Night Of The Entitled Dead

, , , , | Right | June 12, 2017

(I work for a complaints department in an insurance company. The caller stopped paying their life insurance premiums and understandably (you’d think), his policy was cancelled. He contacted us a few years later.)

Customer: “But how could you have cancelled the policy? You owe me £3,000!”

Me: “That’s the amount of cover you had on the policy. Because the premiums haven’t been paid, the policy has lapsed and you’re no longer covered. Because it was life insurance, it would only have paid out that amount on your death.”

Customer: “How DARE you tell me I’m not dead! I demand you pay me MY money IMMEDIATELY!”

PIN-ned That Down Too Easily

, , , | Right | June 10, 2017

(I used to work in a call center where we would ask for a customer’s PIN, which is what they created to verify their identity for when they called regarding their account.)

Coworker: “Good morning! This is [Business]. Can I have your name, please?”

(Pause.)

Coworker: “Okay, great! Can I have your PIN?”

(Pause.)

Coworker: “It’s okay if you can’t remember it, ma’am. I’ll just ask you for some other information to verify your identity.”

(My coworker then asks her a few questions.)

Coworker: “Okay, thank you very much. Do you want to update your PIN or would you like me to tell you what it is?”

(Pause.)

Coworker: “That’s not a problem. The PIN you set up was 7727.”

(My coworker freaks out then hits the mute button to snort loudly before jumping back on the call.)

Coworker: “Uh… y-yes, that’s just fine. N-not a problem. You have a nice day.”

(She turns around to talk to me.)

Coworker: “When I gave that lady her PIN she said ‘Oh, it’s the same as my bank PIN! That’s what I put in the ATM!’ I can’t believe she told me that! Now I can’t un-know that!”

(Hours later.)

Coworker: “That lady’s bank PIN is still in my head! I can’t get it out of my head! Why did she have to tell me that?!”

Putting The List Into Listening

, , , , , , | Working | June 9, 2017

(Everyone in our office has a daily quota of calls we need to make. Because we are often very busy with other tasks, if one of us is falling behind that day others who are less busy will help each other reach their quota.)

Supervisor: *recently promoted* “Hey, [Coworker] is behind on her calls and is helping some volunteers right now. I need you to help with her calls.”

Me: “I actually spoke with her 20 minutes ago and am helping with her list right now.”

Supervisor: “Whatever you are working on isn’t a priority right now. You already finished your calls today and she needs help.”

Me: “Yeah, I’m doing that. This is her list I’m calling through right now.”

Supervisor: “I didn’t ask for excuses. Go get a list from [Coworker] and help her out. End of discussion!”

(That supervisor oversaw three different offices and interestingly enough whichever one she was physically in at the time always ended up with the worst production that day.)

Has Millions Of Friends, But Not Millions In The Bank

, , , , | Right | June 6, 2017

(I represent a major telecommunications firm, known primarily here in the USA as being one of the most popular cell phone service providers in the nation. I am currently talking to a customer about setting up a new phone line on her plan.)

Me: “It seems that before we can provide you with a new phone and phone line, we need you to pay your outstanding balance of $656.29.”

Customer: “What?! Why can’t you just add the line now, and I’ll pay my bill later?”

Me: “I apologize, ma’am, but our systems won’t let me add any new lines or equipment to your account until you’ve paid this past-due bill. If you like, I can process a payment with you here over the phone right now.”

Customer: “No way! I can’t afford to pay that right now, and I need this phone for my son!”

Me: “I apologize again, ma’am, but until you pay on your bill, there is nothing more I can do to help you with that.”

Customer: “You bunch of crooks! I’m gonna tell all my friends to stop using your s****y service! I’ve got enough friends that you’re gonna go out of business! I’LL SHUT YOU DOWN!”

Me: *calmly* “So just to be clear, you have enough friends to get the millions of customers we have to leave us and cause one of the world’s largest, international telecommunication firms to go out of business, but you can’t leverage any of that tremendous social influence you possess to raise a few hundred bucks to pay your bill?”

Customer: *click*

U Must Be Kidding

, , , | Right | June 5, 2017

(While confirming certain information with our customers, it is normal to use the phonetic alphabet to ensure all letters are correct – alpha, bravo, charlie, etc.)

Customer: “‘B’ as in boy, ‘R’ as in rabbit, ‘U’ as in eulogy…”

Me: “…”

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