Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 22

, , , , , | Right | May 17, 2020

(I’m ringing up a customer near the end of my shift. I am very obviously pregnant and only about two weeks from my due date.)

Customer: “So, when’s the big day?”

Me: *not cluing in right away* “I’m sorry? What do you mean?”

Customer: *looking absolutely horrified* “You are pregnant, right?!”

Me: “Oh! Yes! Yes, I am! Just a couple more weeks.”

Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 21
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 20
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 19

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Shirley Likes To Have Fun Sometimes

, , , , , , | Working | May 8, 2020

I’m tee-total, but I still like to go dancing with my friends. A Shirley Temple is one of my favourite drinks, but for some reason, some bars like to add vodka or rum, without even asking me which one. Because of this, I’ve learned to be specific.

I’m also used to non-alcoholic drinks being free at the clubs we go to.

Me: “Could I please get a Shirley Temple with no alcohol?”

Bartender: “What is that?”

Me: “Just orange juice, Sprite, and grenadine.”

Bartender: “We don’t have grenadine.”

Me: “That’s okay, just orange juice and Sprite.”

She mixes a drink and sets it on the bar.

Bartender: “That’s $5.75.”

Me: “For what?”

Bartender: “For the vodka.”

She says this as if it should be obvious.

Me: “No, I wanted no alcohol. I said just orange juice and Sprite.”

Bartender: *With attitude* “You didn’t say you wanted a virgin.”

I was especially confused because not only was I certain that I had specified no alcohol, but I had actually listed the ingredients for her. A version of this was, unfortunately, a common occurrence at clubs, but this one was definitely the worst one.

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His Powers Of Deduction Don’t Suck

, , , , , | Romantic | April 27, 2020

I’m on my way out the door when my husband comes upstairs from his home office. I let him know I’m heading to the store to buy “something for the family.” It’s something I’ve researched for a couple of weeks but we’ve never actually discussed it. 

Husband: “Ooh, is it an automatic vacuum cleaner?!”

Me: “Out of everything I could buy, that’s your guess?!”

Husband: “Yep.” 

Me: *Pause* “Yes… it actually is.” 

How in the world he guessed it, I have no idea. In eight years together, I don’t think we’ve ever talked about it. It’s just something I decided on my own that would be nice to have. If only he could the guess lottery numbers that easily!

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We’re Nut Going To Do That

, , , , , , | Right | March 31, 2020

(I work at a grocery store bakery. We have a very small selection of nut-free desserts that we get in, and because we have desserts with nuts, we tell customers we can’t guarantee that any of the cakes we make won’t come into contact with nuts. Most customers are understanding about this.)

Customer: “How long in advance do I need to order a cake? And I need one nut-free.”

Me: “You need to order a cake 24 hours in advance, and we cannot guarantee our cakes have not come into contact with nuts.”

Customer: “Can’t you just have a special area for it and one person just for the cake?”

Me: “We still wouldn’t be able to guarantee it.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because we use nuts here and can’t guarantee they won’t come into contact with your cake.”

Customer: “Well, that’s stupid. [Other Grocery Store] does it for me. Aren’t you guys the same company?”

Me: “No, we aren’t. You’re thinking of [Grocery Store Company that bought out Other Grocery Store a few years back].”

Customer: “Whatever. I’ll just go to [Other Grocery Store], then.”

(I think, “Oh, good, you can be their potential lawsuit.”)

Me: “All right. Have a good night.”

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Humanity Has Forgotten How To Take Stairs

, , , , , , | Friendly | November 13, 2019

On my way back to the office after going to grab a tea and some food, I decided to take the underground route as opposed to going the outside route. I was on the escalator going down watching two ladies at the bottom. The up escalator was off for maintenance and blocked off so we were required to take the stairs.

The two women stood at the bottom looking rather confused. Finally, one of them moved forward, walked up a couple steps, stopped and looked around, and turned to the other and asked, “Why is it not moving?” Her friend, looking equally perplexed, shrugged her shoulders in response.

One of the women looked at me for a moment as I turned my gaze to the clearly out of service escalator on the other side. She followed my gaze and it suddenly dawned on her. She looked at the other woman and exclaimed, “Oh, it’s broken; that’s why it’s not moving,” and proceeded to run up the stairs. The other one looked around and said, “Well, it should be more clearly marked!”

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