away.”

Customer: “I just watched The A-Team and it wasn’t at all how I thought it would be. The green people were very blurry!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but there aren’t any green people in the movie The A-Team. Are you sure you went into the right auditorium?”

Customer: “What are you talking about? There is only one auditorium in this place!”

Me: “Actually, sir, we have five auditoriums, and there are different movies playing in each of them.”

Customer: “Why didn’t you tell me that?! And why was the movie blurry?!”

Me: “Well, sir, the only movie we have that has green people in it is Shrek, and that movie is in 3D, so if you are not wearing the 3D glasses it would be very blurry.”

Customer: “Well, why didn’t you give me those glasses?”

Me: “You didn’t buy a ticket for that movie.”

Customer: “If there is only one auditorium, when does my movie play?”

Me: “Sir, your movie is over. You went into the wrong auditorium.”

Customer: “Well, that’s all your fault!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, but how is this my fault?”

Customer: “You didn’t tell me that there is more than one auditorium!”

Me: “When I sold you your ticket, I told you were in auditorium three.”

Customer: “Oh, I just thought you were stupid. So, can I have a refund?”

Another Customer In Line: “Get out of line, dumba**!”


This story is part of our 3D Movies roundup!

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A Bozo By Any Other Name, Part 2

, , , , , , , | Right | November 11, 2009

(This happened back in 2003 during the East Coast Blackout when I was a cashier at a bookstore. Although Edmonton is far from the East coast, all our debit, credit, and gift-card machines are tied into servers in Eastern Canada.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to get this book…” *passes me the book and a gift card*

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but our gift card system is down right now.”

Customer: “This is bull-s***! My kids bought this card for me yesterday, and now I can’t use it?”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, but we can put the book on hold for you.”

Customer: “This is a scam! You guys are trying to rip me off!”

Me: “Sir…”

Customer: “Don’t call me ‘sir!'”

Me: “Now, sir…”

Customer: “Don’t call me sir! Call me an a**hole, but don’t call me sir!” *stomps out of the store*