Retail | Nashville, TN, USA
Me: “Hi, this is *** how may I help you?”
Caller: “Yes, I just bought a Xbox 360 and it doesn’t work.”
Me: “Could you describe the problem ma’am?”
Caller: “It won’t turn on. I took it out of the box and it won’t turn on.”
Me: “Are all the cables plugged into the system TV and wall outlet?”
Caller: “I have to plug it in?”
Me: “Yes, ma’am. It will not work unless it is plugged in.”
Caller: “How do I do that?”
(I go through the steps of connecting the AV cables and the power plug.)
Caller: “It still won’t turn on.”
Me: “Did you push the power button?”
Caller: “What’s that?”
Me: “The big round button on the front of the console.”
Caller: “I don’t know why you make these machines so difficult to use!” *hangs up*
Movie Theater | Toronto, Canada
Customer: “Two senior tickets for [film].”
Me: “I’m sorry, we’re no longer playing that film.”
Customer: “What? But you were playing it yesterday!”
Me: “Well, we usually get new movies on Friday.”
Customer: “My friend looked online and it said it was playing here.”
Me: “What website did you friend go to? Did it say the film would be playing here on Friday? Sometimes the websites get the movie listings wrong.”
Customer: “This is outrageous! I’m a native New Yorker and if this was New York, you’d be shot!”
Library | West Midlands, UK
(Our library helps a lot of people finish off the crossword puzzles from their newspapers. I’d helped one man find the answer to a very difficult one earlier in the day. I overhear a lady asking her about the same crossword to my colleague.
Me: “Excuse me, the answer is ‘Salome’.”
Colleague: “Thanks, that fits perfectly.”
Customer: “But…no, how can she know? She wasn’t even here!”
Me “I overheard you from-”
Customer: “No! You read my mind didn’t you! That’s wonderful, do it again! What am I thinking about now?”
(She looks around the library. I notice her eyes linger on a Superman poster.)
Me: “Um…Superman?”
Customer: “F***!”
Colleague: “Ma’am, please don’t curse in the library.”
Customer:: “Oh, sorry.” *to me* “Did you hear me swear in my thoughts? Is that how you knew?”
Me: “No, you just shouted it.”
Customer: “Oh. That’s a shame.”
Fast Food | Indianapolis, IN, USA
(The customer rips the lid off of the shake I just hand her and frowns.)
Customer: “What is this?”
Me: “That’s a vanilla shake.”
Customer: “No it isn’t. I want a vanilla shake.”
Me: “Well, I made it myself so I promise you it’s vanilla. Would you like me to remake it?”
Customer: “No, I just want a vanilla shake! This doesn’t look like vanilla at all. It’s all yellow.”
Me: “Ah, the vanilla syrup gives the shake a yellow tinge. It’s
supposed to look like that.”
Customer: “Oh, it’s not ME you have to convince, it’s the seven year-old in the car. He won’t be happy!”
Retail | Chicago, IL, USA
Customer: “I called in here yesterday and put an item on hold. Do you have it?”
Me: “Let me check, who put it on hold for you?”
Customer: “Google.”
Me: “Google?”
Customer: “Yes, Google…or Nadia.”
Me: “We don’t have a Nadia here, do you mean Natalie?”
Customer: “No, his name was Nadia!”
Me: “His name was Nadia?”
Customer: “Yes…or Google.”
Retail | Chicago, IL, USA
Me: “How may I help you?”
Customer: “Yes, hello. I ordered some shoes from your store and put it at a one day delivery. It said it was supposed to be delivered by 4:00 today, and it hasn’t been delivered yet.”
Me: “I’m sorry about that, sir. Where are you calling from?”
Customer: “Dallas.”
Me: “Dallas, Texas sir?”
Customer: “You know any other Dallas?”
(I check the time and see that it’s 3:00)
Me: “Sir, it’s only 3:00.”
Customer: “Now listen here son, just because it’s three o’clock where you are doesn’t mean it’s the same time over here!”
Me: “Sir, Dallas is in the same time zone as Chicago.”
Customer: “Boy, do I need to get you a map? Dallas is a million miles from Chicago!”
Related:
No Aptitude For Latitude
Cashier | Midland, MI, USA
(The chain store has a pharmacy that closes at 7pm. A couple is at my lane at 8:30pm.)
Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”
Customer: “Not unless you can break into the pharmacy and get my wife’s prescription.”
Me: *chuckle* “Sorry, sir, I can’t do that.”
Customer: *completely serious* “She’s gonna die without it. Oh well.”
Me: “Um…”
Customer: “It’s okay, she’s old enough to die anyway.”
Call Center | Denver, CO, USA
(A customer calls in with the phone displaying an error. Per standard cell phone troubleshooting, the first step is to take the battery out and put it back in.)
Caller: “When are you going to get this glitch fixed?”
Me: “It’s not really a glitch, sir. It’s just general routine maintenance, like rebooting a computer.”
Caller: “Don’t give me that s***! How stupid do you think I am! I know computers are not like cell phones! Computers have microchips and stuff in them, and cell phones are way too small to have microchips!”
Call Center | Canada
Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. How can I help you?”
Customer: “Listen, could you please just transfer me to your business services department, please?”
Me: “I’m pretty sure they’re closed today. They always are on Saturdays.”
Customer: “Transfer me there anyway.”
Me: “Ma’am, nobody will answer the phone.”
Customer: “Transfer me there ANYWAY!”
Grocery Store | Nova Scotia, Canada
Me: “Hello, how are you today? I see you have picked out a lot of our sale items today.”
Customer: “Yes I did! I think these sales are great!”
(I smile as I continue ringing in her items.)
Customer: “Um, this cereal is $1.99, not $2.99.”
Me: “It says right here that this cereal is $2.99. You must just be mistaken with another brand. It can get pretty confusing sometimes.”
Customer: “No, that cereal is $1.99! You’re wrong! I know it is, I saw it like that on the shelf!”
Me: “My apologies, the sign must be for another product. I will call someone to go check–”
Customer: “No! The sign said that this cereal is 1.99! I will go and get it myself for you then!”
Me: “It’s alright, I can just get one of our employees to go and check that for you, there is no need–”
Customer: “I WILL SHOW YOU I AM RIGHT!”
(The customer storms away, leaving me at the speedy checkout with a line of 10 people. She soon returns looking flustered.)
Customer: “Debit, please.”
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