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    All Smoke, No Mirrors

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging, Technology

    (A guest I checked in less than two hours ago is walking up to the front desk with all her luggage, ready to leave.)

    Me: “How may I help you?”

    Guest: “I want to check out!”

    Me: “Is everything all right? I see you are checking out early.”

    Guest: “I don’t want to talk about it; I want a receipt stating that I have a zero balance.”

    Me: “All right, one moment. Let me get your receipt out of the back. My printer is down.”

    (I come back a few seconds later with her receipt.)

    Me: “Are you sure everything is all right? You seem upset and I don’t want you leaving upset.”

    Guest: “Yes, actually, you can tell your people I do not appreciate them recording me while I am sleeping!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what do you mean?”

    Guest: “There was a little red light flashing above my bed!”

    Me: “Oh! You mean the smoke detector. That isn’t a recording device.”

    Guest: “You don’t think I know the difference between a smoke detector and a recording device?! I know that if there is a blinking red that means the camera is on and recording! So please delete any footage you have of me.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I am really sorry. I promise you we do not have recording devices in our guests rooms. It honestly was a smoke detector.”

    Guest: “IT WAS NOT A SMOKE DETECTOR!”

    Not Promoting Decent Behavior

    , | TN, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (I am working the front at a fast food restaurant. I am ringing up two ladies (mother and daughter) up. They are regulars.)

    Me: “Hello, how may I help you?”

    Daughter: “Hi, I have this coupon: buy one get one free breakfast sandwiches.”

    Me: “All right, which sandwiches would you like?”

    (They order two sandwiches, one more expensive than the other. I promo the more expensive one off.)

    Daughter: *to mother* “Haha, she only charged us $1.69!”

    Mother: *mockingly* “Smart employees!” *snorts*

    Me: “I did it to be nice, but I’m definitely not doing it for you again.”

    The Customer Is Damaged

    | Canberra, ACT, Australia | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal

    (I notice that a customer has been hovering in the back corner of my store for a while, so I go see if she needs any help.)

    Me: “Hi there! Can I help you at all today?”

    Customer: “Oh, yes, I… Uh… Found this handbag. It’s… damaged and I want a… discount on it. It’s torn in this corner here… One moment…”

    (As she is saying this, I see her trying to forcibly tear a corner of the handbag, which otherwise has no damage. It is already heavily reduced to 80% off, as it’s on clearance, and does not cost much at all. She is forcibly trying to tear it right in front of me with as much force as she can muster.)

    Me: *snatches the bag from her* “Well, ma’am, if you forcibly tug on it, it will break, and there won’t be a further discount, and you will have to buy it. People who deliberately break stock are also not welcome back, I’m afraid.”

    Customer: “Oh… Oh, well, then… Never mind.”

    (She slowly and sadly walked out of the store, as if to see if I would change my mind and let her break it and give her a discount. I didn’t. I, thankfully, never saw her again.)

    Her Argument Is Far From Seamless

    | Woking, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (I work in a fairly high-end ladies fashion concession in a department store. My manager and I are standing, waiting to greet customers. A middle aged woman storms up to us, trailing her husband behind her. She brings a dress over to us, which to me looks to be a size too small for her.)

    Customer: “I’ve just tried this dress on, and it has a big rip in the seam. I have decided to buy it so you will need to find me another.”

    Me: “I’m so sorry about that, Madam. I’m afraid we only carry one of every size. There are a couple of options. We can see if we can order one in for you, which will arrive in our next delivery; we can ring another store to see if they have one available for you; or you can order it yourself on the website, if you would rather it was delivered to your house.”

    Customer: “Order one in for me. I want you to guarantee it will arrive tomorrow.”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, but I can’t promise you that. It will most likely take a few days, depending on when our delivery is due.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous. This is all your fault for not checking your products correctly.”

    Me: *even though I suspect the rip occurred in the fitting room* “Again, I’m very sorry that this one slipped through our net. I suspect the fault occurred after our initial checks. I’ll take this one off the shop floor and report the fault to the manufacturers.”

    (I go to take the dress from her, but she snatches it back.)

    Customer: “What’s the best price you can give this to me for?”

    Me: “We can only take 10% off, and the item will be non-refundable.”

    Customer: “It’ll cost more than that to fix it. Take the cost of fixing it off.”

    Me: “I’m sorry; I’m not able to do that. Please let me see if another store has a fault-free one for you. Where is local to you?”

    Customer: “Here.”

    Me: “Well, yes… I meant where else is local to you. As you can see, we don’t have one here.”

    (At this point, my manager steps in and goes to ring around local stores. I am left with the couple. The husband then joins in.)

    Customer’s Husband: *to his wife* “Look, I’m fed up of waiting here. It’s already 20% off, and the girl is offering you 10% off. Let’s just get it.”

    Customer: “Ah ha! I’ve found a thread in the lining and one at the top of the zip, that’s two more 10% discounts!”

    Me: “I cannot give you 10% off per fault. That’s not how it works!”

    (The customer rants on and on about how poorly made our items are. My manager returns, and tells the woman that a large store about 10 minutes drive away has two of those dresses and that we’ve put both on hold for her so she can check both and choose the better one, that they have both been checked for faults, and they will still give her 10% off.)

    Customer’s Husband: “I can’t stand it anymore; we will go to the other store, pick the dress up, and go home.”

    (I give the couple directions to the store, apologise again. and the couple leave, with the woman loudly ranting to anyone who will listen that our products are poor. We ended up spending around 45 minutes of our time on this rude lady, and what’s even worse? When she got to the other store, she filed a complaint about us saying that we were standing about looking bored, ignored her, refused to help her, and ‘eventually’ fobbed her off on another store.)

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 36

    | Australia | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    (My holiday job is at a small bookshop in my town. We have a gift card system connected to another major retailer of books and DVDs. One day a man attempted to buy $50 worth of books with a $50 gift card that had only $1 left on it.)

    Customer: “I’d like to pay for these using this gift card.”

    Me: “Certainly.”

    (I take the gift card and glance at the back, where it is written underneath the original $50 that he’s spent $49 using the card and has $1 left.)

    Me: “I’m very sorry, sir, but you only have $1 left on your gift voucher.”

    Customer: “What do you mean? It says it’s worth $50!”

    Me: “Yes, but you’ve already spent $49 in a previous purchase using this card.”

    Customer: “But it says $50!”

    (My boss realises that I have a difficult customer and she comes over to help.)

    Boss: “I’m sorry, sir, but it seems like there is only $1 on your gift card. However, we will contact the [Other Retailer]’s help desk for you and just check that it’s not a mistake.”

    (I call the help desk while my boss attempts to explain the concept of using up money on a gift voucher to the man, who still doesn’t seem to understand and continues to repeat that it says $50 on the back and that someone must be trying to trick him. The help desk tells me that there is, in fact, only $1 left on his gift card.)

    Me: “I’m very sorry, sir, but there is actually only $1 left on your gift voucher.”

    Boss: “I’m very sorry, but there’s nothing we can do.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous! Why would they write $50 on the back if it was going to run out?”

    Me: “Because you can only spend up to $50 using this card once, just like using a real $50 note. Once you’ve spent it, it’s been spent and you can’t get it back.”

    (The man paid the remaining $49 but continued to complain about the gift card for the entire purchase. To our relief he soon left, but was obviously still upset at the revelation that money was not, in fact, unlimited.)

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 35
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 34
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 33

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