Got The Time Most Of The Time

, , , | Friendly | September 7, 2017

(I am on vacation in Mexico, hanging out with some fellow campers. I have been at this particular spot for a couple months longer than them, and have gotten used to its natural cycles.)

Camper #1: “Oh, hey, what time is it?”

Me: “It’s…” *I look at the sky, hold up an arm, and judge the distance between it and one of the constellations.* “…about 10 o’clock.”

Camper #2: “I’m going to check that, and if you’re right, that’s awesome.” *looks at his cellphone* “It’s 10:07! Wicked!”

(Over time, I got less accurate, since the position of stars change throughout the year, but my estimates were still within an hour of the actual time.)

First Aid Was Thought Last

, , , | Friendly | June 20, 2017

(My sister, my cousin, and two friends come to visit me and we go to a nature reserve. My friend is using her army knife to chopping vegetables for dinner.)

Me: “Can I see your knife?”

Friend: “Yeah, here – oops!”

(The knife went point-down into my foot and must have hit an artery because the floor was covered in bright red blood in seconds. I quickly sat down and raised my foot in the air while the other girls scurried around grabbing towels to put pressure on it. Later, when we had the bleeding under control:)

Me: “Guys, we are a biologist, a rural social worker, an Army officer, a police employee, and an Outward Bound instructor — and nobody brought any first aid stuff?”

Making A Push For The Tush

| Canada | Learning | April 17, 2017

(I work at a camp and am in charge of four-year-olds. Every morning we take the kids to go swimming at the nearby pool, where lifeguards teach them simple swimming skills. Because the kids are very young, we go into the change room with them and sometimes help the kids change if they can’t themselves. There is one shared change room for boys and girls because they’re four. A small girl starts running around the change room, stark naked, while I’m occupied.)

Me: “[Girl], please go put clothes on. Come on. We’re gonna be late!”

Girl: *at the top of her lungs, sticking out her bum* “WHO WANTS TO GRAB MY TUSHIE?”

(Everyone stares. I’m for a moment caught off guard.)

Boy: “I DO!”

(At this point I regain common sense.)

Me: “Okay, no. NO.” *restraining the boy* “Let’s all get dressed and go swimming.”

Girl: *announces loudly* “It’s okay. My daddy grabs my mummy’s tushie ALL the time.”

Chocolates For The Ages

| Fordingbridge, Hampshire, UK | Friendly | April 11, 2017

(We go on holiday to the same campsite every year and over the years have made friends with some of the other families as we usually all end up there at the same time. The mum of one of the families is celebrating her birthday so we are all having a BBQ. A few small gifts have been bought for the birthday girl.)

Birthday Girl: *opens a rather nice box of chocolates from one of the other families* “Oh, lovely! Thank you so much, [Other Family]!”

Mum of Other Family: “Glad you like them!”

Nine-Year-Old Daughter of Other Family: “Mummy won those in a raffle!”

Birthday Girl: “Oh…”

(She was still very grateful, and enjoyed the chocolates, but bearing in mind we had been at the campsite for a while, how long had they had those chocolates?)

Needs To Adopt The Ability To Listen!

| UK | Related | February 27, 2017

(I worked in the crèche at a family camp during the summer. We had a strict “no photo” rule as part of our safeguarding policy. The day before the crèche opens, parents come to register their children.)

Me: “Hello, welcome to the crèche. Have you filled in the registration form?”

Mother: “Yes. It’s really important that nobody takes any photos of [Child], because he’s adopted.”

Me: “That’s fine; we never take photos in the crèche.”

Mother: “I don’t just mean that the photos can’t go online. Even for internal stuff, he can’t have his photo displayed.”

Me: “I understand. We won’t take any photos.”

Mother: “Even if he’s in the background, you’ve got to delete the photo. Can you make sure all of the staff know?”

Me: “Yes, nobody will take any photos. We never take photos in the crèche; it’s part of our safeguarding policy.”

Mother: “Because it’s really important that we keep [Child] safe.”

Me: “Yes, I understand. Now, does [Child] have any medical issues or allergies we need to be aware of?”

Mother: “He’s adopted.”

Me: “Yes…”

Mother: “So it’s really important that he’s not in any photos.”

Me: “If you go to the next desk, my colleague will give you an ID card so that only people you authorise can pick [Child] up.”

Mother: “It could be really dangerous if any photos of [Child] were published.”

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