New Year’s is a very popular time for pet boarding, especially with dogs. The owners want to go out and party, but it’s hard to leave pets at home alone when there are lots of fireworks. As a result, we get booked up pretty fast.

It’s the evening of New Year’s Eve, and a woman walks in with two dogs.

Me: “Good evening! What’s the name?”

Customer: “Oh, my name is [Name].”

Me: “I’m not seeing a reservation under that name.”

Customer: “Well, there wouldn’t be, as I don’t have one.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we’ve been fully booked for tonight since about September.”

Customer: “You can’t fit in two more dogs? They’re only small!”

Me: “No, ma’am. We’re at capacity. We legally can’t hold any more animals tonight.”

Customer: “They’re very well behaved. They can both fit in one cage.”

Me: “No, ma’am. We’re… at… capacity.”

Customer: “Ugh! This is insane! You should open more cages for holidays!”

She storms out and starts shouting at someone on the phone, maybe a dog sitter? Either way, not my problem, until…

About ten minutes later, a customer who DOES have a reservation walks in, and tells me:

Other Customer: “You know there are two small dogs tied to the post outside your door, right?”

Me: “You gotta be kidding.”

I go outside, and right there, as described, are the customer’s two small dogs, whining about having been left behind. There’s a note attached to the collar of one of them.

Note: “If there’s no room for a cage, just keep them in your lobby! They’re fun and cute! I’ll be back tomorrow morning for them.”

No, she will NOT be back tomorrow morning for them. She will have to take it up with the police and the ASPCA!

I couldn’t get anyone to come and get them that night, so I kept them with me with the other night worker and made sure they were warm and fed (and kept calm during the fireworks). A local animal shelter was able to send someone to collect them around 7 AM.

Sometime around midday, the woman who abandoned her pets stumbled in, obviously a little tired from partying all night, and was informed that her dogs were not with us.

Customer: “What! Where are my babies! You kidnapped them!”

Me: “Please call the police to report the crime, then, ma’am. Tell them you were the woman who abandoned her dogs to attend a New Year’s party. They should know who you are from that description. Good luck and Happy New Year!”

I didn’t mean that last part…

I used to work at a doggie daycare on the Upper West Side in New York, and we had some very… “colorful” clientele.

One of my favorite stories happened with a fairly new client and her cute little poodle mix.

New Client: “I would like to bring Roscoe in for boarding this week. It’ll be his first time away from home.”

Me: “That’s great! I’d be happy to give you a tour of the boarding area and the schedule so you can see what he’ll be doing and where he’ll be sleeping.”

New Client: “That would be great.”

We head into the boarding area, and as I’m showing her around, she seems to get more and more uncomfortable with the different areas. She occasionally stops and emits a “hmmm” as if she’s studying the architecture of the facility. I will pause to say that this is probably one of the nicest doggie daycares I’ve ever worked in.

We finally get to the kennels where the dogs sleep at night, and this client seems to lose it.

New Client: “Oh! Oh, this will not do! How can you put dogs in here?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’m not sure I understand. Our kennels are temperature controlled, they have access to fresh running water, they’re rated for safety, they have raised beds, and there is enough space for them to move around comfortably.”

New Client: “This is a disgrace! I can’t believe you allow dogs in here!”

Me: “Ma’am, what part of this room is upsetting you exactly?”

New Client: “They’re…” *whispered* “…orange!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, they are orange…”

New Client: “I can’t believe you would put a dog in an orange room! It’s disgusting! It’s cruel! You must repaint this room for my dog to stay here! He can’t live like this!”

This rant about “orange” goes on for over five minutes.

Me: “Ma’am… you do know that dogs cannot actually see the color orange, right?”

The new client looked more confused than I’ve ever seen anyone look. Either she wasn’t aware that the spectrum of color a dog can access did not, in fact, include orange, or she just had a problem with the color herself. Either way, after a conversation about how dogs see color, she calmed down and boarded her dog.

I do dog-sitting visits through an app. My friend — and I use that term loosely because we haven’t spoken in over five years, but we are connected on Facebook — reaches out through the Facebook messaging app.

Friend: “Hey, girl! I saw you’re on [App]. Do you like it?”

Me: “Yeah, it’s fun. I get to hang out with lots of pets, and the owners get to go do their own thing. Are you signing up? I have a referral code if you want to use it.”

Friend: “No, I was wondering if you could come visit my house this weekend.”

Me: “Oh, okay. Yeah, go ahead and put it in.”

It’s Thursday, which means any appointments booked for the next forty-eight hours (Friday or Saturday) are an extra charge per request per day. She puts the request through and my jaw drops.

She has six dogs and four cats.

On top of that, she has notes on each animal saying there are small animals — three rabbits, two lizards, a couple of fish, and a hermit crab — that need care, as well. I usually don’t charge for things that don’t require a lot of interaction like fish or hermit crabs, but the rabbits and lizards should be an additional few dollars per pet.

She wants one-hour visits four times a day on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. The total for the weekend as it is written is about $500. I do the math on the animals she only wrote in the notes and realize she is shorting me almost $100 across the three days.

Friend: “Holy f***, you are expensive! LOL, can you cut me a deal?”

Me: “Um… Well, you didn’t even actually add the small animals, which is giving you a good discount. I’m not even sure I can get all of these taken care of in an hour, to be honest.”

Friend: “I was thinking maybe, like, $75.”

Me: “$75 for what? The unlisted animals?”

I am considering this as a take-it-or-leave-it style offer, and then she replies:

Friend: “LOL, for the visits.”

Me: “For all the visits?”

Friend: “I’m a single mom! You do this because you love it, right? Help me out. I’ll tell everyone to hire you. You don’t even have kids; you don’t understand budgeting properly.”

Me: “I am familiar with budgeting and paying people appropriately. Gas is expensive, the address you listed is forty-five minutes from my house, and — again — you skipped listing several animals. All of those visits for one dog would be more than $75. I’m sorry. I am willing to cut you a deal if you pay in cash, but it’s going to be $400.”

Friend: “Are you serious? You’re a s***ty friend.”

Me: “We haven’t spoken in years, and you popped up out of nowhere to ask for a favor. You’re a s***ty person.”

I deleted her from my friend list and rejected the visit request, noting all the animals she listed as “care notes” as the reason for the rejection.

I work at a pet store that does boarding, too. My family is going on vacation and boarding the family dogs. I get a call from my mom saying they aren’t letting Riley stay. I’m very confused, because I double-checked that they had all their shots and paperwork in order. I go over and ask what the problem is.

Front Desk Agent: “That’s a pit bull mix! You know we don’t board pit bulls! [My Name], you know better, and I’ve already called a manager over because your mother is arguing with me.”

Me: “Okay.”

I wait for the manager.

Manager: “What’s the problem?”

Front Desk Agent: “They’re trying to board a pit bull mix!”

Manager: “Are you talking about the lab?”

I pull out Riley’s six-generation AKC pedigree from his paperwork folder.

Me: “A pure-bred liver-nosed yellow English (show) Labrador retriever.”

Mom: “That’s what I kept telling her!”

[Front Desk Agent] had never seen an English (show) lab. They are tanks with bowling ball heads. She got taken off the desk for a while, my mom got a discounted stay, and apparently, Riley got to meet everyone so they could spot a pure-bred Labrador.

I work at a dog hotel. I drive twenty-one miles each way. It’s in California in the city, so it’s considered a long way. A coworker lives fifty miles one way.

One day a new coworker, my current coworker, and I are talking:

Me: “The commute can really suck if you live far away from work.”

New Coworker: “Yeah, I get money on my gas card from grocery shopping at [Grocery Store] through their rewards system, but my car is completely electric! It doesn’t use gas at all.”

Current Coworker: *Joking.* “Haha! [My Name] and I would be happy to put that gas money to good use!”

New Coworker: “Take it. I’m serious.”

My current coworker drives farther so I say nothing more so the they can have it instead; I live happily with my family.

Current Coworker: “Really? Are you sure?”

New Coworker: “Of course, it’s going to expire soon anyways!”

She tells her the information and my current coworker is so grateful, she’s about to cry.

Current Coworker: “How much is on it?”

I assume $100-$200. Every penny counts.

New Coworker: “I don’t know, like one or two thousand?”

The current coworker officially starts crying. Now she’s able to actually save up for a new apartment and leave her toxic parents’ house.

That new coworker hasn’t even been here for a week, and she gave them $2k in gas money!! Pretty soon that coworker is going to be able to adopt a dog! (Her parents will kick her out if she gets one.)