(I work at a convenience store and gas station that has 20 pumps and is open 24 hours. It is the early 2000s when gas is around $1 a gallon. We frequently get people trying to scam us for gas. I am working third shift when a customer enters.)

Customer: “Hey, is there anything around here I can do for $10 worth of gas? I’m trying to get back to [Town two hours away].”

Me: “Absolutely! You can go outside and empty and change all 15 trash bags, sweep the parking lot, sweep up inside, clean both restrooms, and then mop the floors.”

Customer: “I’ve got to do all that?”

Me: “Well, yeah. It should only take about an hour.”

Customer: “I’m not doing all that!”

Me: “Well, I have to do all of that, and even I don’t get paid $10 an hour.”

Customer: “F*** that!”

(I work in a bakery that takes a lot of large orders. We usually send invoices to customers for these large orders. I am in charge of dealing with emails. One customer wants me to add an extra $1800 fee to his invoice, and then forward the cash to his event planner. I tell my coworkers about it, and the following happens:)

Me: “It’s a scam.”

Coworker: “How do you know?”

Me: “Have you never heard of that before? People try to do this all the time. He even tried to offer an $80 tip, even though I told him there’s an extra gratuity included.”

Coworker: “But how would it be a scam? He’s giving us money and we’re giving it back to him.”

Me: “It’s probably a stolen credit card, or it would somehow work out that his payment wouldn’t go through after we gave him the money.”

Coworker: “I don’t know; it doesn’t make sense to me.”

(Not even two weeks later…)

Coworker: “A customer just called and asked if we could add a fee to her card when we charge her, then give cash to someone else. Can we do that?”

(I am an English teacher in the days before computers, word processors, spell check, etc. In freshman English, I assign a paper as homework on the first day, to evaluate the level of ability I am dealing with in the new class. After the paper has been graded, a very irate mother storms into my class with a girl in tow.)

Mother: “Are you Mrs. [My Name]?!”

Me: “Yes, I am.”

Mother: “What’s the meaning of giving my daughter a D on this paper? She has never had less than an A in junior high school!”

Me: “Forty-six spelling and grammatical errors in a two-page, hand-written paper does not get an A. The only reason I gave a D instead of an F was that the idea presented was good.”

(The mother splutters on about only the idea being important, not the spelling, and then says she is going to take it up with the principal.)

Me: “Be my guest.”

(Needless to say, the issue died a quiet death, and by the end of the year the girl was writing A and B papers legitimately. It makes you wonder about the junior high school teachers who passed her on.)

(The library I work at is moving locations, and many items have been left behind by the previous owners of our new site. One of these items is a very nice, spacious desk. One look at it, and my coworkers and I fall in love with it and want to make use of it.)

Coworker #1: “I just saw something similar to this one in [Office Supply Store]. It costs at least $700!”

Coworker #2: “And look what good condition it’s in. There’s not even a scratch on it.”

Me: “I think we should keep it. I’d like to have my breaks back here on it.”

Coworker #2: “Yeah, me, too. It’s really nice. Look at all these drawers we could put our craft supplies in.”

Coworker #1: “We could even set up a computer back here for when we need to do confidential work.”

Me: “Great idea! Let’s tell director we want to keep it.”

(We all go and find the director.)

Coworker #2: “[Director]? Can we keep the desk that’s in the back workroom?”

Director: “Absolutely not! We’re moving our table back there, instead.”

(She gestures to a table we’ve had for the past decade. It was previously in the middle of the library for anyone to sit at. The corners are all damaged from chairs and carts hitting it, and the surface is scratched and marked from children doing crafts on it. Other than that, there is nothing interesting about it because it is a basic, generic, brown table. We all just sort of stare at her.)

Me: “Did you see the desk, though? It has lots of drawer space we can use. And it fits in the room better. This table is really big, and it would take up half of the workroom.”

Director: “We didn’t pay for that desk, so we’re getting rid of it!”

Coworker #1: “But didn’t this table only cost us like $200? That desk is worth at least $700. We’d be gaining $500 worth of furniture if we keep the desk and throw out the table.”

Director: “We are not throwing out the table! We paid for it!”

Me: “But the desk is in better condition. And all of us who are going to work here every day would rather work off the desk than the table.” *all three of us nod*

Coworker #1: “The desk is the more valuable piece of furniture, and it’s newer, too.”

Coworker #2: “And we can use it for storage and stuff. The table doesn’t have any drawers.”

Director: “This conversation is over! We’re throwing that desk away! We didn’t pay for it! I am not wasting my money by throwing away the table I paid for!”

Me: “Maybe we can put the table somewhere els—”

Director: “NOT ONE MORE WORD! We didn’t pay for that desk. We paid for this table! WE’RE KEEPING THE TABLE!”

Coworker #2: “If you’re going to just throw out the desk, can I have it?”

Me: “I could use it, too!”

Coworker #1: “I’d make space for it at my house. It really is a nice desk.”

Director: “Get back to work! NOW!”

(We all dispersed. The director had the maintenance staff disassemble the desk with a saw and crowbar so it was completely unusable for anyone. They had to cut off one inch of the table to get it to fit in our workroom. It’s ugly and bulky, and now it has a rough edge from where they sawed it, which I have already cut myself on.)

(I am a front desk employee at [Hotel]. We have just closed down the pool for cleaning, because some kid defecated in it. A lady comes up, dragging her kid behind her.)

Customer: “Where is the pool? I had it booked for noon to one.”

Me: “The pool is closed, ma’am. We have to clean it.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I want to swim!”

Me: “I am sorry, but we cannot let anyone in the pool right now.”

Customer: “But it is empty! You must have cleared them out so I can swim!”

Me: “No, ma’am, no one is allowed in right now.”

Customer: “I know! Why do you think I s*** in it in the first place?”

(Security eventually had to escort the lady out, and she is now banned from all [Hotel] properties.)