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    Rage Against The Rage Against The Machine

    | TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology

    (I’m one of the customers in this story and am shopping at a well-know Texan gas station after work. In addition to walking in to prepay for my gas, I also pick up a snack item and an ICEE for me to eat on my back home. However, as I walking to one of the three or four ICEE machines I hear:)

    ICEE Machine: “Please place the lid on your cup before dispensing your ICEE. Please place the lid on your cup before dispensing your ICEE.”

    (This causes me to take a step back and blink before laughing, knowing some fool must have made a mess before. However, I do as the machine instructs and head over to the cashier, still shaking my head.)

    Cashier: *scanning my items* “Is this going to be everything?”

    Me: “Actually, I need [amount] on [pump].”

    (The cashier brings up my car to make sure I have the right number. Before I can continue we hear another customer at the ICEE machine.)

    Other Customer: “F***! Your machine is broken! It sprayed this s*** all over me!”

    (He comes around the corner, wearing his ICEE and holding – you guessed it – the cup without the lid on it. I let the cashier fix the idiot’s problem, but then hear:)

    Customer: “You should put a fucking out-of-order sign on that they all spray -” *he notices I have an ICEE cup that’s filled to the top of the lid* “Which machine did you get that from?!”

    (I point to the one I used.)

    Customer: “THAT’S THE ONE I USED! ALL IT DID WAS SPRAY AND DUMP IT ALL OVER THE SIDE OF MY CUP!”

    (At this point I had enough of his stupidity and decide to shut him up with showing him up. I walk over to the machine. It, like last time, gave out the direction to put the lid on before dispensing.)

    Me: *mockingly* “Oh, ‘Please place the lid on your cup before dispensing your ICEE.’ Gee, I guess I should do that; no telling what could happen if I don’t.”

    (I look back and dispense a color ICEE that matches the mess that was left on the cup he’s now tossed without a problem.)

    Me: “Wow! That was so nice and easy, and I don’t have any mess on me!”

    (At this point the customer is now cherry red and stammering.)

    Other Customer: “Uhhh… umm… bu…”

    (He then takes his leave before causing any more problems. At the same time, the cashier was back at the counter with another employee.)

    Me: “Sorry about that. Though, I guess I’ll buy two ICEEs.”

    Other Employee: “No, you won’t. Your total is [half of the amount I asked for my gas]”

    Me: “Uhhh… but that’s not even what I asked for gas.”

    Other Employee: “After what you did for us, let us help you.”

    (Turned out the other employee was the shift manager and he basically let me walk out only paying $20 for a full tank of gas, 2 ICEEs, and my snack.)

    Tiring Of Your Tire-ing

    | NC, USA | Transportation

    (I used to run an auto repair garage and got calls like this all the time:)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [My Shop]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “I need a price on a set of tires.”

    Me: “Sure. What size?”

    Caller: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “No problem. What kind of car do you have?”

    Caller: “I don’t know. It’s silver though.”

    Me: “I’m going to need some vehicle information to price you a set of tires. Would you like to look at your car and call me back in a few mins?”

    Caller: “Just give me an estimate. It doesn’t have to be exact.”

    Me: “I really need to know what kind of car you drive. There are over 1700 individual tires on the market today. There’s no way I can give you a quote without knowing what you drive.”

    Caller: “Just give me an estimate. I’m calling some other places to get quotes, too.”

    Me: *end of my patience* “Okay, if you have a Geo Metro, figure around $300. If you have a Freightliner, about $10,000.”

    Caller: “Okay, thank you.”

    Makes You Very GLAD(os)

    | HI, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Geeks Rule

    (I work for a local supermarket chain. We give out reward coupons after customers spend a certain amount that you can use for a number of things. One of these is a special item that changes each week. I notice my next customer is wearing a Portal shirt.)

    Me: “Welcome to the Aperture Science [Store] Register. If you successfully finish this transaction and have a reward, there will be cake.”

    Customer: *laughs* “The cake is a lie!”

    Me: “Not so, sir.” *points to flier* “The reward this week is free cheesecake.”

    Customer: *stares* “Seriously?”

    Me: “Yup.”

    Customer: “Could I… get one right now?”

    Me: “If you have a reward, certainly.”

    (Customer then proceeded to sprint off to grab a cheesecake and came back exclaiming “The cake’s not a lie!”)

    Hunting For The Right Department

    | Titusville, FL, USA | Pets & Animals

    (I work in a large retailer that has several departments. A customer approached me walking toward Sporting Goods from the Garden Center entrance.)

    Customer: “Am I heading the right way for animals?”

    Me: “You’re heading the right way for hunting them.”

    This Is A Good Sign

    | Utrecht, The Netherlands | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers

    Cashier: “Please note that underwear cannot be returned for hygienic reasons.”

    Me: “I know; there were signs all over the display”

    Cashier: *short silence* “Wow, I think you might be the first customer to ever read those.”

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