I schedule referrals to my employer’s internal case management program. I am required to attempt multiple forms of contact before closing a referral for an inability to reach someone: two phone calls with a message, an electronic letter, and one or two physical letters to the person’s address. Also, if a person doesn’t show up to their scheduled appointment or cancels without rescheduling, I send them a letter asking if they still want to meet with a case manager.

I have some medical issues, one of which often causes me to sometimes say strings of numbers wildly incorrectly if I am not reading them simultaneously. Thus, I have my own phone number and extension in big, clear letters on a bright red sticky note on my phone, and I intentionally read it off when leaving it as a message to a patient.

I hear the following sorts of things dozens of times a month. 

Patient #1: “The phone number you sent in the letter was wrong; it called a restaurant! I couldn’t get ahold of you until I found your voicemail. You need to talk to whoever sends the letters!”

Me: “It’s the same number, [Patient #1]. I’m the one who sends the letters.”

Or…

Patient #2: “You gave me the wrong number in the voicemail. It called some lady in [Town] and she yelled at me.”

Me: “Oh, no! What was the number I gave you in the voicemail?”

Patient #2: “It was [my correct phone number].”

Me: “That is my phone number, [Patient #2].”

Or…

Patient #3: “I couldn’t reach you at first! I called and it never answered.”

Me: “What number did you call, [Patient #3]?”

Patient #3: “[Wildly different number]. It’s what was in the online message someone sent me.”

Me: *Checks the message* “Hmm, that’s not the number I sent you in the message.”

Or my favorite…

I call [Patient #4].

Patient #4: “Finally! I’ve been calling and calling you and no one has called me back.”

I check and see that I’ve called and sent [Patient #4] several communications.

Me: “I have been trying to reach you but haven’t received any phone calls from you. What number have you been calling, my dear?”

Patient #4: “[Wildly incorrect phone number].”

Me: “Goodness, that’s not my number at all. Where did you get it from?”

Patient #4: “One of the ladies in the waiting room said it was the best number.”

Me: “Did you call it instead of the number I left for you?”

Patient #4: “Yeah! She said it was the best!”

I Googled it later. It was for a crematorium.

I work in the balloon department at an old-time five-and-ten affiliated with a hardware chain. I have a paid balloon preorder ready for pick-up.

I’m working with a new customer when the preorder comes in to pick up. I pause the current customer to hand off the preorder.

Preorder Customer: “I’d like to add a few more balloons to my order.”

Me: “Okay, let me finish with my current customer so I can assist you.”

Preorder Customer: “But I’m just adding to my order.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m currently assisting this customer.”

The current customer was willing to step aside for the preorder… except I was low on helium. I told my current customer that I was low on helium, so I would continue to wait on him and the customer with the preorder would have to wait.

She didn’t want to wait and took her order and left.

Seriously, if you want to add to your order, you don’t get to bump a customer that I’m waiting on!

I work at the front desk of a clinic. The mother of one of our clients calls.

Caller: “Why hasn’t my son had an appointment with his case manager?”

Me: “Did you call to schedule one?”

Caller: “No. I didn’t know I needed to. Why wasn’t one made for him?”

Me: “Like many clinics, we don’t schedule appointments for people unless they ask for them.”

Caller: “How was I supposed to know that?!”

Me: “…”

I am working late at a veterinary hospital and a note was left for the doctor. The phone rings, and I answer.

Me: “[Veterinary Hospital], my name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Owner: *Politely* “Hi there. I left a note for the doctor this afternoon and I haven’t heard back yet. My pet’s name is [Pet] and my last name is [Owner’s Last Name]. I was wondering if we could fill antibiotics for my pet?”

Me: “Okay, let me look that up for you!” *Typing* “Oh, I see the doctor won’t be in until tomorrow. Sorry about that. My coworker should have let you know! She’ll get back to you tomorrow, but I’ll let you know that standardly the doctor does require a recheck exam prior to filling antibiotics, especially since it’s been a couple months since we’ve seen the pet!”

Owner: *Silence*

Me: *Pauses* “Ma’am, did I lose you?”

Owner: *Suddenly angry* “No, I heard you, but that’s theft.”

Me: *Shocked* “What?”

Owner: “That’s theft to demand a recheck!”

Me: “Ma’am, I was letting you know so you have a realistic expectation of tomorrow’s call with the doctor and to see if you wanted to make the appointment.”

Owner: “That’s theft!”

Me: *Sternly, getting back my senses* “No, it is not.”

Owner: “Yes, it is!”

Me: “Ma’am, if you continue yelling at me, I will have to hang up.”

Owner: *Yelling* “I’m not yelling!”

Me: “Yes. You are.”

Owner: “I’ll talk to the doctor tomorrow!” *Hangs up*

I work at the front desk of a clinic. One of our clinicians stops by the front desk.

Clinician: “When [Patient] arrives for their appointment, please call me at 130.”

Me: “Wait, for tomorrow?”

Clinician: “No, this afternoon.”

Me: “But it’s already 4:00!”

Coworker: “They mean extension 130, [My Name], not 1:30 pm!”

Me: “Oh. That makes much more sense.”