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    Must Be New To The Game

    | San Diego, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I am waiting in line to pay. The customer in front of me in line is an older woman.)

    Employee: “Hi, did you find everything okay?”

    Customer: “I’m actually here to return something.”

    Employee: “I’m sorry to hear that. What are you returning?”

    Customer: “This very violent video game.”

    (She places a copy of a popular first-person-shooter game on the counter.)

    Employee: “Thank you.”

    (The employee opens the case to check the disc.)

    Employee: “Ma’am, the game isn’t in here.”

    Customer: “Sure it is. You’re holding it.”

    Employee: “This is just the case. There’s no disc.”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Employee: “You can’t return an empty game case.”

    Customer: “Why?”

    (I decide to step in.)

    Me: “It’s like buying a new coat and only getting the hanger.”

    Customer: “Oh…”

    (The employee hands over the box, and the customer leaves.)

    Employee: “It’s going to be a long day, isn’t it?”

    The Price Of Dishonesty

    | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Money

    (Our store is running a sale on certain cereals. I had just finished ringing up a customer who purchased some, and have told her the total.)

    Customer: “Wait, that can’t be right. The cereal is two for $4!”

    (After double checking the register, I look inside the flier.)

    Me: “Oh, sorry. These boxes are 18 ounces, and the sale’s only for the 13 ounce boxes.”

    Customer: “No it isn’t! They’re the same price over there.”

    (The different sizes having the same price was news to me, so I follow her over to the aisle to find that while only one was on sale, both had the same price.)

    Customer: “See? This is just dishonest!”

    Me: “Well… that seems strange, but only the smaller one is on sale.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe you’re doing something this dishonest! I’m reporting this!”

    (She takes out her cell phone and begins taking a picture of the price tags.)

    Me: “Giving them the same price seems weird, but how is it dishonest?”

    Customer: “Because they have the same price! What’s the difference between these two?!”

    Me: *confused* “This one’s five ounces larger, but not on sale?”

    Customer: “Forget it, I don’t want them anymore.”

    (We return to the counter, where a line has started to form.)

    Me: “All right, then. That will be [total].”

    Customer: “That’s still not right! This item is supposed to be a dollar!”

    (She marches back to the shelf and shortly returns.)

    Customer: “Never mind, it was the item next to that one that was on clearance.”

    (I needed manager approval for all the voided items, so I handed her money back while I started handling the other customers. When we later closed the register, we found it was short by the exact amount she owed. Apparently, she made the manager think I’d held on to her money. For how much she talked about dishonesty…)

    Political Correctness Takes A Holiday

    | NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Holidays, Religion

    (I am the third customer in line. There’s a woman at the register, then a man dressed in a way that clearly indicates he is a Christian minister. It’s two days before Thanksgiving.)

    Cashier: “Thank you and I hope you have a great holiday.”

    Customer: “A great holiday? What the f***! It’s Merry CHRISTMAS. I am so tired of this PC bull-s***, you stupid little—”

    Minister: “Maybe she was talking about Thanksgiving.”

    (The customer turns around snarling.)

    Customer: “Shut the fu… uu…”

    (She trails off when she notices his outfit. She blushes furiously, gathers her bags, and rushes out. The minister steps up.)

    Minister: “Which candy bar is better, the plain chocolate or the almond?”

    Cashier: “The almond is good!”

    (The minister adds that to his purchases. After he pays, he hands the cashier the candy bar.)

    Minister: “I hope you have a fantastic holiday.”

    Food For Reading Your Thought

    | San Bernardino, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (My brother and I work at the same store and always order the same lunch at the fast food place in the parking lot. There is another guy that also orders the same lunch every day. The three of us get in line one after the other.)

    Cashier: “$4.79″

    (Customer #1 pays, gets number.)

    Cashier: “$4.79″

    (Brother pays, and gets number.)

    Cashier: “$4.79″

    (I pay, and get my number.)

    Cashier: *to next person in line* “Welcome to [Fast Food Place]. May I take your order?”

    (Customer #2 stares at the cashier intently.)

    Cashier: “Sir? May I take your order?”

    (Customer #2 stares harder and cocks his head to the side.)

    Cashier: “Sir?”

    Customer #2: “You don’t know yet?”

    Cashier: “What?”

    Customer #2: “I mean, you’re psychic, right?”

    Cashier: “Oh! No, they just always have the same thing.”

    Customer #2: “Good! I wouldn’t want people reading my mind! Um, I’ll have the number three combo.”

    This Stuff Shouldn’t Phase(r) You Any More

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (In our store we order our products by scanning the shelf labels with a device that shoots a laser to read the barcode. I’m in the refrigerated juice section of the store and have just scanned a label when a middle-aged customer walks up to me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me. Did you just do what I think you did?”

    Me: “I’m just ordering something.”

    Customer: *wide-eyed* “Did you just taser that orange juice?”

    (I look at the scanner in my hand.)

    Me: “Um, if you mean I scanned it, then, I guess so.”

    Customer: “Well, it looks like it’s not moving so it must have worked. Great job!”

    (After the customer happily wanders away my coworker, who saw the whole thing, comes up to me)

    Coworker: “Maybe you should set it to ‘stun’ next time.”


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