Hats Off To Humor

, , , , , | Right | September 23, 2020

One day after work, I decide to run a well-known store for groceries and while I’m there, I decide to buy some beer. I’m twenty-six and I usually look at least my age or older because I’m losing my hair from the front rather than the back. Today, I’m wearing my T-shirt from work and a hat.

Cashier: “I need to see your ID. You don’t look twenty-one.”

Me: *Takes off my hat* “Now I do!”

The cashier, the lady behind me in line, and I all burst out laughing.

1 Thumbs
333

At 18 They Will Get High On Cough Medicine, While Hunting, Spraying Trees

, , , | Right | September 18, 2020

When certain items are scanned through the system, it prompts the employees to card someone to verify their age. I am at self-checkout when two boys come up, I’m guessing somewhere in the ballpark of 12 to 14, with a can of spray paint. They scan it, I get the prompt and walk over.

Me: “You boys over 18?”

Boy #1: “Uh… no…”

Me: “Then I’m afraid I can’t let you buy this without your parents.”

I take the can away and they walk off, dejected. A few minutes pass and the same two boys return, this time with some cough medicine. It scans, I get the prompt, I head over.

Me: “You boys over 18?”

Boy #2: “Uh… yes!”

Me: “Great! You got your ID on you?”

Boy #1: *Lowers head* “No…”

Me: “‘fraid I can’t let you buy this then.”

I take the cough syrup away, cancel out their order and they slink away. They come back a 3rd time, a few minutes later, this time with an R-rated movie. Scan, prompt, walk over.

Me: “You boys over 18?”

Both Boys: “Yes!”

Me: “Got your IDs?”

Boy #1: “We… uh… left them out in the car.”

Me: “Well I’ll just hold this here for you while you go out and get it.”

Boy #2: “…we’re not over 18, we don’t have an ID.”

Me: “Then I’m afraid I can’t let you buy this.”

Orders canceled, they walk away grumbling. The fourth time they come back with some sort of hunting knife. I laugh to myself and before they even scan it I call out to them.

Me: “You boys got your ID’s on ya this time?”

The boys look at me, look at each other, then at me, then their eyes go wide. I think they only then realized I was the same guy they’d come to the last three times. They promptly dropped the knife and ran out the door.

 To this day I don’t know if they were just not getting that the self-checkout checks for this thing as much as the manned check-out lines, or if they actually thought their excuses would work.

1 Thumbs
361

Underaged And Under Observation

, , , , , , | Right | August 20, 2020

I am twenty-seven years old. I am wearing a pink and white coat, my hair is rather long, and I am holding my purse. I go in to the movie theatre.

Me: “Hi, can I get a ticket to the 8:30 pm showing of [Film]?”

Cashier: “Okay. $7.”

The customer behind me speaks up.

Customer: “Hey, baby, didn’t I see ya last night?”

I was at home all night.

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Course you were; you were at that pink building.”

I am very confused. He proceeds to get a camera out and show me a picture. It is a girl DEFINITELY younger than me. She is dancing.

Me: “That’s… not me.”

Customer: “Sure it was, sweetie. You wanna get a soda together or go for another ride?”

I am feeling sick and light-headed. I also get very scared because I am CERTAIN the girl in the picture is underage.

Me: “Sir, I promise that I was in my home all last night. Besides, that girl is eighteen! I’m twenty-seven! And she could be younger; I have no idea.”

The cashier looks at the camera.

Cashier: “I know that girl. She’s on my street. It’s not you; you don’t have the tattoo. Boy, her mother’s gonna have a word with her.”

Customer: “So, she isn’t twenty-two?”

Cashier: “No, she’s at [High School].”

The customer went red and said he didn’t know. The “pink building” was a few blocks away and she stole her sister’s ID to work there.

1 Thumbs
375

For Goodness’ Sake!

, , , , | Right | June 4, 2020

My brother and I are on a shopping trip together, which includes a stop at the local liquor store to pick up some sake. My brother is a few days short of his twenty-first birthday, and I’m twenty-four. After finding what I want, I come up to the checkout with my brother.

Cashier: “That’ll be [total], and I’ll need to see both of your IDs.”

Me: “Actually, my brother’s under twenty-one, but I’m twenty-four. This is for me.”

Cashier: “Uh, sorry, you both need to be twenty-one or over. You could be buying this for your underage brother. In fact, there’s a sign on the door that under-twenty-ones aren’t allowed in at all.”

Belatedly, I remember seeing the sign.

Me: “Well, crap.”

Brother: “So, out of all the drinks in the store my brother could try to buy for me, you think I’d go for sake?”

Cashier: “Unlikely, but still possible. But since you were honest about him being underage, I think you were telling the truth.”

He rings us up. As we leave the store, I turn to my brother.

Me: “You couldn’t have been born a week earlier?”

1 Thumbs
296

Underaged And Over Confident

, , , , , | Right | May 25, 2020

My boyfriend works as a waiter at a local restaurant and bar. At ten o’clock pm on weekends, the kitchen closes and the bar stays open for another four hours. At this time, they post the two guys at the front and back entrance to check ID, as you have to be twenty-one to get in for the night.

I am at home when my boyfriend gets off work around 9:30, and he calls to ask if I want to meet up with him at the bar since he ran into an old friend of ours. Ecstatic, I agree. 

I get there and sit down with them a little after ten, when the door guys were just posted. Beyond [Boyfriend] and [Friend], there are three other girls I don’t recognize, although [Boyfriend] mentions he knows everyone but one from various places. Let’s call her [Customer]. She ends up sitting at the end of the table, not drinking anything, and just texting on her phone, which doesn’t matter to me at the time.

About ten minutes into us catching up, joking around, and having a good time while talking about trying out a new bar a few blocks down, [Door Guy #2] comes up to our table and goes to the girl on her phone.

Door Guy #2: “Hey, are you [Customer]?”

Customer: “Yeah?”

[Door Guy #2] pulls out his phone.

Door Guy #2: “Okay, well, I just got these messages you just sent to my sister about being underage and sneaking in here, so, is this you?”

Customer: “Well, yeah, that’s me, but no, I didn’t send them.”

We’re all watching, confused at this, because he’s showing the messages to us, things like, “lol tell your husband [Door Guy #1] that I’m twenty-one,” and, “got in before the kitchen closed and now I’m in here underage!” She’d sent these to the wife of [Door Guy #1], who happened to be the sister of [Door Guy #2], knowing she was the wife of one of the guys checking ID at the door. We had no idea she was underage, and on top of it, she begins to now argue with him, raising her voice into a shriek. [Door Guy #2] is patient but firm.

Door Guy #2: “Okay, well it’s after kitchen close, and you have to be twenty-one to be in here.”

Customer: “But [Door Guy #1] let me in!”

Door Guy #2: “And I’m asking you to leave. You can’t be in here now if you’re under twenty-one.”

Customer: “But I turn twenty-one in eight days!”

Door Guy #2: “Okay, then come see me in eight days. You need to leave. I don’t care if the rest of you stay.”

All her friends chime in at this point about how they are going to another bar anyway and they can walk her to her car. She wants to argue some more, but they finally convince her to go. I decide I don’t want to deal with any of that, so I stay and hang out with another friend I met and cool down since I’m pretty embarrassed.

My boyfriend offers to walk them to the other bar, so he’s there with them when they go outside. She immediately turns on him since he works there.

Customer: “This is so stupid! They can’t kick me out like this!”

Boyfriend: “Yes, they can. You have to be twenty-one to be there after the restaurant closes, and you aren’t.”

Customer: “Yeah, but I got let in!”

Boyfriend: “Before it closed, when you still could have ordered food. But it’s 10:30 now; he had every right to kick you out.”

Customer: “I wasn’t even drinking!”

Boyfriend: “Yes, but you decided to stupidly text and brag about being in there underage. We could lose our liquor license for that if you had gotten a drink! If you hadn’t said anything, I’m sure they would have let you sit there with your friends for a while, but having text evidence like that is dumb.”

Customer: “I just don’t think it’s right that they kicked me out! I turn twenty-one in eight days! You don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m calling the manager.”

She pulls out her phone right there and calls the bar manager to complain about being kicked out of a bar for being underage not once, but three times that night. Every time, the bar manager basically tells her to bugger off. Later in the night, we catch up with the Door Guys, who roll their eyes about the whole thing.

Door Guy #1: “If you actually sneak into a bar underage, why would you be stupid enough to text someone both the doormen are related to and brag about it?”

Door Guy #2: “I dunno, but she did do us a huge favor! [Bar Manager] is going to tell the owner that we had three separate calls tonight congratulating us on doing our jobs!”

Door Guy #1: “After this stunt, she might even get banned.”

Door Guy #2: “What a dumba**.”

I haven’t the slightest idea on if she actually got banned, but she did ruin it for everyone else and now her friends won’t go out with her after the scene she made. She can find another bar. Good riddance.

1 Thumbs
364