Attack Of The Snail Spiders

, , , , , | | Romantic | June 9, 2019

Me: *screams* “There’s a snail on my side of the tent! Get it off!”

Partner: “Why can’t you just be afraid of spiders like a normal person?”

Me: “Spiders are more common than snails, so you’d have to deal with the screaming girlfriend issue much more frequently.”

Partner: “Good point…”

The Terror Of Sports Fans

, , , , | | Right | May 1, 2019

(There is a sports competition called Super Rugby, which features sides from Argentina, Australia, New Zealand, and South Africa, with sides travelling to face each other over a period of a few months. All the matches are televised in all the nations. It’s Saturday lunchtime at the newspaper where I work, and the phone rings.)

Me: “Good day, [Newspaper].”

Caller: *who sounds a bit grumpy* “Why wasn’t the match between the Highlanders [another NZ team] and Christchurch Crusaders on this morning?”

Me: “The NZ Rugby Union cancelled it, sir, because of the terror attack in Christchurch yesterday.”

Caller: “But they are professionals; they should have played!”

Me: “…”

Thinking With Your Brain By Landing On Your Butt

, , , , , , , | Learning | March 22, 2019

I teach at a Montessori school, and one day, I was standing by the classroom door watching and greeting the kids as they left for their next class. As they were walking, a little boy bumped into a little girl and she fell down, landing on her buttocks. This girl is a child who easily cries, and the little boy watched her as her face started to crumble.

Normally, what would happen: the girl would cry and most probably come and complain to me that the little boy pushed her and she fell and got hurt. I could see that it was an honest mistake that the boy bumped into her and in my mind, I had already started thinking about how I was going to handle the situation.

I’m not kidding about what happened next. The little boy looked me straight in the eye and, less than a second later, threw himself down on the floor, landing on his buttocks, as well. He got up, slowly rubbing his back, and went over to the little girl and held out his hand to help her up. He said, “I’m sorry, [Little Girl]. Seems like we bumped into each other. Oh, no!”

The little girl was definitely looking slightly shocked. but she took his hand, got up, dusted herself off, and said, “Oops, sorry!” They walked off, smiling and waving goodbye to me. I was standing there with a stupefied expression, wondering just what the heck had happened.

That little boy is a genius. He avoided a scene and he knew it. This incident took place in literally a few seconds. The intelligence of children never fails to amaze me.

Strange Times At The Used Car Lot

, , , , , | Working | March 19, 2019

(I am at a used car market which is basically a free-for-all, buy-at-your-own-risk affair. I am an ethnic Chinese woman, and it looks like there are no other people of East Asian descent or women shopping alone. This is a collection of some of the characters.)

Me: “Can I start the car and see how it runs?”

Old White Guy: “Why?”

(Another instance:)

Me: “Would you take R55,000 for this?”

Guy: “No, but can I have your number?”

(Another instance:)

Old Indian Guy: “My son is a dealer. I’ll give you his address. Don’t buy cars from black guys; a lot of them are stolen.”

(Another instance:)

(The reaction of multiple guys when I ask about maintenance issues:)

Them: “Do you have a husband/brother/father at home?”

(Another instance:)

Young Indian Guy: “Hey! Over here! I have the perfect car for you!” *points at a tiny, ugly, subcompact of an unfamiliar make I have to Google*

Me: “Do you think I’m going to buy some random China car just because I’m Chinese?”

Hoping You Were Cat-atonic

, , , | Right | March 6, 2019

(I work in the consumer care department of a pet food manufacturer.)

Me: “[My Name] speaking; how may I assist you?”

Caller: “Hi there. I buy your cat food, and for some reason all three of my cats are refusing to eat this new bag of food; something must be wrong with it. They just refuse to eat it at all!”

Me: “All right. Could you advise if there seems to be anything physically amiss with it? Does it look or smell different?”

Caller: “No, but they won’t eat it, so there must be something wrong! My cats are starving; they have nothing else to eat now!”

Me: “All right. I’ll just need a few details off of the bag, and then I can have a replacement delivered to you. We will also have the remaining food collected to do testing on it, to see if anything is wrong with it.”

Caller: “Oh, great! Uh… When might you arrive to collect the food? There might not be anything left by then; I have to keep feeding this food to my cats until you give me the replacement.”

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