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Ask Her Where The Easter Bunny Shows Up In The Bible

, , , , , , , | Working | July 6, 2022

I’m the author of this story and [Coworker] is at it again. I came into work to see small cellophane bags of chocolate eggs hanging on people’s office doors and on their desks. Notably, there wasn’t one on my desk.

An hour in, [Coworker] appeared.

Coworker: “I hope you don’t mind that I didn’t give you any Easter eggs. They’re really only for Christians.”

Me: “Ah, so you’re really representing Christian charity.”

[Coworker] bristled at that.

Coworker: “I just don’t think people like you deserve to celebrate along with us.”

Me: “Okay. Wow. But how about those guys?”

I pointed over at a couple of coworkers munching away on their chocolate.

Coworker: “Of course, they should get chocolate! They have God in their hearts!”

Me: “Mmm, no, they don’t.”

Coworker: “Yes, they do! They pray. They go to church.”

Me: “Well, they go to temple. They’re Buddhist.”

Coworker: “Whatever. At least they follow God’s teachings.”

Me: “They really don’t. They reach for enlightenment; there are no gods in Buddhism.”

Coworker: “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Me: “Okay, well, enjoy your Easter weekend.”

Coworker: “I will!”

She angrily stormed away.

Related:
Music Is Music, My Friend

A Hundred Dollars Worth Of Entitlement

, , , , , , | Right | January 18, 2022

I am selling two nightstands/end tables on a popular social media networking site, on their buy and sell section. In the price section, I put $50 (to increase interest), and in the description, along with the explanation of the condition of the tables, I say they are $50 each. I get a couple of people sending offers for both or for one, and then, one potential buyer messages me and asks if I would deliver. Usually, I don’t, but I am feeling nice, and they are located just a few minutes’ drive away from where I will be working tomorrow, so I agree and set a time with her.

The next day, I finish my job and message the buyer, telling her that I will be there in ten minutes, right on the time we’d decided yesterday. No response. I pull up to the apartment building and message her that I’m there, and she still doesn’t respond. I go up to the buzzer, and someone answers!

Buyer: “Oh, okay. Give me five minutes.”

My level of frustration rises, since we set the time yesterday, and I’m being nice enough to drive there. In the meantime, I decide to grab one of the tables and bring it to the door. When I get there, a guy is waving around a $100 bill and asks me if I have change. Confused, I confirm that he’s there for the tables (I guess he’s living with the buyer), but I say that the tables are $50 each. He tells me that the buyer is in the shower and he needs to go check with her. Sure enough, when he comes back out, he tells me that she isn’t interested.

Me: “The listing said $50 each!”

I grabbed the table and stormed off to the car. I hate people sometimes.

Picture Being This Annoying

, , , , , , | Working | November 1, 2021

I am a photographer who happens to be female. I am contracted out by a company to different dealerships to take pictures of vehicles for sale for their online inventory. I’ve gotten my fair share of comments from various men out in the lots — most commonly, “Need a model?” Gag!

At one dealership, I notice I am sometimes approached by one salesman in particular. 

One day, I am working on photographing the exterior of a vehicle, and I see that salesman driving a car, which he eventually drives past me. When he sees me, he excitedly takes out his iPhone and holds it up, pretending to take a picture. Hilarious.

Later on, I am taking pictures of the interior of a vehicle when I am startled by a knock on the window. When I look up, surprise, surprise, it’s him. He’s holding up his iPhone again, and it’s pressed against the car window. I roll my window down a little and he says something along the lines of, “Thanks for the lesson!” Again, incredibly funny. I make a sort of forced chuckle that sounds so fake I can hardly convince myself.

A couple of weeks later, I am back working at the dealership. I am shooting the outside of a vehicle when the same salesman shows up. I barely see him out of the corner of my eye, and my back is toward him since I am walking toward the vehicle to open the door to access a control inside. He continues walking toward me, and the vehicle, saying, “Oh, wait a minute!” in a “funny” way, with his iPhone out again.

I mostly ignore him and open the door. When he passes by me, he sees that I’m not amused, and says, “I can tell you’re sick of me. I’ll leave you alone.”

Riiight. Dude, you don’t get to try and guilt me into not being amused by your stupid comments. I’m just trying to work in peace, and it’s honestly so annoying — and frankly disrespectful — to be distracted. Plus, how’d he feel if I walked by if he was with customers and made comments? My time is no less valuable than his!

So Much For Being Early

, , , , , | Working | September 16, 2021

I place an order online for a salad and wrap place. The earliest option is for twenty minutes later, but I go in early anyway in case they are also early. I walk straight into the “online pickup” area. An employee barely glances up since they are clearly busy making and boxing up orders.

The people who come in around the same time as me, but who order normally at the counter, start picking up their food as the employees call out that orders are ready. I figure they will call mine when it’s ready, so I continue to wait patiently. The rush finishes fifteen minutes after I came in, and I am the only one left in the restaurant. Finally, a different employee from the one I saw making food calls out to me.

Employee: “Are you picking something up?”

Me: “Yeah, an online order for [My Name].”

The employee reaches for an already wrapped-up box.

Employee: “Oh!”

Me: “Was it ready that whole time?!”

Employee: “Yes, just say something next time!”

I almost replied that no one had even acknowledged me when I came right to the pickup area, and that I didn’t want to bother the busy employee, so maybe this is a NAR!

Feel Sorry For The Chicken Blobs She Had Growing Up

, , , , , | Right | July 13, 2021

I work in a deli that also serves hot, ready-to-eat food like chicken wings, rib tips, potato wedges, and whole rotisserie chicken. A woman comes up to our hot case and waves me over.

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I was just wondering, are there bones in these rib tips?”

Me: “Yes, there are.”

Customer: “Oh, well, what about the chicken wings?”

Me: “Those have bones, too.”

Customer: *Looks disgusted* “I don’t want any food with bones in it. I’ll just get a rotisserie chicken.”

Me: *Confused at the stupidity* “You want a whole rotisserie chicken?”

Customer: “Yes! How hard is that to understand? I just want a chicken because all your other food has bones!”

Me: “All right.” *Packages and gives her a chicken* “Enjoy!”

I can’t help but wish I could’ve seen her face when she got home and found there were bones in her whole rotisserie chicken.