Your Shoes Suck!

, , , , | Right | April 12, 2018

(I’m a manager at a high-end shoe store. One of my employees comes and tells me a customer is chewing on the leather shoes. I come around the corner and, sure enough, the customer has one of the women’s display shoes in his mouth.)

Me: “Sir? Could you not chew on the shoes?”

Customer: “Oh, I’m not chewing on them; I’m sucking on them. Have to see what happens when they get wet.”

Me: “I’m going to have to ask you not to do that. We sell displays, and no one wants something that’s been in your mouth.”

(The customer wanders away, and then suddenly spits a huge mouthful of spit onto a pair of shoes.)

Me: “Sir! I’m going to have to ask you to leave!”

Customer: “I can’t believe I’m being treated this way! This is why you are losing business to the Internet!”

Employee: “You can’t suck on online shoes, either.”

Walk Of Blame

, , , , , , | Friendly | April 10, 2018

(Back in 2005, just after we moved cross-country, we met a family who lived in the house behind us. With backyards connected, we chatted with them frequently. They were a kind family, and their teenage daughter was very nice to little me and my three-year-old brother. Skip ahead a year: it’s 2006, and we have a new baby brother, as well as a new puppy! The puppy is gentle with the baby, and is overall enjoying his toys and treats. The teenage neighbor from behind us knocks on our door. I am in the room when this happens, but my mother answers. Most of this is from my mother’s memory.)

Neighbor: “Hello! Aww, you have a puppy! What’s his name?!”

Mother: *cheery* “Scooby. He’s nine weeks old.”

Neighbor: “He’s so cute! You know, I walk dogs to make a few extra bucks. If you ever need someone to walk him, just let me know!”

Mother: “Thank you! Though I think my kids enjoy walking him around the block with their dad. Thank you for the offer, though!”

Neighbor: “Oh… I mean… okay. But seriously, I’d really like to walk your dog! He’s just so cute, and like I said, I need to make a few extra bucks for school. I charge 15 bucks for every 30 minutes.”

Mother: “Fifteen for thirty minutes?! How long do you expect to walk our dog? That’s a little much.”

Neighbor: “Puppies need a lot of exercise. Geez, you obviously have no idea what to do with a puppy. Let me walk him, and I may consider lowering my price.”

Mother: “Again, we’re fine. Thank you for coming.”

(She’s about to close the door when the neighbor forces it back open.)

Neighbor: “No. No, no, no. You don’t know what you’re doing. Why even have a puppy if you won’t walk it? I’ll call animal control for puppy neglect!”

Mother: “We aren’t neglecting him, though. We just want to walk our puppy on our own. Now, please, leave. You’re scaring my daughter.”

Neighbor: *grunts and leaves*

(My mother closes the door and immediately locks it. Life goes on normally for about an hour or so before we hear a knock on the door. My mother answers once again.)

Mother: “Hello?”

Animal Control: “Ma’am, we received a call that you were neglecting a puppy. This is a serious charge. We’ll have to have a look around.”

Mother: “Animal neglect?! We aren’t harming our puppy, though! We just refused to let our neighbor walk him. We want to walk him ourselves.”

Animal Control: “Ma’am, I’ll need to have a look around, anyway. Just to be sure.”

(My mother lets him in and he notices the abundance of toys, the puppy bed, the filled water bowl, and the semi-filled food bowl. He spots the puppy snuggling next to my baby brother and me as we are watching TV.)

Animal Control: “Hmm, seems to be fine. This is your only pet?”

Mother: *nods*

Animal Control: “All right. I’m sorry for the disturbance, ma’am. I’ll alert the teen and her parents that nothing is in the wrong here.”

Mother: “Thank you.”

(She closed the door the moment he left, and instantly ran off. I can only assume she went to tell my dad, as the last thing my mother and I remember of this is my dad telling the teen off one day. I never saw that neighbor again, and her parents would glare at my mother whenever she was out in our backyard. Thankfully, we moved away a few months later and found a new home with kinder, less-intrusive neighbors. We had that puppy until he was ten, and he was happy and loved until the end.)

It’s Only A Pokémon Moon

, , , , , | Working | April 10, 2018

I pre-ordered a Pokémon game, and the release date was coming up soon. A few days before the release, I got an email saying that if I wanted to get it as soon as possible, a store near me would be giving out ticket vouchers that allow customers to get it the night before the official release. I was unable to go get the voucher, so I asked a friend who had also pre-ordered the game to go get one for us both.

I pre-ordered the Moon version, and my friend ordered the Sun version, but only I got the email. I figured it was just sloppy notifications. However, when my friend got to the store and started talking among fans, they realized that only people who ordered the Moon version were emailed about the ticket that let you in to get game early. All those who ordered Sun were left in the dark. The store didn’t answer any questions, but a few fans came to a theory that the store decided to notify the Moon players because they would be more “likely” to be up at night-time.

Some Customers Act Like Children, Some Just Are

, , , , , | Right | April 10, 2018

(Where I work, customers can place orders for items in-store and opt for either free home delivery or delivery to the store. If the latter is chosen, we take down their details and phone them when their orders arrive. On this particular day, I have to call up a regular customer who is known for being a little bit strange.)

Me: “Good afternoon. [My Name] speaking. I’m calling from [Store], just to let you know that your items have been delivered and are ready to be collected.”

Customer: “[My Name]?”

Me: “Yes, that’s correct.”

Customer: “Oh, [My Name], that’s great! Here, I’ve got someone here who really wants to talk to you.

(For a few moments, I’m baffled, wondering if I’ve heard him correctly. Before I can say another word, I hear a young child on the other end. Note that I’ve only met and served this customer in person twice, and never seen him around with his kids before.)

Customer’s Child: “Hello?”

Me: “Um… Hello.”

Customer’s Child: “Mummy?”

Customer: *in the background* “No, baby, it’s [My Name] from the movie shop. Say hello!”

Customer’s Child: “Hello, [My Name]!”

Me: “Um… Hi.”

Customer’s Child: “Are we coming to get our DVDs today?”

Me: “That’s why I’ve called, yes. Your DVDs are all ready to be collected.”

(The child then launches into a long-winded tale of what her morning has been like, what she’s eaten for breakfast, what their plans for the day are, what’s currently on television, etc. I’m at a complete loss for words and silently look to my manager for help, who just stares at me quizzically, as these calls should usually only take about a minute, max.)

Me: “Uh… Okay. Could you put your dad back on for me, please?”

Customer’s Child: “BYEEEEE!”

Customer: “Hiya, me again. Bless you. You said something about a delivery.”

Me: “Yes… Your, uh, your items.”

Customer: “Awesome, we’ll pop in this afternoon to get ’em. Cheers, darling. Have a good one!” *click*

(The kicker? We held his items for a good five weeks before he finally came in for them.)

They Usually Go For Black Cats

, , , , | Friendly | April 9, 2018

(I own a very fluffy, friendly, and adorable puppy. It has gotten to the point where hearing somebody say, “Oh, my God!” while we are walking will make me stop so my pup can meet his new adoring fan. Most people will ask what breed he is or make generic comments about the amount of fluff and how sweet he is, but this one stands apart.)

Random Lady: “Oh, my God! That is not a dog; that is a stuffed animal you brought to life with black magic, you evil witch! Ooh, who’s a good doggie?! Oh, I just love how soft he is!” *continues with the usual praise I’ve heard a million times before*