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Love The Way His Brain Is Fireworking

, , , , | Right | December 30, 2020

I am waiting to board a plane on 30th December, sitting next to a family.

Young Boy: “I’m glad we’re not flying on the 31st.”

Mum: “I’ve flown on the 31st of December before. There’s nothing wrong with it.”

Young Boy: “I don’t want to get hit by a firework.”

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Epidemiology Versus Dermatology

, , , , , | Right | September 25, 2020

We are in a pretty well-known chocolate store in a mall just browsing around while waiting for something to be made.

A lady, around fifty, walks in and the worker behind the counter offers her hand sanitizer due to the current health situation. I notice this lady is also not wearing a mask. She then starts to complain and go off at the worker stating.

Customer: “Ah, all you people with your hand sanitizer. Don’t you know how bad this is for your skin?”

I just turn around and do the dismissive hand gesture and continue browsing.

Customer: “Well, screw you, too.”

I don’t acknowledge this and continue browsing, at which point she shouts a little louder.

Customer: “Screw you, too!”

She stormed out the shop. I am sooo sorry that a little hand sanitizer is going to be bad for your skin.

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Karate Man Versus The Ninja

, , , , , , | Related | November 29, 2019

When I was in third grade, I often struggled to sleep. As most young kids do in that case, I would go to my parents.

I had not learnt how to tell time yet but knew that if the light in the hallway was on that at least one of my parents was still awake and in the living room. 

It was on. 

So, little, tired me walked into the living room — at what I later learned was 2:00 am — to see the back of my dad as he was turning off the TV and other devices. 

To get his attention, I tapped his shoulder.

His black-belt karate instincts kicked in and the only reason I wasn’t knocked out was that I was tiny. 

After much whisper-shouting, and after he realized that he had nearly punched his child, he finally got me to bed. I had to promise to always announce my presence from a distance and for a while carried the nickname of “Little Mouse.”

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Someone Was Asking For It

, , , , | Working | August 14, 2019

(It’s some time before sunrise on a cold, rainy day. I decide to stop by a fast food restaurant on my way to work. While ordering, it seems to me that the lady on the microphone isn’t feeling too happy, and who can blame her with this weather? I decide to help out.)

Me: “Listen, can I buy you guys some coffee? How many of you are in there right now?”

Worker: “Really? There’s five of us.”

Me: “Okay, add five coffees to the bill. Enjoy!”

(She thanks me and everything proceeds as normal. But as I’m paying, the manager stomps up to the window, utterly livid. All but yelling, he points a stabbing finger at the worker.)

Manager: “Did they ask for coffees?!”

(I don’t figure out immediately what he is implying and wonder whether one of them may have wanted some other drink.)

Me: “Yeah, they all did.”

Worker: *suddenly struck with terror* “No! No!”

(I realize that the manager means whether the worker asked me to get them something in the first place, and I panic slightly, not wanting them to get into trouble.)

Me: “Oh! No, they didn’t ask first, I offered… Everyone looked miserable and I thought I’d cheer them up! On my own initiative! It was my idea!”

Manager: *crossing his arms skeptically* “Really. Okay, here’s your meal.” *hands me my meal* “Good-bye.”

(As I drive off, I look in my rear-view mirror to see the manager sticking his head out of the window, sneering, and shaking his head, before going back inside abruptly and slamming the window. I get that there may have been some earlier incident to bring on this hefty reaction, but wow, guy. I only hope the workers didn’t get into further trouble. What a way to start the week.)

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Every Racist Bone In His Body

, , , , | Right | October 19, 2018

(I am a manager at a particular restaurant with very high after-church trade. A well dressed fella enters, making it known to all that he’s the pastor of a local church. After sitting down, having a drink, and ordering a meal; he calls me over.)

Customer: ‘Go tell one of those [awful racist slur] to dig in the bin for bones for my dog.”

Me: *shocked* “Excuse me? One of those whats?”

Customer: *repeats racial slur and points at one of the waiters* “One of those things!”

Me: “Here we refer to people who deliver your food as waiters, not that. We don’t tolerate hate speech.”

Customer: “Well, just tell it to get me bones!”

Me: “Tell HER, and she has a name. You won’t like this but her job is not digging in dustbins and I neither can nor will I insist that she digs in bins. If you want bones, you’re welcome to get them yourself.”

Customer: “I’m a pastor and a customer! If I want a [racist slur] to dig in a bin for me, you damn well will make it happen.”

Me: “Sir, whatever you think of her is up to you. However, she is a human being, she WILL be treated with respect. I believe you might enjoy dining elsewhere. Please leave.”

Customer: “F*** you! You’re nothing but a [racist slur] lover. I’m reporting you.”

Me: “Be my guest. Goodbye.”

(Next day I got a call from head office. Turned out he did report me. Sadly for him, instead of a reprimand, they were well chuffed he got kicked out. The service agent he called also heard countless slurs used.)

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