Throwing Names Around

| Beaverton, OR, USA | Working | January 13, 2017

(I work at a call center offering white papers to IT people at other companies. Most of the time a secretary will answer the phone and transfer the call to the right person, and sometimes the person we’re looking for doesn’t work at the company, in which case we take their name out of our system of numbers.)

Me: “Good morning! I was looking to speak with [First Name, Last Name]?”

Secretary: “Which one do you want?”

Me: “Oh, no, ma’am, it was first name [First Name], last name [Last Name].”

Secretary: “Well I have a [First Name] person and a [Last Name] person. Which one do you want?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I must have some out of date information here; I’ll update our systems.”

Secretary: “Well, which one do you want to talk to?!”

It’s A Good Thing They’re Going Back To School

| Beaverton, OR, USA | Right | January 10, 2017

(We call people who have submitted requests for more information about going back to school. I’ve worked at this call center for a little under a week and these are just a couple of things I’ve heard.)

First Story:

Me: “What is your age?”

Caller #1: “Huh? You mean right now?”

Me: “Yes?”

Second Story:

Me: “Are you currently enrolled in school?”

Caller #2: “Um, I don’t know.”

Third Story:

Caller #3: “Are you one of those smart robot thingies?”

Sweet Suite Karma

| IL, USA | Right | January 10, 2017

(I work at a small call center for a catalog company. A well known hotel chain’s toll free phone number is one digit different than ours. They printed out an advertisement and accidently put our phone number on it instead of theirs, so we’d get a couple of calls a day where we had to explain to a customer the mistake and give them the correct number. Most people were understanding, but then I took a call from this particular person:)

Me: “Thank you for calling; how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I want to book a room at your Orlando location.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, there was a misprint in a recent advertisement of [Hotels]. You dialed the wrong number. You want [correct number].”

Customer: Excuse me?

Me: “There was a misprint in a recent advertisement of theirs. You dialed the wrong number. You want [correct number].”

Customer: “No, I know I dialed correctly. Now, I need to book a room. ”

(The conversation catches the ear of the president of the company who is walking by. He stops at my desk. I shrug my shoulders at him and show him the hotel ad. He nods, understanding what’s happening.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. This is [Company], not [Hotels]. The correct number is—”

Customer: “Now, you listen here. I’m not an idiot! I dialed the correct phone number. Now, are you going to take my reservation or not?!”

(The president gets my attention again.)

President: *quietly* “Put him on hold; I’ll talk to him.”

Me: “Sir, would you like to talk to my boss?”

Customer: “YES, I would!”

(I put the customer on hold and poke my head in the president’s office. I tell him what line he is on. The president motions for me to stay.)

President: “Hello, I understand you are trying to book a room? Uh-huh. Okay. What weekend are you and your family coming down? Uh-huh. OK, because of your inconvenience, we will upgrade you to the president’s suite at no extra charge. Here is your confirmation number—” *rattles off a meaningless number* “Thank you, and we’ll see you on the 30th. Goodbye.”

(I am wide-eyed in shock and holding back my laughter.)

President: “That’ll teach him to open his ears…”

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My English Is Bad (Language)

| NV, USA | Right | January 10, 2017

Me: “[Call Center], this is [My Name]. May I help you?”

Caller: “Is there someone who speaks Spanish?” *this is a frequent request, but one we cannot fulfill at this time*

Me: “No, I’m sorry. I do not, and neither does anyone else here in the call center.”

Caller: “F***!” *hangs up*

(At least he knew that much English!)

One-Upper (Into Orbit)

| Australia | Working | January 9, 2017

(I am working part time while waiting to hear if I have been accepted to medical school. I have just found out that I was successful but it requires me to move two thousand kilometres away. I have given my notice.)

Coworker: “So why did you quit?”

Me: *overly excited* “I am moving to [City] to become a doctor!”

(Beat.)

Coworker: “Well I’m moving to [Other City] to become an astronaut!”

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