Statement Of Recount

, , , , , , | Right | October 18, 2017

(A customer calls me on the phone in a panic.)

Customer: “Why am I still getting a bill for this line of credit? I thought you closed it! It’s ten pages long! I haven’t used it. “

Me: “I did close it, but I know you had some fraud, so let me call card services to see what’s going on.”

(I call card services.)

Me: “My customer is still showing a balance on her line. We paid it. What’s going on?”

Card Services: “We show no activity, but that card did receive a large payoff a month ago.”

Me: “Well, my customer is still getting a bill with a large balance…”

(I continue to argue with card services for 20 minutes before hanging up in frustration. I call my customer back and say they show no money owed so that statement must just not be printing correctly.)

Me: “Can you read exactly what it says at the top?”

Customer: “’Statement of Accounts’.”

Me: “That is your monthly statement.”

Customer: “Yeah, but it says I owe all this money!”

Me: “That’s your monthly account transactions and balance, not a bill! You don’t owe anything.”

Customer: “Well, why is it so long?!”

Me: “I don’t know, but it’s the same as you get every month; it’s nothing new.”

Customer: “Okay, thanks for checking for me!”

(I just spent thirty minutes arguing with people to find out my customer thought her monthly statement was a bill. I ask more questions now.)

Steve Me Alone!

, , , , , , | Working | September 22, 2017

(I am expecting a call from a hospital scheduling agent. Despite the fact that I normally don’t answer calls that show as “unknown” on the caller ID, I am answering now, in case it’s the agent.)

Caller: “Hi. Is this Mrs. [Last Name]?”

Me: “Yes, is this the hospital?”

Caller: “No, I’m looking for Steve [Last Name]. I’m calling about—”

Me: “There’s no Steve here.”

Caller: “But you ARE Mrs. [Last Name]?”

Me: “Yes, but my husband’s name is not Steve.”

(The caller begins a tirade about how he has to talk to Steve, I am hiding Steve, and Steve needs to pay his bills. I finally hang up on him, but he calls back a few seconds later. The caller ID shows a different number so I answer.)

Caller: “You cannot refuse to put Steve on the phone!”

Me: “Actually, I can. I suspect you are looking for my husband’s uncle, but he has never lived here.”

Caller: *now suddenly nice* “Oh, I’m sorry. Can you give me Steve’s phone number?”

Me: “No, actually I can’t. Steve died last spring.”

(The caller then began berating me about how Steve HAD to pay his medical bills. I hung up again. The scheduler called right after I hung up, so I went back to ignoring unknown calls. There were four different voice mails from this bill collector about needing contact information for Steve. I ended up filing a complaint with the attorney general’s office. I don’t expect to ever hear from them. The same agency calls and leaves voice mails for Steve at least three times a week.)

And The Light Bulb Goes On

, , , , | Right | September 21, 2017

(A customer calls complaining of a high electric bill. I look over the account and see that the usage is, indeed, pretty high. I then go through a series of standard questions, trying to determine what could be causing the elevated usage.)

Customer: “Well, I do run two refrigerators and a freezer. One fridge in the kitchen, freezer in the basement, and a second fridge in the garage.”

Me: *knowing it is winter time and far colder out than would require the fridge in the garage to run* “It seems unlikely the fridge in the garage would be running very much with it being so cold.”

Customer: “No, it’s running.”

Me: “Why would be running if it is not warm enough in the garage to require it to turn on?”

Customer: “Well, there is a light bulb in it.”

Me: “There is a light bulb in every fridge, but it only turns on when the door opens.”

Customer: “No, I put a light bulb in it on an extension cord to force the fridge to run. It is a very old fridge, and we are scared that if it shuts off it may not come back on, so we put a light bulb in it to keep it on.”

Me: “…so, you are using a light bulb as a heat source to keep the very old fridge running all the time?”

Customer: *very satisfied with herself* “YES!”

Me: *silent facepalm* “This is the reason for your increased electric consumption.”

Nothin’ Like Some Tough Lovin’

, | | Right | May 28, 2008

(I work for an internet billing company that mostly does work with porn sites.)

Me: “Thank you for calling *** Consumer Support. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I got some charges on my card, and I wanna know what the heck’s goin’ on.”

Me: “No problem sir. If I can get the card number, I’ll be happy to help out.”

(He gives me his card, and I go through the process of looking it up and getting his info.)

Me: “Alright sir, it looks like I have a subscription here to pornking.com. Is that familiar?”

Customer: “Yeah, I know that. Hold on a sec. RANDY!!!”

(I hear him shouting at someone in the background, and then the sounds of someone getting the ever-loving crap beaten out of them.)

Customer: “Alright, I done took care of the charges. Can you cancel that for me?”

Me: “… sure. I’ve canceled it from further billing now for you.”

Customer: “Alright, you have a nice day.” *click*

1 Thumbs
4,965
VOTES
Page 6/6First...23456