Your Milkshake Brings All The Drunks To The Yard

, , , , , | Right | June 4, 2020

I am working the night shift at a milkshake cafe when a clearly drunk man walks in.

Drunk: “YO, LADY! I want to order!”

Me: “Welcome to [Café]. What can I get you?”

Drunk: “Three vanilla with no whipped cream, five chocolate with whipped cream, and put cherries on them!”

I do so and ring him up.

Drunk: “Where’s the discount?!”

Me: “What discount? We only have senior discounts, child discounts, and employee discounts.”

Drunk: “I’m going to get your a** fired! I’m the owner’s brother! You will be fired!”

This is a family-owned café and he is clearly lying. I look at my family, and we all wink and play along.

Dad: “I have a brother?”

Grandma: “Uh-oh!”

Grandpa: “Did you cheat on me? I can’t believe you!”

Grandma: “Honey, I’m sorry. He was so awesome!”

Drunk: “I… Err…”

Dad: “I’m moving in with Dad because he doesn’t cheat! I’m moving out of your sinned house!”

The drunk ran out of the café, never to be heard from again.

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When You Absolutely Musk Make A Bad Joke

, , , , | Right | May 15, 2020

I work at a store that sells scented oils. A customer and her friend approach the counter.

Customer: “I’d like to smell your musk, please!”

Me: “Certainly!”

I laugh as I grab the bottles of oil.

Customer: “I bet this is the only store where you can say that and not get kicked out for being creepy!”

The customer and her friend both laughed.

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Welcome To The New Norm

, , , , | Working | April 16, 2020

(I work remotely and am on a conference call with several people.)

Coworker #1: “We’ll also need to sync with [Team] to deliver the– I’m sorry, there’s some noise on the line? Is someone rustling papers?”

Coworker #2: “Oh, that’s me. Sorry, I dropped my meatball on the mic and was trying to clean it off.”

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Did Her Brain Stop Working, Too?

, , , , , , , , | Working | April 4, 2020

My husband and I both ordered a salad and entree each with our waitress, who appeared to write a bit on a notepad.

His salad came out and, after waiting a bit for mine before starting, he finally took a couple bites. Then, our entrees came.

We flagged our waitress to tell her I had never received my own salad.

She said, “Well, my pen stopped working,” and kind of looked at us for a moment and walked away.

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Picture This…

, , , , , , | Right | March 23, 2020

Customer: “I need to withdraw $3000 from my account. I am planning to do some shopping today.”

Me: “I can help you with that. All I need is a picture ID from you.”

Customer: “ID? I don’t have one. All I have is a library card.”

Me: “I am sorry, ma’am. Because of the large dollar amount, there is no way for me to do the transaction without a valid picture ID.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! You are an idiot. I told you I don’t have an ID. It’s my money and I want it now.”

Me: “I agree that it is your money, ma’am, but it’s my job to safeguard that money, so I have to complete the necessary steps to make sure I am giving the money to the right person.”

Customer: “My ID is with my boyfriend. I have a picture of it on my phone. See?”

(She shows me a picture ID on her phone.)

Me: “I am really sorry, ma’am. I cannot give you such a large dollar amount without the actual ID. I could give you a small dollar amount of maybe 100 to 200 with security questions. However, for anything larger, I need the actual ID.”

Customer: “What kind of bank are you? I mean, this is technology. I have a picture of my ID on my phone and it should work. Is your bank so technologically backward? Nowadays, a picture of anything works. You don’t need anything in a physical form. That’s what America is about. I guess you wouldn’t know as you are just an immigrant. But in America, our technology is superior and a picture of anything works. Understand? So stop being an idiot and give me my money NOW!”

(By now I am a little irritated.)

Me: “Ma’am, I am really sorry. However, what I can do is give you a picture of your money and I am guessing that would work?”

Customer: *storms off*

(My manager was not extremely happy but had a good laugh.)

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