I work in an office, and I’m training a new guy in his first couple of weeks on his job. It’s gone well so far. He listens to instructions, asks questions when he doesn’t understand something or needs clarifications, and is slowly but surely working his way up to being a decent worker.

One day, I’m in the breakroom for lunch with some nachos and a separate little dish for the salsa. I am eating and looking at my phone when [New Guy] comes in and, apparently — I’m not aware of him looking at me at first — watches as I dip a chip, take a bite, and then dip the same chip again.

New Guy: “Ew, did you just double-dip?”

I look up and blink at him.

Me: “Uh, yes? I’m the only one eating these.”

He crosses his arms like a child.

New Guy: “Well, what if I wanted some?”

Me: *Staring at him* “…First of all, you ask. Like an adult would do.”

New Guy: *Puffing up* “Well, I’m not going to ask now. You double-dipped.”

Me: “The answer would have been no anyway; they’re my lunch, and I wasn’t planning on sharing. You’re not entitled to a chip.”

New Guy: *Suddenly shouting* “Well, why not?! Would it have killed you to be nice?! My mother always shared her lunch with me when I came to her office! Why can’t you?! I just want some stupid chips!”

I just keep staring at this point, confused and a bit insulted by this guy’s entitlement that, from my perspective, has come literally out of nowhere. My lack of response just seems to make him even angrier, as he storms out of the room, kicking the table on the way out and almost sending my nachos to the floor, but I catch them and the salsa before they make a mess. I turn to look at the door, hearing his stomping footsteps as they retreat down the hall, and I catch the eyes of another coworker who poked her head into the room after hearing the commotion.

I can only shrug when she asks what happened, explaining that I just said I wasn’t going to share my lunch with him.

Coworker: “I think he’s heading for [Boss]’s office.”

Me: “Okay, well, let’s see how that goes for him.”

I go back to my nachos.

About ten minutes after the end of my lunch break, I’m called into [Boss]’s office. [New Guy] is nowhere to be seen, and when I enter the room, [Boss] just looks tired. He motions for me to sit.

Boss: “Just so you know, you’re not in trouble. I sent [New Guy] home because he cursed at me, but please, give me your side of the story.”

Me: “Not much to tell. I basically told him I wasn’t going to share my nachos with him and… he freaked out.”

Boss: *Nods* “Yep, that’s what he told me, too. He used more… colorful language… including a slur I won’t be repeating.”

Me: *Blinks* “Like what? Something racist?”

Boss: “No, it was more that he insinuated that you were a trans person, and he used the… insulting term.”

Me: “Because I wouldn’t offer him some of my nachos?”

Boss: *Shrugs helplessly* “I’ve already started the paperwork to terminate his employment here. I don’t care how good a worker he’d have ended up being; that behavior was unacceptable. The fact that it was over some nachos is just the cherry on top.”

Me: “Is it bad that I’m kinda happy that he exposed that side of himself early before it was a future problem?”

Boss: “No, I was going to say the same thing; The termination paperwork is easier if it’s still the probationary period. You can head back to work now. Go ahead and take a bit of extra time for a break if you need it.”

Me: “Nah, he didn’t really upset me that much. I was just confused.”

[Boss] and I shared a chuckle before I headed back to work.

The next day, I heard from [Boss] that [New Guy] sent an email as soon as he got home saying, among other things, that he quit. [Boss] gave me the cliff notes that, basically, [New Guy] apparently didn’t think he’d done anything wrong and didn’t understand how I was so selfish when I had “so many” chips and “wouldn’t miss one”. The cherry on top of the letter, [Boss] said while laughing, was that he ended the whole rant with, “And I hope [My Name] never gets to share her lunch with anyone, because apparently she’s entitled to every bite.”

[Boss] offered to print it out and laminate it for me, but I declined; I’m content with having my own nachos and eating them, too.

I work in an office building owned by a moderately sized tech company. In our employee café, we have two vending machines that have some operational issues. The machine doesn’t seem capable of doing math properly and will commonly say you have “Insufficient Credits” after buying a single $1.00 drink, even though you are pre-authorized for $5 when you swipe your card. This makes it rather hard to get more than one drink if you are trying to get something for yourself and your coworkers.

One day, I walk in just in time to witness [Employee #1] at the vending machine.

Employee #1: “NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON!”

She slams her forehead into the machine, I assume not knowing how thick the glass is. This causes her to fall backward. She ends up hitting a low bench and falling backward over it, taking out the bench, several potted plants, a rather large Christmas decoration, and one of the table-and-chair sets. She sighs, lying in the results of the chaos, and I walk up. 

Me: “Are you using the machine?”

Employee #1: “Oh, no. Please, go ahead.”

Me: “Do you need help?”

Employee #1: “I’m good down here.”

Me: “Do you need… mental help?”

Employee #1: “Don’t we all?”

Me: “What did the machine do to you?”

Employee #1: “I swiped for $5 and got one bottle of water. Then, it said I had insufficient credits to get another one. Then, I swiped again, and it went into cash-only mode, so I put a dollar in it, but apparently, when you use cash, there’s a fifty-cent upcharge. And then, it wouldn’t give me my dollar back.”

Me: “Ah.”

Employee #1: “Yeah.”

Me: “How has the rest of your day been? Been okay?”

Employee #1: “Absolute bulls***.”

She proceeds to tell me about her day, project deadlines, a manager who needs a foot up his a**, bad clients, and unhelpful IT representatives, as we clean up the mess she made and I evaluate her for injuries. 

Apparently, her manager has been overloading her. Every time someone can’t finish something or he doesn’t trust them to do it, he forces it on her with no extension of deadlines and no increase in compensation. As a result, her work quality and speed have obviously dropped, and that same manager is now threatening to demote her, fire her, or cut her pay.

She says she demanded that everyone take back their work and that the load be redistributed, but the manager replied, “That’s not within the goals of the department,” and, “Your coworkers are comfortable where they are; it would be unfair to increase their workloads.” She says it’s possible that he is playing favorites, and when she called him out on it, he threatened to fire her again. 

Somewhere around the end of her story, another employee comes in and goes to the vending machine. 

Employee #2: “Hey! Free dollar!”

He takes a dollar out of the bill accepter. We have no idea when it was dispensed. 

Me: “Oh, that’s hers!” *Gesturing to [Employee #1]*

Employee #2: “Finders keepers!” *Laughs*

Employee #1: “Is that what [Secretary] said when she stole you from your wife?”

There is dead silence in the room. [Employee #2] is very much still happily married. He silently returns the dollar to [Employee #1] and leaves the room without even buying his drink. 

Me: “Who the h*** was that?”

Employee #1: “That was my manager.”

Me: “Oh. Oh, no.”

Employee #1: “God, that felt good. I’m going to go up there and quit. F*** this place.”

I have no idea what happened when [Employee #1] went upstairs, but she didn’t quit. Rumor has it that she went up to her office, decided, “F*** it,” and phoned the owner of the company. He was shocked to learn about her gripes.

The owner then went to [Employee #1]’s manager’s manager, and they looked into everything together. Whatever they found triggered an investigation that spread throughout the company and led to a restructuring.

[Employee #1] is now in her previous manager’s position, and ever since her promotion, the second-floor employees have all been much happier. The owner of the company is now also around more, switching from a nearly pure work-from-home schedule to being in the building four out of his five working days. 

The vending machines are still there, though. 

I never got to ask [Employee #1] why she shouted, “Neil deGrasse Tyson!” before headbutting the machine, but I have a meeting with her soon, so maybe it will come up.

I once had to drive to the airport to pick up my housemate. I had circled through the pick-up area a couple of times already and was making a third circuit when I had to stop because there was a crosswalk in front of me and pedestrians were using it.

One of the officers who controlled traffic there immediately started blowing their whistle and yelling at me.

Officer: “Keep moving! There’s no stopping unless you’re actively picking someone up.”

There were pedestrians literally DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF MY CAR. And it’s not like I was driving some behemoth of a vehicle that was blocking his view; at the time, I drove a 1993 Volvo 940 turbo station wagon. He could clearly see the people in the crosswalk. I guess he just really wanted me to run them over.

For the record, I chose to wait until I WOULDN’T risk committing vehicular manslaughter before driving out of the pick-up area, going to the parking structure, and texting my housemate that I’d meet her on foot to help her carry her luggage to the car.

There was a dentist convention in town. I was working in a Michelin-starred restaurant, and these guys were well-off, so we got a lot of them through the door.

This couple came in looking a little “boisterous” but nothing to raise alarms. Then, they ate for four hours, and they took breaks, which constantly messed up the timing of the kitchen. This included a half-hour “cigarette” break — on phones, making out, [drugs], etc.

After four hours and three bottles of wine, they ordered another bottle of wine. We cut them off, and that’s when it got really fun.

The “gentleman” went to the restroom (to do more drugs again, based on the white stuff dripping out of his nose), and as he returned, he walked by two tables and made a jacking-off motion toward them while making obscene noises, yet still continuing toward his table.

The next thing the couple did was complain (lie) that everything wasn’t good, and even though they’d eaten everything and had been given good service, they refused to pay. We locked and blocked the door because the bill was $1,100. Eventually, we threatened to call the cops, so they paid, left no tip, and laughed their way out the door.

After calling my manager a “sleazeball” and telling him he “should be a used car salesman”, the a**clown dentist gave him a twenty-dollar bill and told him with a smile, “For your service.”

My manager wadded it up, threw it into the back of his head, and then shut and locked the door.

I am working at a call center when I hear some shouting at the entrance to the office. I see my manager running up to a group of firefighters.

Firefighter: “Why are you all still here?! The building is being evacuated!”

I am confused. I haven’t heard any alarms or anything.

Manager: “It’s just a false alarm, right? These things are never real!”

Wait… the manager knew something was up?

Firefighter: “We’re here to assess that threat! Someone called in a bomb threat! Why are you all still here?!”

Manager: “Look, just do what you need to do, and if you find a bomb, then we’ll evacua—”

Firefighter: “Out! Now! Get out, you unbelievable moron!”

The firefighter actually smashes one of his pieces of equipment against the wall, making a huge sound. I apologize to my caller, hang up, and start walking out.

Manager: “Where are you going?”

Me: “Away from the f****** bomb!”

Manager: “If you walk out now, you’ll be—”

Me: “I’ll be alive, you tw*t!”

The rest of the office left, and only then did we realize the whole building had been evacuated twenty minutes earlier! It turned out to be a false alarm, and my manager was all “I told you so,” but then when he tried to get me into trouble, I asked why none of us had heard the evacuation alarm.

It turned out that a small group of managers had found a way to mute the alarm for our floor, which is super illegal. They were not only fired but charged with endangering over thirty workers.

Last I heard, they were all doing prison time, just because they didn’t want the dent in their numbers that would risk their end-of-year bonuses.