Poke The Dog And Wake Up The Pitbull

, , , , , , | Friendly | March 20, 2018

(I am attending an annual street festival. It is dog-friendly, so I have brought my dog along. My dog is a Boston Terrier, a type of dog that has bulbous eyes. I’m sitting on the curb finishing a hot dog when I notice that a child near me has started to try to poke my dog in the face with a stick.)

Me: “Hey, sweetie, don’t do that. You could really hurt my dog.”

(The kid says nothing and gives me a funny look, but puts the stick down and turns away from me and my dog, so I think it’s over. About a minute later, the little jerk picks the stick back up and jabs my dog right in the forehead.)

Me: “Hey, kid! Stop doing that to my dog!”

(The kid looks me right in the eyes and then positions the stick to jab my dog again. I grab the stick and wrestle it away from the kid. The kid’s inattentive mother runs over from the other side of the street.)

Mother: *yelling* “What are you doing!?”

(For a few seconds, I think she is yelling at her kid. She, however, stomps right in front of me and continues yelling.)

Mother: “Don’t you dare tell my child what to do! You have no right to tell my child anything! You stay away from my kid!”

Me: *trying to stay calm* “Your child could have seriously hurt my dog. I was just—”

Mother: *cuts me off and keeps screaming* “Then you come get me!”

(I am seriously at the end of my rope now, and we have already gained an audience, so I decide that going to this woman’s level is the only way to solve this.)

Me: *yelling as loud as I can* “SHUT UP!”

(The woman surprisingly does, and recoils slightly.)

Me: *still yelling* “How the f*** am I supposed to go get you when you are all the way on the other side of the street, doing God knows what, when your stinking brat is trying to hurt my dog?! How the f*** am I supposed to know who his mother is? You think I’m going to just sit here and wait for you to show up and learn how to be a parent? Also, if you can’t even pay attention enough to make sure your kid isn’t poking animals in the eye with sticks, are you going to even notice if someone tries to kidnap him? Why don’t you watch your f****** kid, and do the world a favour and don’t procreate again?!”

Inattentive Mother: *spluttering* “Don’t you swear in front of my child. I’ll go get one of the police officers and—”

Me: “You think they haven’t heard us yet, lady? Look! They’re already watching! I’m done for the day, so I don’t care if they kick me out. How do you think they’re going to react to the fact that your kid is trying to injure animals? I have witnesses!”

(The mother’s face had gone bright red by then. She grabbed her kid and started to drag him away. The kid then started screaming that he “wanted to play with the doggy.” I just got up, threw away my hot dog wrapper, and walked my dog home.)

Are you often annoyed by people? Well, misery loves company. Join us at our Antisocial collection in the NAR Store!

Putting The Poo Into Pool

, , , , | Right | March 20, 2018

(I am a front desk employee at [Hotel]. We have just closed down the pool for cleaning, because some kid defecated in it. A lady comes up, dragging her kid behind her.)

Customer: “Where is the pool? I had it booked for noon to one.”

Me: “The pool is closed, ma’am. We have to clean it.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I want to swim!”

Me: “I am sorry, but we cannot let anyone in the pool right now.”

Customer: “But it is empty! You must have cleared them out so I can swim!”

Me: “No, ma’am, no one is allowed in right now.”

Customer: “I know! Why do you think I s*** in it in the first place?”

(Security eventually had to escort the lady out, and she is now banned from all [Hotel] properties.)

A Small Problem

, , , , , | Working | March 20, 2018

(I am talking with a coworker about classic cars whilst working the coffee machine. A customer has just come in, so I serve while he finishes off the last few orders. When you face the coffee machine, you have your back to the till.)

Me: “Hi. What can I get you?”

Customer: “Just a latte, please.”

Coworker: “I tell you what I do like: midgets.”

Me: “Umm, [Coworker]?”

Coworker: “Sure, you have to smack them when they stop working, but they are sexy little things.”


Coworker: “WHAT?!”

Customer: “Hello!”

(My coworker peers over the counter to see a dwarf man standing there.)

Coworker: “I’m so sorry! We were talking about classic cars, not people with your… um… condition?”

Customer: “It’s okay.” *laughs* “First time I’ve ever had another man call me sexy.”

(The customer took his drink and we laughed about it for the rest of the day.)

Are you often annoyed by people? Well, misery loves company. Join us at our Antisocial collection in the NAR Store!

Changing The World For The Better

, , , | Right | March 20, 2018

(We have self-scans, which can be a pain in the butt sometimes, but they are generally helpful in keeping customers happy while we put out the morning deliveries. However, sometimes these self-scans frustrate people. I’m working on the reductions — reducing items that go out of date today — and walking up and down the aisles. I hear a commotion as a man is leaving the store.)

Customer: “You f****** robbing b****es!”

(I am very, very confused and run round to my colleague who is serving on the tills. This colleague is a very petite, older lady. She is serving someone else and quietly laughing to herself when I arrive.)

Me: *when the customer leaves* “What just happened?!”

Colleague: “Oh, this guy and his girlfriend came in. They used the self-scan, as young people seem to like to do. It gave him his change, which was five pence, but it gave it to him in the form of two two-pences and one one-pence. So, we had a mini argument…”

(Our store has a policy that we cannot change money of any form, so someone cannot come in with a five-pound note and ask for five one-pound coins. This is how the conversation went.)

Customer: “I wanted a five-pence coin. Change it.”

Colleague: “I just closed the till and cannot access it again without a sale now.”

Customer: “You just shut that on purpose, you b****! Just change it for me!”

Colleague: “I can’t. I’m sorry.”

Customer: *throws the money he got at my colleague* “You’re lying to me! You f****** closed that on purpose! You f****** b****!”

Colleague: “Now, you look here! Don’t you swear at me like that! Get out, now! I’m sure charity will appreciate the five pence you threw at me more than you do!” *proceeds to put the money in a charity box*

(The customer stormed out, swearing and ranting about how we were robbing him.)

Can’t Even Get Past Level One

, , , , , | Working | March 19, 2018

(I work in the video game industry. My coworkers and I are attending a large, well-known entertainment expo that has been opened to the public for the first time this year. While other people we’ve talked to have griped about this, largely I haven’t noticed a difference apart from trying to get through more crowds to my meetings. That changes when I sit down in the food court around lunch time and get approached by a guy wearing a green general public admission badge. My badge is blue, indicating I’m part of the industry.)

Guy: “Hey, can I ask you a question?”

Me: “Oh, um, sure.”

Guy: “How do I get a job like yours?”

Me: “You want to be a producer?”

Guy: “Well, or whatever. I’m just really passionate about video games and I knew this would be my big chance.”

(At this point, I am several days into the event, I’m exhausted from work and running from meeting to meeting, and I just want to have a quiet lunch, but I also want to be polite and supportive.)

Me: “Well… I mean, first you should probably figure out exactly what you want to do, and then research what that job typically entails so you can see what skills you might be missing and plan how to fill in those gaps. You can fi—”

Guy: *impatiently* “Give me your email. I’ll send you my resume.”

Me: *taken aback* “Well, we’re not looking to hire right now, but if you want to g—”

Guy: *slamming his palms angrily on the table, causing other people to turn around* “Then send it around to other companies! Help me get in the door! Pay it forward!”

Me: “Look, if you want to get a job in the industry, you sh—”

Guy: “Oh, my God.” *rolling his eyes* “Do me a solid or shut up, lady!” *spins around and storms off* “Elitist f***!”

(I’m more confused than anything else. I make eye contact with a table full of other industry folks sitting across from me, looking equally dumbfounded.)

Industry Guy: “Lesson one to get a job in video games… or any job, really. Don’t be that guy!”

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