An Accentuated Impediment

| VT, USA | Friendly | November 8, 2016

(I have a speech impediment, and I do not pronounce certain letters correctly. However, people often mistake it for an accent. Sometimes I do get comments, but never something as outrageous as this.)

Me: *waiting in line*

Stranger: “Oh, hello? I’ve never seen you in this line before. What’s your name?”

Me: *pleasantly surprised* “Oh, hello! I’m [My Name]! What about you?”

Stranger: *gets angry and adopts a lame French accent* “Oui? Por speak Francis? *snickers* “Don’t try to put on a fake accent if you want to impress guys,. You end up making a fool out of yourself.”

Me: “It’s a speech impediment, not an accent, you a**!”

Stranger: *goes pale*

This Same Old Song

| VIC, Australia | Friendly | November 4, 2016

(My friend and I are on a two-month-long school camp together at the school’s farm (large private school), and we’re playing a game of Go Fish together in our room. She’s listening to her music on her laptop using headphones.)

Me: “Why don’t you play it through the speakers?”

Friend: “Because I’m not sure you’d like it…”

Me: “I don’t really care, just do it”

(She pauses her music and unplugs her headphones, I can’t see her screen but i can tell that she’s trying to find a song that ‘won’t annoy me.’ Note: I hadn’t heard her music before. She starts the song — I can’t remember exactly what; I think it was some form of metal — and I’m sitting there waiting for her to take her turn with a mostly blank face.)

Friend: “This is one of their worse songs.”

Me: *knowing what she’s doing* “That moment when you have someone listen to one of your favourite songs, and you’re worried they don’t like it so they say it’s one of their worst.”

Friend: “FOR F***’S SAKE!”

Me: “What?!”

Friend: “You f****** caught me… d*** it…”

(What can I say? I know what people do…)

You’re His Puppet

| CT, USA | Right | October 10, 2016

(I am on line duty at the cafeteria at an arts camp. Since the wait can be a long time, I try to entertain the kids by talking to them. Note that the campers are given a lot of freedom and there are very few rules. The kid in this story is nine or ten.)

Me: “What did you do today?”

Camper: “Well, I got thrown out of Puppetry.”

Me: “You did? How did that happen?”

Camper: “I don’t know. I didn’t know they could do that. I don’t think counselors should be allowed to kick us out.”

Me: “Well, they can, if you’re being disruptive to the other kids.”

Camper: “Yeah, but I still don’t think it should be allowed, because campers are more important than counselors. You know why? One, because we’re kids, and two, because without us, you wouldn’t have jobs.”

(I wish I had told him that without counselors he wouldn’t have a camp, but I was so dumbfounded I just stared. I later talked to my friend who worked in Puppetry, and she told me they had to kick him out almost every day because he was so disruptive.)

No Purple Nurples!

| | Learning | October 3, 2016

(The camp I attend runs as a week-long sleepover camp. One year, there is a sign in “my” cabin, explaining the rules on proper conduct between male and female campers.)

Sign: “Pink is pink. Blue is blue. NO MAKING PURPLE!”

Pitch-Perfect Reaction

| Oberlin, OH, USA | Friendly | September 26, 2016

(I’m at a summer camp. My friends and I are walking back from eating lunch. Friend #1 has already crossed the street. Friend #2 and I are about to cross. Friend #3 is a couple of feet behind us. It should be noted that I am female, Friend #2 is male, and that Friend #2 has the habit of screaming really high and loud when something frightens him. As Friend #2 and I cross the street, this happens:)

Random Red Car: *zooms past literally a foot away from Friend #2 and me*

Me & Friend #2: *stops and screams in perfect octaves, me screaming the bottom and [Friend #2] screaming the top*

Friend #3: “Guys! Keep going!”

Me & Friend #2: *finish crossing the street very carefully*

Friend #3: *starts laughing*

Friend #1: “What’s so funny?”

Friend #2: “I think he’s laughing at our screaming. Not funny, [Friend #3].”

Me: “Yeah, we screamed in octaves.”

Friend #1: *thinking* “So, wait, who screamed the higher octave?”

All Of Us: *looks at [Friend #2]*

Me: *starts laughing*

Friend #1: *starts laughing*

Friend #3: *starts clapping like a seal*

Friend #2: “IT IS NOT OKAY TO LAUGH! MY VOICE JUMPS WHEN I AM SCARED!”

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