Moving Out Of This House Will Be A Christmas Miracle

| England, UK | Working | December 23, 2016

(We are in the process of selling a house. The buyers got a great deal and seem really enthusiastic. It quickly turns into a pain when they take forever to action anything, and keep asking stupid question. Their solicitor is no better. I am copied in on these emails.)

Buyer Solicitor: “Hi, could we have a copy of the water bill?”

My Solicitor: “These were sent over a month ago.”

Buyer Solicitor: “No, the actual paper copy.”

My Solicitor: “As explained in the email, no paper bills are received, only online. That was what we provided, last month.”

Buyer Solicitor: “Hmm, well, ok. We need the warranty pack.”

My Solicitor: “Again, last month, we explained that there is no paper copy. Please ring [number] and they will provide one for you.”

Buyer Solicitor: “Okay, thanks.”

(Two weeks later, we are running out of time.)

Buyer Solicitor: “Hi, I’m going to need the warranty pack.”

My Solicitor: “As explained two weeks ago and six weeks ago, the paper version is no longer available. Please ring [number] and request one.”

Buyer Solicitor: “No, that will cost my clients [small amount of money]. You will have to pay.”

My Solicitor: “Fine, there will be money set aside for you on exchange.”

(Another week later, and now the sale is hanging by a thread.)

Buyer Solicitor: “We need the warranty pack.”

My Solicitor: “This has all been covered. We are running out of time! What exactly is wrong with the information provided?”

(Three days later.)

Buyer Solicitor: “Oh, we want it before we sign.”

(Everything is going wrong. The people we are working for have been patient, but are threatening to pull out. This constant change of request means we have only a few days left. I rush around and get the pack. It took all of a few minutes to do, something they could have done easily. Quickly, I send it over.)

My Solicitor: “We have provided everything you asked for. Will you now sign?”

(A whole day later and several emails.)

Buyer Solicitor: “No, my clients have said that the whole process has taken too long, and they are pulling out.”

(Months of waiting…. Because of them, four families with Christmas ruined, living in boxes. And they complained that it took too long! )

The Rent Isn’t The Only Thing That Will Be High

| Vienna, Austria | Working | January 6, 2016

(I’m showing a high-end inner city commercial space with an outside area to potential renters, both solemn businessmen in their 50s or 60s.)

Me: “This is the garden. For a restaurant, this could become an herb garden or the perfect pool party bar place. Or for a museum or art gallery, an exciting garden of sculptures. And if you want to use the inside premises just as offices, you could grow your own hemp plantation here to be able to afford the rent.”

The House Doesn’t Win

| England, UK | Working | November 27, 2015

(I’m selling my house. When you arrange these with estate agents they are very keen to show you what houses they have to sell, as they would make more money.)

Estate Agent: “So where are you looking to buy?”

Me: “It is in [Area]. I have seen some great properties there already. We are looking for…” *I give him the house specifics*

Estate Agent: “That’s great. I think we have a house that would be suitable for you. What is your budget?”

Me: “Well, it is £190,000.”

Estate Agent: “Okay, so, is that the maximum you can pay?”

Me: *hesitantly* “Well, I suppose we could stretch to £200,000 if you found me the right house, but 190 is where we want to be. I have met with my bank and mortgage advisors, and have set budgets around this. 190 is ideal.”

Estate Agent: “Okay. I’m going to send you the details of a house. Take a look. It is slightly over budget but it looks great.”

(He later sends me the details. The house is nothing special but it is £45,000 over what I had stated. Annoyed that the agent didn’t bother to listen to me, I delete the email and forget about it. Later that week, I get another phone call.)

Estate Agent: “Hi, it’s [Estate Agent] from [Agency]. What did you think about the property I sent you?”

Me: “To be honest, it’s far too expensive. There are several properties available in the area all for less money. And I note that the owners will not take any offers.”

Estate Agent: *seemingly ignoring me* “Well, it is a great house, and if you come in and see our mortgage advisor maybe she can help you borrow more money.” *again a trick to earn them more money from a sale*

Me: “To be honest, I have already looked into this and that won’t be necessary. I know the repayments and 190 is affordable for us.”

Estate Agent: “I’m going to look at time slots for you with our advisor anyway. You might find it really helpful to speak with her, and I’m sure she can get you that extra money.

Me: “No! Thank you! I have an advisor and I don’t need the advice. 190 is our price and I would like to stick to it.”

Estate Agent: “Are you sure? The house is a great property!”

Me: “I will be perfectly clear with you. The house, in my opinion is massively overpriced. I have seen three other houses that offer more for less money. I don’t want to get into debt we cannot afford for a mediocre house!”

Estate Agent: *shocked* “Oh, okay. Well, I think you are missing out. But let me send you other properties we have.”

(I did receive details of other properties, all over budget, and very few actually met our brief. I kept getting calls about houses in the wrong area and completely unsuitable for us. I eventually found a great property that we liked marketed by someone else. When the first agent found out, they had the cheek to ask if they could contact the owner (so they could make money on that as well).)

A Real Live Christmas Tree

| MD, USA | Working | December 27, 2014

(I am an employee at this office. One day I walk in to see the receptionist taking wire cutters to an unassembled Christmas tree.)

Me: “Hey, [Receptionist]. What are you doing?”

Receptionist: “The lights burnt out so I’m cutting them off and will string some new ones on.”

Me: “Can’t you just replace the bulbs?”

Receptionist: *looking at me perplexed* “I don’t know.”

(I reach over, and pull one of the lights out of the socket and show him.)

Me: “Yup! You can!”

Receptionist: “Oh. Um… Well, I’ve already been cutting them off”

Me: “Are you going to cut and remove the power cord?”

Receptionist: “No. We want it to still turn, I think.”

Me: “That would be a fire and shock hazard to have all those open wires. What if someone touches one?”

Receptionist: “Oh… well. I’ll have to ask [Boss who knows nothing about technology].”

(Last I knew they were still going to put it up and plug it in. Here’s hoping no one touched it!)

Making A Song And Dance About Rent

| NSW, Australia | Working | September 25, 2014

(I’m a university student. I am out of town to stay with family for a few weeks, and my house that I rent was sold from a previous owner to a real estate firm, where I now need to pay my rent. Because I’ve been out of town, I didn’t get a letter from them and I was a few weeks behind on rent, so they called me.)

Realty: “Hello? Is this [My Name]?”

Me: “It certainly is! How can I help you?”

Realty: “You need to give us three weeks of rent NOW!”

Me: “Um, excuse me? I was told I’d be contacted regarding my new rent agreement…”

Realty: “Didn’t you get a letter?! We need the money now!”

(It turns out my housemate didn’t tell me about the letter either, so I was in the wrong there and agreed to pay the missing weeks plus rent for the next fortnight, which came up to over $700, almost all of my savings from my student payments. I transferred it that day to the account they gave me in an email. The next day…)

Realty: “Hello? Is this [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes it is. How can I help?”

Realty: “You still owe us over 21 days of rent! When will you be paying us?”

Me: “Now, hang on; I paid all of my rent to you yesterday. I even sent a receipt in an email as proof.”

Realty: “Well, I haven’t seen that email!”

Me: “You sent me a reply of ‘thanks.'”

Realty: “Um… well, that should be in order then.”

(And now today…)

Realty: “Hello? [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes, that’s me.”

Realty: “Your rent is still overdue! When are you going to pay us for the missing 21 days?!”

Me: “I’ve sent it to you! I sent both you and another employee that called! I don’t owe you any more money for the next fortnight!”

Realty: “Where did you pay it to?”

Me: “I sent an Internet transfer to the account YOU emailed me!”

Realty: “You mean [Account Number]?” *pauses* “Oh. I see your email. You put in the wrong number! Didn’t you check the number?! It has a two after the first digit and you left it out!”

Me: *checks her email* “There’s no two anywhere in this account number you sent me.”

(There is a silence as I assume she checks the email.)

Realty: “… I’ll mark your file as ‘not your fault.’ Make sure you pay us when the payment bounces back to you. Have a nice day.”

(Hopefully they leave me alone and I actually get that payment back! I’m moving out to a different realty next month!)

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