I have just moved into a new flat, and I get my first energy bill. It comes in at about twenty times what I expect — around £600 for one month’s electricity for a studio apartment — so I call the company.

Me: “Hi. I’m calling about my energy bill. I’ve been here for a month, and I’m still getting set up, so I haven’t used much electricity, and yet my bill seems to be enough to cover my whole building.”

Agent #1: “Oh, that’s weird. Do you have a smart meter fitted?”

I agree to the smart meter, and it’s installed a month later. In the meantime, I am billed another £600, but I have only a direct debit for £75 a month. As soon as the smart meter is fitted, it’s clear from the readings that my usage is more like £40 a month, but the back charge hasn’t been cleared. No worries; maybe I need to call again. 

I talk to [Agent #2] and clear the security questions.

Agent #2: “Hi there. I see you owe us £1,150. How would you like to pay for that?”

Me: “I would not, actually; I’m trying to resolve this. I had a smart meter fitted which shows that, since the date of that meter fitting, the readings have dropped all the way down. It’s clear that the original readings were wrong, and I’m trying to get that cleared.”

Agent #2: “Oh, I’m looking at your records and I see exactly what you mean. I’m going to forward all this to the correct department. You should see this removed by the next billing date.”

Brilliant, I think. Sorted. 

But three months later, I’m still getting emails about this overdue amount (which is steadily going down as I’m still overpaying for my actual energy usage). So, I call again. And I have the same conversation again. I’m now being redundant and I’m stressed out of my mind, but the agent assures me that it will be resolved by the next billing cycle. 

Three months pass, and the amount is still showing on my bills. I’m signed off work with chronic pain and anxiety (not helped by this bill), and I call again. This time, I am overwhelmed and not hiding it well when I get this awful agent. 

Agent #3: “Hi. I see you owe us [amount]. How would you like to pay?”

I repeat my spiel about the bills and go on to say:

Me: “This has been going on for six months now, and getting these constant emails is negatively impacting my mental health.” *Starting to cry* “Can you please just remove these overdue charges?”

Agent #3: “Yes, yes, I understand. It must be very hard for you, being a woman.”

I immediately sober up emotionally. 

Me: “Actually, you know what? Leave a note on my file. I’m taking this to the ombudsman.”

Agent #3: “Whatever, lady.”

And he hangs up. I’m livid, so I let myself calm down before quickly calling back. I get another agent. 

Agent #4: “Hi. I see you owe us [amount]. How would you like to pay?”

Me: “Actually, I would like to make a complaint. Can you see who accessed my file earlier today?”

Agent #4: “I can’t see any access today from anyone.”

Me: “So, he didn’t even access my account? That’s insane. I was talking about my bill. Can you see the notes?”

Agent #4: “Give me one moment.” *Pauses to check* “Okay, I see. So, you’ve been overcharged?”

Me: “With the last guy, I was explaining how this bill is affecting me, and he essentially said that I was emotional because I’m a woman, even after I explained my long-term health conditions. I don’t appreciate being belittled like that.”

Agent #4: “You’re right; that’s totally unacceptable.”

Me: “I know it’s not your fault, and you’ve been great, but at this point, I have to go to the ombudsman as I don’t feel like I’m getting any support from your company. Can you please leave a note on my file that that’s what I’m doing, as well as my complaint about the previous agent, whoever he was?” 

She was nice, and while it took another six months, my contact with the local ombudsman services had them reverse the charge, along with a suggested £100 credit. But it was the most exhausting year of my life.

I worked in customer service over the phone for a popular TV company. I went several rounds with one customer who was upset about his bill.

Customer: “I shouldn’t have been charged at all! I haven’t used my TV in nine months because I haven’t had any power!”

Me: “Sir, you should’ve called us to tell us to stop service. Since you didn’t do that, I can only get your service turned off now. I can’t reimburse you for nine months of non-use.”

Customer: “You can see that I haven’t used it! You’ve charged me illegally!”

Actually, we can’t see whether customers are using our service or not. I kept trying to reason with this guy, and he kept arguing. After forty-five minutes, I finally said:

Me: “Sir! We are not the government. We do not track your every move. Would you like to cancel or not?”

He chose to cancel.

After refusing to pay, then claiming we said we would eat the cost of the project, and then accusing us of verbally abusing staff when we very politely asked their accountant to pay the outstanding invoice, our client told us this.

Client: “It’s too bad, we were thinking of making you a preferred vendor.”

Me: “What does that mean?”

Client: “It means we pay on time.”

I contact a client for whom I designed a website regarding payment.

Client: “We need more time to pay.”

Me: “It’s been six months. I can take a credit card right now, or give me a [Shipping Company] tracking number for an overnight check. Otherwise, the site goes offline. I’m sorry it came to this.”

Client: “I can’t get a check issued that quickly, and I don’t have a corporate credit card I can use.”

Me: “The only solution I can think of is having you pay the bill with your personal credit card on behalf of your company, and then you submit an expense report and get a reimbursement check from your company.”

Client: “I don’t want to do that! Do you have any idea how long my company takes to reimburse expenses?!”

This saga starts when I switch from a cell phone provider I pay to one the government pays for. I’m disabled, so anything that saves money helps. The representative for the government provider tells me:

Representative: “Oh, it’s okay. We told the other guys to cancel.”

Clearly, believing this is my first mistake.

My bills were on autopay, so the next month, I get an odd email from the previous provider saying I paid for a service I never used.

I ring them up.

Me: “Hello. I switched SIM cards and haven’t actually used this service in a month. Would you mind getting rid of this charge?”

Agent #1: “I can’t do that, but I can cancel your service going forward.”

This is probably illegal, but I have no money for a lawyer, so I sigh and agree.

The next month, another email tells me my account is being canceled because I owe them $62.

I go to their chat line and hit up an agent, explaining.

Agent #2: “Can I have your PIN?”

Me: “…It’s been two months. How long do you expect me to have a PIN memorized?”

Agent #2: “I’ll have to transfer you.”

Sigh. I sit around and twiddle my thumbs. (I knit a lot, so I spend some time test-knitting my pattern and discover that I have an extra stitch.) As annoying as this is, these are minimum-wage nobodies with no power and no training beyond a script, if that. Patience is a virtue. I really need to figure out how to fix that one dang stitch.

Agent #3: “What’s your PIN?”

Me: “I just explained… Oh, never mind. Try [PIN I use for non-secure passcodes] or [second PIN I keep in reserve].”

Agent #3: “That worked! What’s your issue?”

Did you even read the prior chat?

Me: “As I already explained, I was charged for a month of service I never used after I canceled.”

Agent #3: “That’s a billing concern, and I’m a tech support agent. Let me transfer you.”

Insert “How many agents does it take to change a lightbulb?” joke here.

So, I wait. More twiddling my thumbs. For some reason, it takes over twenty minutes to get billing online. This is possibly a strategy to make people give up when falsely charged. I frog and re-knit the pattern with a better stitch count.

Billing Agent #1: “Hi. How can I help you?”

Me: “…you didn’t read the chat.”

Billing Agent #1: “I understand your concern. How can I help you?”

Me: “When you’re done dealing with the Decepticon threat, Autobot, I was charged a month’s bill after I canceled.”

Billing Agent #1: “I understand your concern. I can credit you 20% of the bill. How would you like to pay?”

Me: “…I have not received the services you are charging me for because I am not using your SIM card. It is an ex-SIM card. It has gone to the Great Beyond. It is no longer with us. It has met its maker.”

Billing Agent #1: “I understand your concern.”

Me: “I’m going to come back in a bit.”

I log off, consider my options regarding a lawyer, and then decide to give them one more good-faith attempt to read the words I am typing since that’ll probably go over better in small claims court.

I log in again. I do the song and dance with a tech agent of PINs and passcodes. I get to a billing agent.

Me: “I have not used your SIM card in two months. I called and canceled last month. Please do not make me do the Monty Python parrot sketch again so you understand that I am not paying for a service I never received.”

Billing Agent #2: “…They charged you when you canceled? Yeah, I can get rid of that charge and cancel your account for real. I’m sorry about that.”

Me: “Thank God.”

Billing Agent #2: “Can’t do anything about older charges because of policy, sorry.”

Me: “Yeah, I can’t afford a lawyer, so I’m just giving up on that money. It’s not coming from groceries, so I’ll live. Thank you for reading what I typed.”

Five minutes later, I was free and the bill was dropped.