(At this time, I am working at fast food place known for its ice cream. We are in the middle of a popular promotion where if you buy one of our signature products, you get the second one for 99 cents. There are several signs all over the store, including one sitting on the register. A man comes in with his wife and two younger children. It happens to be Easter Sunday.)

Me: *smiling* “Hi! Welcome to [Restaurant]. What can I get you?”

(The man is pleasant enough, and orders food for his family, as well as one of our signature products for himself. I’m about to ask him if he wants the 99 cent one, but he looks right at the promotional sign on our register, appears to read it, then goes back to ordering. The little boy’s meal doesn’t come with a drink, so I ask what he wants to drink.)

Customer: *ignores his son, who is asking for pop* “He’ll just have water.”

(I hand him one of our free water cups. We rely on customers being honest and generally don’t have an issue with them trying to get free drinks out of us by taking a water cup and getting pop instead. Apparently, the boy has no issues with it and immediately fills it up with pop. I wince, because though he’s technically stealing, I’m not allowed to say anything about it. I wait for the dad to reprimand him. He doesn’t, so I reluctantly let it go. As he’s paying…)

Customer: *as he hands me his money* “Today is such a good day.”

Me: *nods absently as I count out his change* “Yup, the weather is really nice today.”

Customer: “Oh, no, today is a good day because it’s the day Christ rose for us after dying for our sins!”

(Not being particularly religious, I simply smile politely and finish handing out his change, and he sits down. When he comes up to the counter a few minutes later for his food, he notices the promotional signs.)

Customer: “Oh! I didn’t notice that earlier. Could I get my second one now?”

Me: “I’m so sorry, sir, but by our policy, you have to buy both during the same transaction to get the promotional offer.”

Customer: *frowning* “But you know I already bought one.”

Me: *smiling apologetically* “I know it seems silly, but even if you haven’t left the store, I have to follow policy. The owners are pretty strict about being consistent. I’m really sorry.”

(The man stands there for a minute, looking at the signs on the menu, then looks back to me smiling.)

Customer: “I think Jesus would want you to give me the 99 cent [Item].”

Me: *taken off guard* “I… I’m sorry, sir, but I still can’t break policy.”

Customer: *shrugs and starts to take his food back to his seat* “Well, Jesus loves you, anyway!”

(The man and his family finished their meals without incident, but I have to say, that was the first time I’d ever had anyone use Jesus as a way to get around a policy, and after letting their child steal!)

Related
What Would Jesus Discount?, Part 4
What Would Jesus Discount?, Part 3
What Would Jesus Discount?, Part 2

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(I work in a help desk environment, and the majority of the calls we get are for password reset.)

Me: “Help desk. [My Name] speaking.”

Caller: “Yes, I need my password reset, please. I can’t remember it.”

(I take the user’s details and provide her with a new password.)

Me: “The password is the name of the company you work for.”

Caller: “How do I spell that?”

(We have one of our many unusual customers in doing Easter shopping. She comes back the next day to get a price adjustment.)

Customer: “Oh, thanks. I hope you have a great Easter!”

(We wish her a happy Easter, and as she’s walking away she gives my manager who helped her a huge grin.)

Customer: “I hope the Easter Bunny sits on your face!”

(This was said brightly, with no hint of any alternate meaning or malice, and left us both standing there stunned for several moments. It was one of the strangest things I have ever heard a customer say.)

(Many years ago, there was a TV show called “What Not To Wear,” which consisted of two “fashion stylists” getting members of the public with “poor” dress sense and outfitting them with clothes that suited their shape, colouring, etc., with the usual big reveal to friends and family at the end. Predictably, there’s a whole series of books based on the series to enable the average person to better style themselves. I work in a book shop. It’s a very quiet morning, and there’s only a few customers in the store. There’s a middle-aged gentleman and one of the regular customers — a slightly crazy lady — waiting to be served.)

Me: “Hello, sir, how can I help?”

Customer #1: “Could I have a copy of ‘What Not To Wear’?”

Customer #2: “Well, those trainers for a start!”

Me: *determined not to react* “Certainly, sir. I’ll go fetch you a copy.”

(I dash off quickly to grab the book, resisting the urge to look at the guy’s trainers when I leave the counter. In the meantime, the man is having a blazing row with the crazy regular. I bring the book back, only to be dragged into the argument. The crazy customer disappears, leaving me to try and pacify the irate man. After spending ten minutes with him somehow blaming me for the woman’s critique of his outfit, he buys the book, while continuing to rant to me. Finally, he leaves and the crazy woman comes back.)

Me: *trying very hard not to shout at her* “How can I help?”

Customer #2: “I only meant it as a joke. Can’t he take a joke?”

Me: *through gritted teeth* “I’m afraid he took it quite personally. How can I help?”

Customer #2: “Honestly, I was only having a joke.” *thinks for a moment* “They were awful trainers, though.”

Me: “I couldn’t possibly say, not being able to see them from behind the counter. Do you need any help?”

Customer #2: *starts wandering off muttering* “Can’t take a joke…”

(No apology or anything, despite hearing the guy ranting for ages to me. We did all have a laugh about it in the staff room, but I never saw him again to see if he upgraded his dress sense.)

(I’m working the evening shift when an older lady comes into the store and up to my work station.)

Customer: “Hi, do you have a box I can borrow? There is a bat outside on the ground, and I would like to take it to a vet.”

Me: “Of course. Here you go.”

(About ten minutes pass when the same lady comes into the store again with the now-closed box in her shopping cart.)

Customer: *looks at me and then at the box* “Oh, don’t worry. He’s safe in the box. He was just a little cold out there on the ground, but I got him now.”

Me: *too dumbfounded to say anything else* “Okay, let us know if you need anything.” *over the headsets* “Yeah, [Coworker], there’s a lady in the store with a live bat in a box.”

(My coworker then helped her get what she needed and sent her on her way as if nothing happened.)