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Realtors Are Cold-Blooded Creatures

, , , , , , | Working | October 11, 2022

My husband and I have decided to “practice” house-hunting to get an idea of what we should look out for when we really do decide to move out of the house we’re living in now.

We contact a realtor and set up an appointment, and on the given date, we meet up and begin checking out houses. We’re standing outside one of the houses, and the realtor is going over a few details before we go inside. My attention drifts a little as I look around, and I spot an anole on the wall.

Me: *Delighted gasp* “Small friend!”

Realtor: *Not skipping a beat* “And if you sign today, we’ll throw the lizard in for free.”

They Need A Realty Check

, , , | Right | September 21, 2022

I take real estate photos for realtors. I am in a house where the main level looks ready, but the homeowner is bustling around upstairs, cleaning.

Realtor: *To the homeowner* “It just matters that things are tidy. If it isn’t perfectly clean, it doesn’t show up in photos, right?”

I agree, and then the homeowner turns to me.

Homeowner: “I know. But I’m doing this for me!”

I get paid per house, not per hour, and I was standing there with all my gear, ready to go. I did my best to work around her and started on the main level, but I still had to wait around for her to finish cleaning upstairs.

It’s one thing to want things clean, but to admit to the contractor standing in your home waiting for you that you’re being selfish was a whole other issue. I was not impressed.

A Million And A Half For Bare Bones?!

, , , , , , , , | Friendly | August 24, 2022

My husband and I were looking for our first house. His mother said one of her friends had a home she wanted to sell so we went to take a look.

It was a waste of time.

There was plaster dust all over, and entire chunks of walls and ceiling light fixtures were removed. The bathrooms each had a tub, but the toilets and sinks were removed. The friend walked us into what was supposed to be the kitchen, but it was all torn apart. There were no cabinets or tabletops, and there was a pipe sticking out of the wall where I assume the sink should be.

Friend: “It’s going to be about $1,500,000, but it’s going to be beautiful when it’s all put together.”

Me: “Wow. How long will the renovations take?”

Friend: “Oh, that’s up to you.”

Husband: “Sorry? I don’t understand.”

Friend: *With a condescending laugh* “Well, you buy it and do the renovations yourself.”

Me: “But… there’s nothing. Not even a sink.”

Friend: “Yes, I took everything out. I bought it, so I’m taking it with me.”

Husband: “You want us to pay $1,500,000 for a gutted house?”

Friend: “Well, there are three bedrooms, two bathrooms, and a living space. You’ve seen the kitchen. There’s about half an acre for a yard.”

Me: “But… there’s literally nothing here. What about temperature control?”

Friend: “We used space heaters and window units. It’s about $200 to $500 a month depending on usage.”

Me: “No. I’m sorry to waste your time. We’re not buying this.”

Friend: “Why? It’s a great house! I’ve made many happy memories here!”

Husband: “I can’t even see this place being worth that much if you hadn’t stripped it down to nothing. We are absolutely not paying to have to do the renovations.”

Friend: “I looked up the value on [Website]! That’s what it says!”

Husband: “Okay, thank you for your time.”

We went home and looked at the website she mentioned. The house was listed at $150,000, not $1,500,000. My mother-in-law gave us a hard time for not buying the house, saying it would have been a good Christian deed. We eventually found a place that we liked… in another state.

It’s All About The Delivery

, , , , , , , | Working | July 22, 2022

Before the recent health crisis, I decided it was time to seriously consider entering the housing market. I started saving diligently and attending open houses of all sorts to get a sense of what was out there.

I found one listing that seemed fantastic. It was well maintained and recently updated, it had lots of space, and it was a great price. There was an open house coming up in a couple of days, so I decided to attend.

I walked in and the listing agent was there to greet me. She had a bright and bubbly tone that was almost on the verge of off-putting.

Agent: “Hiii, thanks for coming! Feel free to have a look around, and let me know if you have any questions. I do have to let you know, though, that there was a suicide in the garage!”

Me: “Uhh… Okay, thanks.”

I understand that it has to be disclosed, but the “server telling you about the daily special” tone was really weird.

The Customers Flipped, Not The Houses

, , , , , | Right | June 12, 2022

I get an appointment set for me to show a new property to a prospective buyer. I get to the house a little early, just to check that everything is in order and familiarise myself with the layout.

I don’t get long as I can see the couple walk up to the house. I don’t recognise the man, but the woman is certainly very familiar. I can’t put my finger on it, until she starts complaining… about everything.

Then, I remember: I showed both of them a number of properties a while back, and she complained about each and every one of them. It was about stupid things, like the owner’s pictures not “suiting the room.”

I put on a smile and show them around. The woman starts complaining immediately. Great.

As I’m doing my best to sell the property, I realise that, actually, it really is a great house with lots of potential. It needs some work, but any money spent on it would dramatically increase the value. You could flip this for a lot of money and in a market with a massive target customer base.

I point all this out to them. The woman sneers and tells me it’s “not worth it” or “too much work.”

They go away to think about it, but they tell me, “This isn’t the one for them,” and, “It’s way overpriced.”

I think about it the next week and check with my boss if I can put in an offer myself. 

There are some hurdles to jump through, but yes, I can! But I wouldn’t be able show the house anymore. If that meant I didn’t have to deal with that couple again, fine by me!

My offer goes in at the asking price and my coworker takes over the house.

Later, my coworker tells me the couple did put an offer in, way below asking. They were told that another offer at asking price was received. They would go away and come back with a little extra, only to be told that, no, an asking price offer had been received. 

Eventually, they put in an offer £1,000 above asking. My coworker diligently calls the owners to let them know.

I’m a little worried about getting into a bidding war, but to my surprise, they say no. They have a buyer and don’t want to accept and lose me.

My coworker lets the couple know and they lose it. They start going off how it’s overpriced and how the owners should just accept their offer and it should be accepted automatically as it’s the highest. They are reminded that it isn’t their house yet, and the current owners get to decide who buys their house.

Thankfully, they don’t come back. I buy the house.

I have been living here for nine months now. I plan to do the improvements over the next few years and hopefully sell without attracting any more potential buyers like the couple!