If THAT Is The Rudest Thing They’ve Ever Heard, Give It A Minute…

, , , , , | Right | March 13, 2018

(I work in a call center where existing customers can get support. As many call centers do, we have a script for call opening so we can quickly pull up account information.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name] speaking. May I start with your name and home address?”

Caller: *irate* “How dare you ask for my name?! That is the rudest thing I have ever heard! You should wait for me to introduce myself! Were you ever taught manners? I don’t care what your managers say; it is completely unacceptable to ask for my name!”

(The customer continued to rant along these lines for a full five minutes before giving me the opportunity to speak, and even then, I had to apologize for the very standard practice of asking for his name before he would tell me what his problem was, so I could help him! He does this same thing every time he calls, and I suspect he must do the same thing with every other call center he speaks with.)

Lost The Key To Their Marriage Too It Seems

, , , | Right | March 12, 2018

Me: “Ma’am, do you have the keys for the vehicle?”

Customer: “Well, my ex threw them in the ocean. So, no, I don’t have the keys.”

Me: “Oh, dear.”

Their Knowledge Has Skilled Them In The Right Attitude

, , , | Working | March 12, 2018

(I am currently transitioning out of my training class at the call center where I work, along with a handful of other people. This afternoon, my team lead is going over some information with us. Afterwards, we get this gem:)

Team Leader: “So, now that we’ve talked about it, what do you think is most important: knowledge, skill, or attitude?”

Us: “All of them.”

Team Leader: “Wrong! It’s all of them!”

Us: “…”

Team Leader: “I trained you too well.”

The Kind Of Person Who Puts The Shotgun Into “Shotgun Wedding”

, , , , | Right | March 12, 2018

(I’m finishing up with a very normal sales call when suddenly everything changes.)

Customer: “You have a nice voice. I can tell you’re a beautiful woman. How old are you?”

Me: “I’m 21. So, we have your set up date as [date]. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Customer: “Are you married?”

Me: *lying* “Yes.”

Customer: “You should leave him and marry me. I can tell you’re a nice girl. I’ll be at your work tonight with flowers, waiting.”

Me: *standing up and flapping my arms at management across the room* “That’s very nice of you, but please, don’t. I’m going to transfer you to the confirmation line now.”

Customer: “You will be my bride!”

Me: “Have a great day.” *transfers*

Manager: *runs up* “What happened?”

Me: “I need an escort to my car in an hour.”

Manager: “Why?”

Me: “Remember that crazy person who said he would shoot up the building last month? This is worse.”

Manager: “A bomb?!”

Me: “Forced marriage.”

Manager: “S***. [Coworker]! Can you walk [My Name] to her car? You’re bigger than me!”

(And yes, Crazy Marriage Guy did show up an hour after I left. Security left the flowers at my cubicle. This is why I said it was worse. Angry people say they will kill people all the time, willy-nilly. Really crazy people try to marry you.)

Once You’ve Delivered It You Can’t Un-Deliver It

, , | Right | March 9, 2018

(I’m working customer service for an online store. We ship our parcels by a third-party delivery service called Hermes. I explain this to a customer. I get the following response:)

Customer: “Fine, then deliver the goods by Herpes. Thank you.”

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