It is back in the 1980s, and I am a fresh graduate doing some accounting for a small home renovation company. They have a brick mason on the payroll who is currently building a chimney for a client. The client is being invoiced weekly during the project, but he hasn’t paid the last two, so I am calling him.

Me: “Hello, sir, this is [My Name] from [Renovation Company]. I’d like to—”

Client: “Yeah, yeah, I’ll pay you guys soon. You’re all so needy! Money this, money that.”

Me: “I understand, sir, but as your account is behind by two invoices, we do need to—” 

Client: “I said I’ll pay when I can! Stop being needy!” *Click*

Well, he was a complete delight. I give him forty-eight hours, and when no invoice has been paid and the third is due soon, I call again.

Me: “Sir, our brick mason has almost finished your job, and you’re behind on payments. You’re at risk of him not finishing if you don’t settle—”

Client: “He’s done a crap job! I’m not satisfied at all! I think you should give me a discount because of this shoddy workmanship!”

Me: “Sir, our brick mason has over twenty years of experience in his field, and based on site inspections, there are no reported issues with the quality of your chimney. We will not be offering any discounts without evidence of—”

Client: “I won’t be paying more than I’ve already paid! I should be asking for a refund because of the low quality of the job, so you’re lucky I’m feeling nice!” *Click*

I relay what the client said to my manager, just as the brick mason himself is walking into the office.

Manager: “Oh, well, that happens sometimes, and honestly, this client was giving us some red flags from the start. I’m not that worried, though. Are you, [Brick Mason]?”

Brick Mason: “Nah. I did the thing, so if he doesn’t pay, he’s not getting a working chimney.”

Me: “What’s ‘the thing’?”

Manager: “Well, when [Brick Mason] is doing chimneys, every several courses of bricks, he puts in some plastic across the opening. When the job is done and we’re fully paid, he cuts out the plastic. 

Me: “And if we don’t get paid?

Brick Mason: “We just don’t say a word, and we wait for the call from them saying the house is full of smoke.”

Me: “Isn’t that… kind of… dangerous?”

Brick Mason: “Not as dangerous as not paying your contractor.”

I was young, and I didn’t know how I felt about their “solution”, but it seemed to work! The client called saying our chimney wasn’t working, and they said they would go out to fix it if the client paid up in full.

I was very young, and it was a different time, so I don’t think I would let it fly today, but back then, it did seem oddly satisfactory.

I was asked to design a website for an antique shop and auction house.

Client: “I’d like you to build a website for my company. I’ll be able to pay you in a few months, once we start making money.”

I passed after he asked me how to tell the difference between an oil painting and a print, and whether I knew anyone who could teach him how to restore antiques.

My husband and I are renting an apartment. When we signed contracts, there was an option to pay either online or through check. Online had a 3% convenience fee, which was about $35 a month, but paying with a check didn’t. We opted to pay with checks.

I go to pay for the upcoming month.

Me: “Hi there. I am here to pay next month’s rent.”

The employee at the desk pulls up our account, makes a face, and shoves a paper across the table to me. 

Employee: “I need you to sign this.”

Me: “What’s this?”

Employee: “We’re creating an account for you and moving your payments online so we don’t have to keep going to the bank to deposit your checks.”

I glance through the paper and see that there’s still the convenience fee. 

Me: “Are you willing to waive the convenience fee?”

Employee: “No. You will need to pay that.”

Me: “No, thanks. We’ll continue to pay with checks.”

Employee: “We want to move everyone to online payments for our convenience.”

Me: “It’s more convenient for me to walk down here and save $35 every month. Unless you are able to waive the fee, I’m not signing up for online payments.”

She wasn’t pleased, and we went back and forth a little until I reminded her that in the contract we signed, only we could change how our payments were made; the apartment complex could not make the changes for us. I can’t say they were all that happy to see us when we went in to pay our rent and ask for receipts for the remainder of our time living there. I’m glad we never signed up for online payments because their reviews had many people complaining about extra withdrawals and continuing to be charged for rent after moving out.

I moved to New Zealand about ten years ago. When we first came, we needed Wi-Fi ASAP, so I got the first Wi-Fi provider and new phone plan I could find.

I settled into my new home. After a while, inflation became even bigger, and [Wi-Fi Provider Company] was raising their prices. Up to this point, I never really worried about or considered my bill; I just paid it, and it was done. But then, I get this ridiculous bill sent to me. I watch my bill for a few months and use the least amount of data, etc., that I can. My bill is still ridiculously high.

So, I start researching better options and come across a great phone plan and Wi-Fi provider. I go to the mall where they have a store and set up an account with them and everything. Since my old supplier has a store a few meters away, I go to them to cancel my account.

Worker #1: “Hello, can I help you?”

Me: “Yes, please. I just came in here to cancel my plan and account. I’ve moved to a new provider.”

Worker #1: “Oh, yes. You can easily do that over the phone; it’ll save so much time. But we can do it in-store now if you like.”

I have dinner plans, so I decide to go home and do it over the phone. I don’t really know why it would be easier over the phone, but this guy seems nice enough to take his word on it.

I call the next day, asking to cancel my plan and delete my account. I don’t get the same guy that talked to me in the store (but that is totally fine).

Worker #2: “Ma’am, you’re going to have to come into the store in order to do that. We need to be able to identify you in order to shut down any accounts.”

Me: “But another employee said I could do it over the phone. Apparently, it’s faster?”

Worker #2: “Yeah, we can do it over the phone. But we still need you to come into the store and give us your number and ID so we know it’s your account.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll just come down, then.”

And I end the call. I get yet another worker when I come in. I explain what I want to do.

Worker #3: “I’m just a trainee, and I’m not allowed to do that. My manager just went to lunch, but you could wait for about ten minutes until she comes back. Or you could just do it on the phone.”

Me: “I was told I have to come into the store to do it. I’ll just wait for your manager.”

Bear in mind, I’m speaking really nicely to these people, but at this point, I’m just annoyed and want to get it over and done with.

I wait for the manager. When she comes back, I tell her what I want. 

Manager: “Unfortunately, you have to do that online or over the phone. There’s nothing I can do here.”

Me: “But several of your colleagues have said otherwise.”

Manager: “I’ll have a talk with them, but that’s just how it works.”

I take my leave and call from my car. Another worker answers and tells me I have to be IN-STORE for this. I tell him that I’ll come in AGAIN. I walk back into the store, and the manager sees me and asks me if she can help me.

Me: “I have been told I can easily close my account over the phone several times. When I’ve tried doing just that, they’ve said I need to be in the store. I was just in my car and called after you said it has to be done over the phone. Guess what they said?! I HAVE TO BE IN THE STORE!”

I don’t really shout but I show my irritation clearly on my face.

Manager: “Who did you talk to? I’m sorry about the inconvenience. I’ll have to talk to them. But you need to do it over the phone.”

Me: “You know what? I’m just not going to pay my bill anymore. I’m on a new plan and provider, so I’ll be fine.”

I left.

For about three months, I still got a bill, even though I hadn’t used them at all. Eventually, I got an email saying my account had been deleted because I hadn’t been paying my bill, and if I wanted to set it up again, I would have to do it in-store. In my mind, I joked, “No, it can also be done over the phone, right? HAHA!”

I receive a water bill from my city for $0, indicating I have used no water that month. Knowing this is incorrect, I call the city utilities department and ask them to verify that I received the correct bill because I don’t want to get my water shut off for not paying. They look into it and end up sending someone to my house, who discovers that my water meter has stopped working, so they replace it.

The next month, I receive a water bill that’s twice as much as usual. Assuming they must have prorated my bill to make up for the lost month, I pay it without complaint.

The next month, I receive a bill that is QUADRUPLE what it usually is. I call the city to find out what’s going on, as there hasn’t been any notice that water rates increased, and I am definitely not using significantly more water all of a sudden. They send someone out to my house again. The same guy who installed the new meter comes to investigate.

Utility Guy: “Your meter is working properly, but I can see that there’s definitely a leak somewhere. It’s probably your toilet.”

Me: “I don’t think so… I think I would have noticed a leak bad enough to increase our water bill this much. It hasn’t been this high since we had a pipe burst a few years ago. Could it be the new meter itself that’s leaking, or maybe it’s not reading correctly?”

The meter is in a hole in the ground under the house, so I’m thinking if it’s leaking, the water would be going straight into the ground and might not be noticed.

Utility Guy: “Definitely not. I’m looking at the readings right here.” *Points to his tablet* “This shows every time water passes through the meter, and these meters are very accurate. Look, just last night there was usage at 10:30 pm. That’s clearly a leak because no one uses water that late.”

Me: “Uh… I do. I showered at 10:30 last night. Also, my housemate works night shifts, so it’s very normal for them to use water in the middle of the night on their days off.”

Utility Guy: *Pauses* “Okay, well, it must have been that the old meter just wasn’t reading correctly. They do lose accuracy over time.”

Me: “That doesn’t make sense. We’ve lived here for over five years and have had very steady water bills the entire time.”

Utility Guy: “Sure, but you don’t know how long the meter was in the house before that. It could have been fifteen years old.”

Me: “So, you’re saying that if the meter was fifteen years old, it was giving consistently inaccurate readings for over a third of its life?”

Utility Guy: “Look, I don’t know what to tell you. If there’s no leak, then you just had a bad meter before. These new meters are very accurate. I’ll go ahead and check your toilet and faucets anyway, but let me just look at one more thing.”

He goes over to the meter, crouches down, and stares at it for a second.

Utility Guy: “F***!”

He stands up to face me, looking a little defeated.

Utility Guy: “Well… you were right. We f***ed up.”

He showed me the meter he had installed… connected to the wrong-sized valve. Essentially, because the meter size and valve size didn’t match, the meter had been taking water measurements for about four times as much volume as we were actually using. The guy was able to replace the meter right away with one he had in his truck before muttering some quick apologies and something about the billing department “recalculating our last bill.”