Me: “Your invoice is nearly ninety days past due.”

Agency: “We’ll pay you when the client pays us. Stop asking for loans! We’re not a bank!”

We rent out social houses, which means they are meant for people with a low income. Despite popular belief, we are not a rich company, and our CEO does not drive the latest super-expensive car. All the “profit” we make goes back into the houses we build, renovate, etc. I work in customer service.

Me: “Hello, [My Name] speaking. How can I assist you?”

Client: “My sewage was clogged this weekend.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Do you want me to plan a plumber for you?”

Client: “No, I already hired someone. Where can I send the bill?”

Me: “I’m… sorry? Did you talk to our emergency line, and did they tell you to hire someone?”

Client: “No, I never called you. Waiting for the emergency line took too long, so I just looked for someone online.”

Me: “So, you didn’t consult us beforehand? I’m sorry, but we won’t be able to reimburse the bill.”

Client: “What?! But I waited for hours, and no one picked up!”

Me: “My data says the longest waiting time for the emergency weekend line this whole weekend was seven minutes. While I admit that is long, I also see that a lot of people called in, meaning it was busy.”

Client: “But I have sewage insurance with you!”

Me: “I can see that, but that only counts if you contact us and we send the attached company. If you choose to hire someone else, that doesn’t mean we will reimburse you.”

Client: “Why not? You are a big company!”

Me: “We may be big, but we don’t have money laying around. Let me try to explain this differently. If I borrowed your car and I get a flat tire, that would be expensive, right? Well, what if I decide to go to a nearby garage and have the tire replaced and then give the bill to you? And ask you to reimburse me, because it is your car?”

Client: “What does that have to do with anything?”

Me: “I apologize for the example; it was just that. But either way, we can’t reimburse something when we are not contacted beforehand. If you would have made an appointment with us, it would have been free. But instead, you hired someone else, on your own. That voids the insurance you have with us.”

Client: “But this is €1,000!”

That is really a lot. I think someone got scammed…

Me: “I know that is a lot, but again, you never asked us. I can only advise you to call us next time. Perhaps your personal insurance can cover this.”

Client: “I will complain to the Housing Commission about you! You will pay for this!”

Me: “You are free to go to the Housing Commission. If they need any more information, I will write down the time we had this conversation, so the recording can be handed over if they request it.”

Client: “I hope your boss pays you well — selling your soul like that!”

He hung up. I’m sorry, but why should we bleed because you are too impatient to wait?

I start getting phone calls from a doctor’s office for my ex-husband. My ex-husband and I have been divorced for ten years at this point. They keep leaving voicemails for him to call back.

Receptionist: “My name is [Receptionist], and I’m calling from [Doctor]’s office, trying to reach [Ex-Husband]. Please give us a call back.”

I have not been in contact with my ex-husband in several years, and he changes numbers all the time, so I have no way of getting in touch with him.

The next week, I get another voicemail.

Receptionist: “Hi, [Ex-Husband]. This is [Receptionist] calling from [Doctor]’s office. I need you to give me a call back today.”

The doctor’s office always seems to call when I am at work. By the time I get off work, they are already closed so I cannot call them back to tell them they have the wrong number.

The next week, I have another voicemail, and it is the same as the previous ones. 

I tell my coworkers I am going to take a ten-minute break to attend to some important business, and I call the doctor’s office back.

Receptionist: “[Receptionist] speaking.”

Me: “Hi, [Receptionist]. I have been receiving phone calls from you. You are trying to get in touch with [Ex-Husband], and I am calling to tell you that this is not his number.”

Receptionist: “Okay, thank you for letting us know. I’ll make a note in his file.”

The next week, the doctor’s office calls again.

Receptionist: “Hi, [Ex-Husband], this is [Receptionist] calling you from [Doctor]’s office. We need to give us a call back.”

I manage to call them back, and I tell them the same thing. Again, I am told they will make a note of it and remove it from the file.

But they don’t do it for the next three weeks. I still continue to receive calls for my ex-husband. I call back one more time, and this time, I ask to speak to the office manager.

Me: “I am receiving phone calls for [Ex-Husband], and I have told your staff members that this is not his number. They have told me they will make a note in the file and remove the number.”

Office Manager: “Oh, I am so sorry about that. Let me get into his file. Are you [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes.”

Office Manager: “He has you listed as an emergency contact.”

Me: “We have been divorced for many, many years. I don’t know why he would have it listed. I also don’t know how to reach him as we haven’t spoken in many years.”

Office Manager: “Oh, we need to speak with him about an urgent financial matter.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I do not know how to get a hold of him.”

Office Manager: “Okay, we will remove you from his file.”

A few months later, I tried to finance a new car and, to my horror, there was a negative mark on my credit file. And guess what it was? The doctor’s office bill!

I got the original bill, and it was only in my ex’s name. I had to fax my divorce decree over to the collection agency, and I also sent it to the doctor’s office. It was removed from my credit file. 

I don’t know why they put me on this bill as we are divorced and I am not obligated to any of his bills. When I told them we were divorced, that should have been a clue! 

I also don’t have a clue why he would list me as an emergency contact. He probably just did it so they would call me since he changed numbers frequently and had no intention of paying that $100 bill.

CEO: “Hi, [My Name], we wanted to talk to you in person (over the phone) to resolve the question of payment.”

Me: “Okay.”

CEO: “Let’s forget all of the stuff that has gone on in the past with this project. Let me put [Accountant] on the phone.”

Accountant: “What we’d like to do is offer to pay [amount] for the project. Based on what you billed us, we think [amount] is a fair amount, minus what we’ve already paid you, minus the recruiter fee.”

Me: “So, you’re ‘offering’ to pay me half of what is still owed on the bill for the work you hired me to do.”

Accountant: “Well, based on the total cost we’re willing to pay, minus the recruiter fee…”

Me: “A simple yes or no will suffice. If you owe me [total] and are ‘willing’ to pay [amount], if my math is correct, and I believe it is — I can redo it on my calculator if you’d like — you’re ‘willing’ to pay me half. Even though I rushed the work and everyone was thrilled with it.”

CEO: “Well… yes, I guess, you could say that is half…”

Me: “I do.”

CEO: “Look, I’m sure you just want to put this behind you—”

Me: “Actually, no. I want to be paid in full.”

CEO: “Well, this is all we’re willing to pay.”

Me: “You know you signed a contract, right?”

Accountant: “Well, we’ve had several conversations via email and in person about this—”

Me: “Yes, in each, you tried to weasel your way out of paying me.”

CEO: “I think this is a fair compromise.”

Me: “I think you’ll be hearing from my lawyers.”

This conversation occurred after receiving a retainer check that was $1,000 short of the agreed-upon amount and had a post-it note stuck to it informing me that they had decided to pay me in cash.

Client: “We decided to pay you in cash, which means that we can have a 20% to 30% discount on your services.”

Me: “How so?”

Client: “Well, since you won’t report the income, that will save you money. We figure that you’re in a 30% tax bracket, so we can certainly reduce your fee by that amount as you would be making more money.”

Me: “That’s not how it works.”

Client: “Oh, yes, it is.”

Me: “Um, I am not in the practice of giving cash discounts. Plus, you just sent me a check.”

Client: “You mean you won’t do this?”

Me: “No.”

Client: “So, you’re trying to rip me off?”

Me: “You were the one who decided to pay cash and decided that you were getting the discount.”

Client: *Yelling* “Okay, fine! Forget we ever had this conversation!” *Hangs up on me*