(A collection agency has been constantly calling me, trying to collect a debt from a random man. I’ve told them repeatedly that they have the wrong person, but they continue their harassment.)

Collector: “Hello. We’re trying to reach [Name] in regards to his debt to [Company].”

Me: “What? This again?”

Collector: “I’m looking for [Name] at [full address] who holds [social security number]. You need to tell me where I can find him.”

Me: “I’m telling you, I don’t know the man! I’m a teenage girl who lives nowhere near [address].”

Collector: “Look, I know you know where [Name] is. Let me tell you; you’d better tell him to pay his debts or bad things will happen.”

Me: “Is that a threat? Just stop calling me!”

Collector: “If you want this to go away, would you consider paying the debt yourself?”

Me: “No! Are you nuts? Stop calling me!”

Collector: “So this is how you want to play it? Very well then, I can initiate legal action against you.”

Me: “So you harass me repeatedly, accuse me of hiding someone, give me a person’s private information, and then threaten legal action?”

Collector: “Yes. Unless you want to work this out and do the right thing.”

Me: *evil smile* “Yes. I want to do the right thing. I’ll prepare my affairs and then call you tomorrow to discuss a plan to resolve this.”

(I do several things, and call him the next day.)

Collector: “So, you’ve decided to do the right thing and pay [Name]’s debt?”

Me: “Yes. I’m doing the right thing.”

Collector: “Excellent. Now, how will you be paying?”

Me: “Who said anything about paying? I sent you a cease-and-desist letter, reported you to multiple government agencies, and put in a complaint to your management.”

Collector: “What?!”

Me: “Also, I looked up [Name]. I found his ACTUAL phone number. It was easy.”

Collector: “That’s excellent! Thank you! May I have the number?”

Me: “No. In fact, I already called him and warned him about you. You won’t get anywhere with him.”

Collector: “You idiot! I’ll get you for this! I will make your life h***! You wanna f*** with me?”

Me: “I’m also recording this call. That sounded like a threat. Hang up before you get yourself into even bigger trouble.”

Collector: *slams phone down*

(I talk to customers that call us for information about their debt. An old man, probably around 80 years old, calls.)

Me: “[Company name], you are speaking to [name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, hi. I just took some of my wife’s pills by mistake. Is that dangerous?”

Me: “Sir, I work at a debt collection agency. I can’t give you a good answer to that.”

Caller: “What? Why not? I need help with this. Who can I call if you can’t help me?”

Me: “You should problably call your doctor or an ambulance, if you need one.”

Caller: “All right, what is my doctor’s name and number?”

(I search for local doctors by looking at his area code. We have caller ID.)

Me: “Try [number].”

Caller: “Thank you!” *hangs up*