Customer: “You guys buy games, right?”
Me: “That’s right.”
Customer: “Any games, right?”
Me: “Unless we have several of them in stock, or they’re in very poor condition, yes.”
Customer: “So, you’ll take any games as long as there’s no scratches and you don’t have a bunch of them, right?”
Me: “Correct.”
Customer: “Okay, good! I’ve got 20 games here that I wanna sell.”
(The man opens the shoebox he’s been carrying and starts to unload a number of discs onto the counter.)
Me: “Uh, sir…I can’t take these games.”
Customer: “Why not? You just said you could!”
Me: “Because they’re illegally copied games.”
Customer: “But you said you’d take them!”
Me: “Not if they’re DVD-Rs with the names written in Sharpie!”
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196 Thumbs Up!)
(A woman walks up to the register with four pages out of four different books: a Grisham, a Kinsella, a King and a Straub.)
Me: “Did you find these pages loose?”
Customer: “No, I ripped them out. I want to buy them for 10 cents per page. Is that okay?”
Me: *shocked* “Um, no!”
Customer: *turns and leaves the store*
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246 Thumbs Up!)
(I work in the box office of a live theater. An elderly woman and her granddaughter approach me.)
Customer: “I want to see [show] tonight. I need you to find me good tickets!”
Me: “Unfortunately, for the amount of seats you’re looking for, we only have several aisle seats in the balcony available. You’ll all have aisles but won’t be able to sit next to each other.”
Customer’s Granddaughter: “Those seats are good! We should snatch them up!”
Customer: “If they were good seats, they’d have been sold by now!”
Me: “I’m sorry. If I’m to understand you, any seats that I offer you will be unacceptable because they’re available the day of the show?”
Customer: “Exactly!”
Customer’s Granddaughter: *to grandmother* “I smell sewage. Did you just poo?”
Customer: *with an indignant face* “Possibly…”
(The customer buys the tickets I offer her, but not before going in circles and stinking up the lobby for several minutes.)
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208 Thumbs Up!)
Customer: “What’s the difference between these two water heater gas lines?”
Me: “One is two feet long, and one is four feet long.”
Customer: “But what is the difference? They’re priced differently.”
Me: “Um, one is 24 inches long, and one is 48 inches long.”
Customer: “I don’t understand! Why should I buy one over the other?”
Me: “Because one is only this long.” *holds arms two feet apart* “And one is this long.” *hold arms four feet apart*
Customer: “You don’t have to be so rude!” *storms away*
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305 Thumbs Up!)
(I work at a farmer’s market. One customer is a Thursday regular who always buys single teabags.)
Customer: “I am looking for a good green tea.”
Me: “Well, ma’am, I certainly have a large selection—”
Customer: *holding up a Sushi Bar Green Tea* “Oh my lord, this doesn’t have real sushi in it, does it?”
Me: “What? Oh! No. That just means it is like the green tea found at sushi bars.”
Customer: “Oh, good! For a minute there, I thought it was raw fish flavored!”
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210 Thumbs Up!)
Customer: “Can I have a champagne and lemonade?”
Me: “So, that’s a champagne with lemonade in it?”
Customer: *annoyed* “Yes, yes!”
Me: “Here you go.”
Customer: “What the h*** is this?”
Me: “Champagne and lemonade.”
Customer: *looks at me as if I’m crazy* “Ew, who would want that? I wanted a champagne AND a lemonade!”
Me: *sigh*
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331 Thumbs Up!)
Me: “We’re making magic here at Ch—”
Caller: “Sexy voice for a sexy lady, eh?”
Me: “I’m sorry?”
Caller: “Yeah, I wanted to ask about some of your ‘prizes’.”
Me: “Sure? What are you looking for?”
(He begins to read me a long list of sexual objects and attempts to talk dirty.)
Me: “Sir, this is highly inappropriate.”
Caller: “If you’re offended, why do you work at [name of adult store]?”
Me: “Because I don’t. I think you have the wrong number.”
Caller: “Who am I talking to then?”
Me: “[Name] at Chuck E. Cheese.”
Caller: “Oh…oh my God! I AM SO SORRY!”
Related:
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 5
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 4
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
You Got The Wrong(est) Number
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853 Thumbs Up!)
(I work as a barista at my local coffee shop.)
Customer: “I’d like a coffee to go.”
Me: “Awesome, did you want the small size or the big one?”
Customer: “Small. I might be a big guy, but I have a small thing—” *catches himself* “I mean, I like small things—” *catches himself again*
Me: “It’s okay—”
Customer: “I mean…uh…small. I will take a small cup, fill it with coffee, and then leave so you and your coworker can laugh at me.”
Me: *smiles and contains laughter* “That’ll be $1.75.”
Related:
Size Matters, Part 8
Size Matters, Part 7
Size Matters, Part 6
Size Matters, Part 5
Size Matters, Part 4
Size Matters, Part 3
Size Matters, Part 2
Size Matters
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752 Thumbs Up!)
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