Imagination Cake

| IL, USA | Food & Drink

Me: “Hi, sir, anything I can get for you?”

Customer: “I have a cake order to pick up!”

Me: “Okay, what is the last name on the order?”

Customer: [Last Name].

Me: “Okay I’ll be right back with your cake.”

(I bring back the cake and show the customer.)

Customer: “What’s that?! That’s not my cake?”

Me: “Oh? Okay. Is this your last name and phone number on the ticket?”

Customer: “Yeah, that’s me!”

Me: “Okay, so what does the cake you ordered look like?”

Customer: “Not like that! That looks like s***!”

Me: “I’m, sorry you think that. Let’s take a look in the computer to see the cake you ordered.”

Customer: “Yeah! Let’s do that! Because this is not my cake! You don’t want my wife to come in here do you?!”

Me: “No, sir.”

Customer: “There that’s my cake!” *he points at the computer screen, he points at the exact cake I just showed him*

Me: “Sir, that’s the same cake.”

Customer: “No, it’s not! You think I’m stupid?! I’m getting my wife!”

(About a minute later the wife comes in.)

Customers Wife: “Oh! It’s beautiful! This looks amazing!”

Customer: *looking puzzled* “This is our cake?”

Customer’s Wife: “Yeah, it’s what we ordered.”

Customer: “Oh… well… I imagined it differently.”

Me: “Thank you. Have a nice day.”

Return Of The Returner

| MA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(A customer comes in, carrying no bags, and heads straight for the return desk.)

Customer: “Hello, I need to return this coat.”

Me: “I’m sorry, what coat?”

(The customer takes off the coat she’s wearing and dumps it on the counter.)

Customer: “This coat! I can’t wear it anymore! I need a new one!”

Me: “All right, do you have a receipt?”

Customer: “Yes, I do.”

(The receipt she comes up with is from November. It’s January now. But she has the receipt, so I have to process the return.)

Me: “All right, that’s [price].”

Customer: “No, no! It’s [higher price].”

Me: “No, you got a ten percent discount when you bought it.”

Customer: “That wasn’t on the coat! It was on everything else!”

Me: “Ma’am, the ten percent came off the whole order.”

Customer: “No, I called someone yesterday, and they said I could get the whole amount. I have to go. Just ring it up for the whole amount.”

Me: “Do you know who you spoke to?”

Customer: “No. A manager.”

(I call the supervisor over, and he authorizes the return without the ten percent.)

Customer: “Now I want the ten percent off the one I buy. I’ll be right back.”

(She returns with another coat that’s more money.)

Me: “And the difference is [amount].”

Customer: “What? Did you take the ten percent?”

Me: “I can’t take the ten percent off because it’s a one-time discount.”

Customer: “The manager told me I could do that!”

Supervisor: “Do you know which manager you spoke to? What was his name?”

Customer: “He didn’t give me his name. I’ve got to go. Can we just ring this up?”

(Supervisor authorizes the discount again, eager to be rid of this woman. Little did we know…)

Me: “Wow, that was weird.”

(Five minutes later, the customer comes back, shedding her new coat and dropping it on the counter.)

Customer: “I can’t wear this! It’s too big! Give me the money back, and I’ll go get another one!”

(At this point, the supervisor took over and rang her himself.)

Customer: “You’re sure it looks all right now?”

Me: “Yes, it’s very nice.”

Customer: “It’s not too big?”

Me: “No, it looks good on you.”

Customer: “Okay.”

(The customer leaves, and I breathe a sigh of relief. A few minutes later, she came back.)

Customer: “This is ripped!” *she shows us a minuscule tear in the cuff* “I can’t wear it like this! Take some money off!”

Supervisor: “This item is final clearance. I can’t mark it down any further.”

Customer: “It’s torn! I have to take it to a tailor now! Give me a discount!”

Supervisor: “I physically can’t do it. The system won’t allow me to mark down lower than the final clearance price.”

Customer: “But it’s damaged goods! Would you buy this like this?”

Supervisor: “It’s marked down sixty percent off the original price. That’s the lowest the system will let me go.”

Customer: “I can return this, if it costs to much to repair?”

Supervisor: “Yes, just save your receipt.”

Customer: “Fine.”

(The customer finally leaves, and for the rest of the evening, I was terrified she’d come back again!)

Uh…

monkey-in-the-apple-store-baby-costume-funny

Thanks No-Name!

| QLD, Australia | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I work in fast food, and at our store we have a number of questions we need to ask customers.)

Me: “So that was a medium fries and a wrap. Would you like to upsize the fries for 50c?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “…and did you want to make that a meal?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Did you have your loyalty card on you today?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Would you like to start one?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “And can I grab your name for the order?”

Customer: “No. Oh! Sorry. Paul.”

O, Canaduh, Part 4

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Canada, Extra Stupid, Geography

(It is a warm day in late June. The customer I am serving has a pronounced American accent.)

Me: “I couldn’t help noticing your accent. Where are you from?”

Customer: “Des Moines. It’s my first time in Canada.”

Me: “What do you think so far?”

Customer: “Well, I was a little shocked when we were flying in, actually.”

Me: “About what?”

Customer: “I was pretty surprised not to see snow.”

Me: “I think that Iowa and Ontario have a pretty similar climate. Is there snow on the ground there right now?”

Customer: “No, but this is CANADA.”

Related:
O, Canaduh, Part 3
O, Canaduh, Part 2
O, Canaduh

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